This is why I would never get an Asian character tattoo....

Throw Paper!

How bored are you?

Guess the Dictator/Sit-Com Character

Check this out, we have been trying to stump this game and have not succeeded. We've tried old and new, human and cartoon, and it's guessed right everytime.

Confused?? Just try it.

Here's one for the girls???

This is for all the girls who have always wanted to "write" their name in the snow......

Hair issues

Hi fellow bloggers!! I need some recommendations. I have lost my hairdresser, and am wanting to get a haircut. Does anyone know a good hairdresser that they could recommend?? Thanks!!

There we go, now I know what I should do with my life!!

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

My dancing Queen....

I thought I would share a few pics from Payton's first kids Christmas Party. What a great time she had, it was a blast watching her. She loved the music(they had a live childrens entertainer), all the kids(150+), the huge snowglobe(I could have easily fit in it), spending time with Grandpa and Grandma(although we didn't see much of Grandma elf!!), and of course dancing(as you can see). She wasn't to sure about Santa but sure loves the pony he gave her!! It was a good time!! Thanks LaFarge!!

Interesting

Very interesting article about SIDS and soother use. Read it here.

Thanks Rod.

Sometimes, life's just like that.

Isn't it funny how the days just keep on passing by regardless of how your feeling? Things have been pretty rough lately and I've finally gotten to a breaking point. There's been a lot going on around Rod and I, things that really shouldn't be our problems, our concerns, but have become very much part of our world through our desire to help. But as things keep spiraling so does my emotional health. I feel used up, like I have no more to give yet keep trudging along because I have no choice.

Mentally, emotionally it feels like I've taken a severe beating and am in the process of scraping the pieces off the floor. Putting the pieces together feels hopeless. The pieces are so fragile and have a habit of shattering into pieces that just won't go back together. I think if I ever get it figured out the end result will look much different than when I started.

I have a habit of trying to deal with things on my own. If I let others know exactly how I'm doing I feel as though I'm burdening them. Even worse than that I don't let God in. He so desperately wants to help me and I don't want to admit anything is wrong. I finally heard him tell me to let others in, it's a shame he had to break my will to do it. I let some trusted friends in and asked for prayer,and cried, came home, and cried some more.

I gave everything to God, again, and to be honest I don't feel much better. I'm sure I will eventually but in the meantime I'm trying desperately not to take everything back again. Trust and pray have become my mantra. I'm so upset that all this is happening at Christmas time, I feel so jipped, my usual enthusiasm for the season has been clouded. Oh well, this too will pass, everything does.

I need to vent!

I'm glad it's thursday. Get ready for a vent tonight girls, if I don't explode before then.

Are we crazy?

So I've been watching the weather in Alberta and it hasn't been pretty, consistently in the -20 area!! I was just thinking that I don't think my winter clothes are wintry enough!!! I'm gonna FREEZE!!!! hehe, I'm really looking forward to it!!

Those crazy toddlers....

I found a great article on toddler behavior. Check it out here.

Payton already has more rhythm than her dad. I'm not saying that to be mean, but Rod can't even clap in rhythm!! She cracks me up, she has a little jig she does, her whole little body jives. Now she either sings at the same time or says "dance dance dance dance". I LOVE IT!! hehe, she is so going in dance lessons when she's old enough!!

Testing..123

I have always believed I have large amounts of patience. Not never ending mind you, just more than your average. I am finding that the greatest test to my patience is my one year old. She's wonderful, funny, adorable, loving, full of life and energy and the cutest ever. But she's also one, into everything repeatedly and without the reasoning skills needed to explain why she shouldn't.......There's nothing as humbling as having a child, in so many different ways.

Looking forward to the "terrible two's".....

Yum!!

I have discovered Diet Orange Crush, sweetened with Splenda rather than Aspartame! Tastes good without as many crazy chemicals! Good news for us trying to cut back on sugar!!

Choices

I've been sitting her tonight and pondering, one thought in particular has my wheels turning. How much about life is choices? Things we choose to do or not to do, things we choose to be or not to be. I know things happen that we have no control over, but we choose what to do afterwards. So if I've been choosing to let certain thoughts and feelings run my life how do I un-choose them?

Right now I choose to stop thinking and go to bed...good night!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ROD!!!

Thanks for being such a wonderful husband and father!! We love you!

Jingle Bells

Went Christmas shopping tonight. Got some stuff done. It's very crazy out there!! I forgot how much I hate finding a parking space in December, yuck yuck yuck!! Payton makes shopping miserable for me now if I'm by myself, I get next to nothing done :( That's why I was hoping to get more done while Rod was there, oh well, what can you do?

Highlight of my day: Payton running around singing "Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle bells Jingle bells ". TO CUTE!! hehe

Snowbound

Yes, I love the snow. I love how it makes everything look so beautiful and peaceful. I love going out to play, the crunch under your feet. It reminds me of my childhood(I grew up in Alberta, there was LOTS of snow). It makes me feel festive.

This year so far, I also find it makes me feel trapped. This brings with it feelings of overwhelm and exasperation. I need to run my kid around, there just isn't room in my place to do that. Yes we all get bundled up(a painstaking process) and go outside to play the snow, which lasts for varying lengths of time depending on the child. Thenwe all get unbundled(another painstaking process) and go back inside. Payton's not quite into the snow yet, doesn't want to run around much, she'd rather I carried her which takes the fun out of it. So I look for other options, where can I take kids that's indoor, fun, and free(or really really cheap?) There's just nowhere. I ended up taking them to Superstore earlier in the week and letting them run loose in the toy section. I'm sure they loved me!

I also don't have winter tires, they are decent tires, I just can't afford a winter set. So driving very far when it's snowing, or when the roads are covered makes me nervous. I haven't had a problem I am just very busy anticipating them.

Despite everything I still am enjoying the treat of the snow, we have it so rarely. So I say,

"LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW LET IT SNOW"

Just not when I have to drive, have kids who need to be run, or need desperately to get out....

Is it wrong....

to let kids play Nintendo for hours when you have a migraine?

We did play outside a couple of times but that's about all the entertaining I've felt up too, and if you let them choose what to do it's almost always nintendo. Oh well...they've been quiet.....

Holly scored a day off....

This morning I didn't want to drive because of the snow and was going to take her to school at lunch time, now that the roads are fine I have a migraine coming on and I can't drive....

Lucky Holly

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas....

It's SO beautiful outside. A winter wonderland, I'm so upset that my camera isn't working. I'm going to have to borrow Sonia's and get some shots of the snow, especially if I take Payton out to play!!

Schools are open in Mission, but Rod called and said that although some roads are plowed they are still slippery and said he didn't think I should venture out on the roads yet. So unless Shelley braves the roads I'm keeping Holly home and we'll see what happens later. Besides it just started snowing again!! YEAH!!

IT'S SNOWING!!!!!!!

Something completely useless

Click here

My record is 84, I know, I'm amazing.....

Busy-ness, in a good way

Wow, what a crazy weekend. For a switch I hardly saw my kid at all!! Sat a group of us got together and made some Christmas cards. It was so nice to visit and be able to be creative without chasing Payton around. When I got home I found my Christmas tree up with lights strung. I had decided not to put my tree up this year but Rod had other idea's! But it is nice to have it up!! I'm not sure about whether I'll fully decorate it or not, Andrew is trying to put some plastic) ornaments up but Payton keeps pulling them off. So they are all in a straight row right above her reach!! LOL!!

Then we got to go to the Grey Cup on Sunday! We never would have bought tickets so it was a real treat. It would have been even better if Vancouver was playing but it was great anyways. I chose to cheer for Edmonton and after double overtime they won! It was a very close game with made it more fun. The half time show was bad, it was SO bad. The Black Eyed Peas performed, now I'm not a fan of theirs anyways but I was still going to watch, I wanted to go to the washroom and stretch my legs but I was going to wait until after the half-time show. A couple minutes in I decided I'd rather miss it than the football game!! But the whole day was nice we rode in with Rod's dad and Jillian so we got to visit, then we strolled around all the Grey Cup activity going on, went for lunch, then to the game.

What a good day!! What a good weekend!!

Of course no cleaning, grocery shopping or Christmas shopping got done, but you can only do so much!!

Idea's wanted

My extended family this year is doing a gift exchange game, you know one of the ones where you can steal ect. Where for some reason everyone figures the best gift is the big heavy one, just like when we were kids. Anyways I think it will be fun but I've been shopping a couple of times and as always am having a hard time coming up with two neat, unisex gifts, that are $15 and under(I think that was our limit anyways). Has anybody got any ideas?????

Darn

We're going to the Grey Cup!! Rod won tickets on the radio coming home from work!! It will be so fun for us to have a date!!

And here comes the reason for the darn. I thought we had someone lined up to watch Payton but it looks like they had prior engagements that they forgot about. So if anybody is available and so inclined to watch my baby please let me know. Thanks.

You Raise Me Up

I had a couple really peaceful days recently. The best days in months. There really wasn't anything special or specific that happened, just a calmness and peacefulness resting on my soul. There was no doubt in my mind that everything would work out, that I was living in God's will. Besides being wonderful it reminded me of what it was like to rest in peacefulness. Now a few days later I can feel a shift that has left me craving peace, peace within myself. I have been reminded of what it's like to rest in God's will and trust him with my whole being, now I'm not going to settle for any less than what God wants for me.

When the overwhelm, fustration, and panic started to set in again last night I chased it away. When it tried this morning I started to feel defeated. But instead of giving up I said simply to God, "I can't do this everyday, show me what to do". A few minutes later a song came on the radio that reminded me that I'm not alone and sometimes I just need to stop and wait, he will come, he always does.

The funny thing was it wasn't a Christian radio station.



You Raise Me Up
Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary
When troubles come and my heart burdened be
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
(4x)

YEAH!!!

IT'S FRIDAY!!!!



And I went Christmas shopping and bought myself a new purse!! It was a good day!!

Familiarity

I'm reading Captivating, well, I'm trying to read Captivating. Somehow it makes me angry and self abusive. I'm not sure if it's just because I don't want to deal with my issues, or I just have a block about seeing myself as beautiful. I think maybe I like my issues, I like my box, it may not be comfortable, but it's familiar.

But I'm working on it, sort off.

Has anyone noticed?

That it's Nov 16 already???? AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Anyone need to go Christmas shopping? I'm going to need some support.....

I'M HOME!!

Excerpt from michelles TXT message

"in calgary, very bumpy, feeling sick..."

This is me signing off...for now...

I am about to go pack my suitcase, finally. My house is not going to be cleaned before I go :( But that has to be ok, because that's the way it is going to be. None of my relatives there have internet, hard to believe I know. I will try to find an internet cafe or something to let you all know how I'm doing. If not I'll ask Rod to post for me that I made it safe and sound. I hope everyone has a great week!!! See you in a week!!

Just a vent

Well, my nice cool exterior is quickly evaporating. My brain is whirling so quickly that I don't even know what's going on in there and the result is fustration. The house is a disaster, it all started with Rod and I taking a day off from tidying on sat. We figured it would be nice just to spend some time together not worrying about anything house-holdish, and we would get to everything on sun. Well on sun we got the news about my grandfather which sent the rest of the day into a loss. Well we did do some stuff, but it was attempting to clear some of the space in the bedroom and doing laundry. Big mistake, big big mistake. Note to self always ALWAYS do the main living area first. As that is where most of your time is spent and is most likely to drive you insane if messy. Between trying to figure out what was going on, and having a Payton(and others) not only is my house still a mess but I'm not packed either. AH!! It's just to much for my little mind to take. So to anyone that will be in my house while I am gone, I apologize, it's not usually this disgusting. Really, it isn't. Don't worry about it my husband says, which is fine and all, but I do not want to come home to this and there are going to be people here. ARGH!!

I spent a bunch of time today getting some pictures ready to be printed, pictures of Payton and the family to show to relatives. I was going to send them to London Drugs online and pick them up later. So I got them all ready went online and filled out all the forms, when I got to the last step before confirmation it says, they will be ready for pick-up within 24hrs. I will be in High Prairie in 24 hours!! And you can't use your keychain(discounts) online either. ARGH!! So now because I need to be doing things here and Payton needs to nap there is no way I am going to have any pictures to take!!!

Anyways, I just needed to vent, I need to stop now and go and try to get something accomplished. In 7.5 hours I need to be leaving here for the Airport, think I'll do it???

I've come to a realization....

I'M ONLY ONE PERSON!!!!

What am I going to do without my baby for 6 days??????

Things to do

Well, it looks like we've got child care covered. One thing down, many to go. I need to clean my house, I don't want to come home to such a mess. And I need to find something to wear to the funeral. I also have to pack everything else. Make sure Payton's clothes are clean and everything else is ready.

K, game plan: Put Payton down for her nap, clean, when she gets up go to Reitmans and see what I can find. Come home, laundry and clean some more. Tonight after Payton is in bed. Pack some and clean some more....

Well it's official...

I am Alberta bound, well not quite yet, but soon. I'm leaving Thursday and will be back Tuesday. Rod is going to stay home with Payton, he's going to stay home from work on Thursday and Friday is a holiday. Does anyone want a 1 year old for a couple days next week?? How bout a seven year old? Gee, my life got complicated quickly.

I just had a thought, well a couple really. What am I going to wear to a funeral? And do I even have any winter clothes, I mean REAL winter it gets below O and there may be snow winter clothes???
ARGH!!!!

Ok, just a couple more..SOMEBODY STOP ME!!!

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

What's with this???

You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

You would think I have alot of time on my hands!!

You Are Likely an Only Child

At your darkest moments, you feel frustrated. At work and school, you do best when you're organizing. When you love someone, you tend to worry about them. In friendship, you are emotional and sympathetic. Your ideal careers are: radio announcer, finance, teaching, ministry, and management. You will leave your mark on the world with organizational leadership, maybe as the author of self-help books.

The Birth Order Predictor

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

What Kind of Candy Are You?

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front. Shy and private, you yearn for security. You take relationships slowly. You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

Your Birthdate: April 29

You have the mind of an artist, even if you haven't developed the talent yet. Expressive and aware, you enjoy finding new ways to share your feelings. You often feel like you don't fit in - especially in traditional environments. You have big dreams. The problem is putting those dreams into action. Your strength: Your vivid imagination Your weakness: Fear of failure Your power color: Coral Your power symbol: Oval Your power month: November

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 10/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant. Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness. In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive. You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while. And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Your Observation Skills Get A C

You tend to notice the big things in life... But the details aren't exactly your forte

How Observant Are You?

You Are A Good Friend

You're always willing to listen Or lend a shoulder to cry on You're there through thick and thin Many people consider you their "best friend"!

What Kind of Friend Are You?

This is why I hate it when the phone rings in the night....

My Grandpa passed away last night. My Dad's Dad. I'm so glad we went out there this summer. These are photos taken while we were there. My Grandpa, Payton, and my Aunt Donna(my Dads sister). He would have been 92 in a few days.

Despite rainy days and busy schedules we did manage to take Payton for her first trip to the pumpkin patch. Along with a couple extra stow-aways!! We had a good time, and as you could tell we couldn't bring home just 1 pumpkin!! In our defense they weren't ALL for us!! hehe!!

Mom=

Wake-up call, chef, taxi driver, race car driver(well not really but that's what it feels like when you pick up three kids in 30min from 3 different schools), referee, dishwasher, laundress, maid, therapist, teacher, doctor, and of course the big bad wolf......

It's no wonder I feel inadequate most of the time, I'm way under-qualified!!

Gosh I hate this

My baby is sick. I hate that she can't tell me what's wrong. All I know is she's got a fever of 102 currently and we've been trying to cool her down. :(

Daylight savings time

What a bummer. My usually enthusiasm for "fall back" and the extra hour of sleep it usually entails is no longer. Once you have small children it is just something that causes you to be up an hour earlier(yes I know in "reality" it is actually the same time but that's besides the point). Payton figured it was time to be up at 6:30 this morning, I realize that her internal clock was indeed correct, but doesn't she take daylight saving into account??? I didn't think she's sleep in but I'm forever hopeful.....

From Captivating

UNSEEN, UNSOUGHT, AND UNCERTAIN

" I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it-something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heals, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

After all, if we were better women-whatever that means-life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought-that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain-uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the beauty of some great story. But the desires set down deep in out hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us-whether from a driven culture or a driven church-is try harder."

From Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

So tired

I wish I was one of those people who function well on small amounts of sleep. I seemed to do quite well for awhile, I guess survival mode kicked after having Payton. Not saying I wasn't exhausted but at the same time 4 hours in a row was a miracle, I felt refreshed. I hate complaining because I know others who are getting less sleep than me but oh my gosh, it's starting to get to me. I think it's worse because I know Payton CAN sleep through, she's done it before. She's been going through a very long poor sleeping spell again. She's had a cold and there always seems to be a new tooth on the way now so I can't blame her. I just hate it when I wake in the (early) morning to Payton crying and wanting to get up and I feel resentful. I can't stand myself when that happens. I love my daughter and wouldn't change having her for anything, it makes me feel like the worst mother in the world, being resentful of a one year old over sleep. Argh. I think I need to work on a what I'm thankful for list!!! And go to bed earlier!!

On this day "21" years ago.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR FRIEND MANDY!!!

Hope you had a great birthday, your getting more beautiful every year!! Love you!!

One of those days

So today sucked. I woke up feeling yucky and that progressed into a migraine. I can't find my T3's so I took a couple gravol and some Tylenol in hopes that I would be able to sleep. It worked, I slept for hours and hours. By the time I regained consciousness my head was feeling bearable. Which is good but most of the day was gone. I have accomplished absolutely nothing. Today was my day to get stuff done around here, stuff that desperately needs doing. I think I am a bit of a control freak, when things are out of my control or just feel that way I feel so overwhelmed it's almost unbearable. I hope this week goes by smoothly so I can regain a semi-balance of control in my house. Yikes!!

Michelle needs......

1. Go to Google.
2. Type in "[your first name here] needs"
3. Search

Michelle needs:

- your help. -Ummm...Yeah!!
-to move on with someone else since Tony's no longer around. -Tony?
-to find out that it is her baby and take her home. -I'm missing a baby??
-a home that can accept her limitations. -Yes, my inability to function without chocolate.
-a family that can love her for the young person that she is. - Doesn't everyone?
-money so she can travel to Canada. -how about just money?
-work. - because what I do isn't work?
-to spend some of her newly acquired wealth on attending a USGA rules.- Wealth??
-to increase her income. -ok, make up your mind about the money thing
- more to compete with the big boys. -hmmmm....
What Michelle needs to do is win. - Yes, I do like winning
-a family that will be patient, consistent, kind, loving. -Love and money seem to be a theme
- to gain experience. - I'm working on it!!

Have I mentioned to anyone.....

That I'm going to Alberta for Christmas???!!!

Yup, my mom wanted to get everyone together for Christmas. It's been a long long time since we've had a Colton family Christmas. She's also worried about my grandparents, they're health isn't getting any better. So she bought us plane tickets. I might actually get a white Christmas!! I'm a very excited!! Although I am nervous about taking a busy toddler on a plane!! It defiantly gives Christmas another thing to look forward to!!

My mind is a scary place.

I keep losing things in it. You know idea's, things I'm supposed to remember, stuff, anything and everything that goes into it disappears. It's really starting to drive me insane.

I bought a birthday gift months ago, you know there was a sale and I thought I was being all on top of it, organized even. I know I know, those of you who know me well will laugh here. Anyways I clearly remember putting it somewhere safe so I could find it when the time comes. So, the time has come, and......I CAN'T FIND IT!! ARGH!! I have torn apart my already messy bedroom, it is now a certified disaster zone. Clean sweep anyone?? And looked in every other conceivable place, our place is small, there are only so many places it could be!! The good news is I'm sure I can use it in the future, I just want to use it now! (insert pout)

Chow for now, I'm going shopping.........

You are Schroeder!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

"Yes, the climax of this story is right there where we realize that we live Him and that we mustn't reduce Him to a performance, a mere play to sit idly by and watch. No, we must push back the enemy of apathy and become Him as the lovers He created us to be, the very ones that accelerate goodness in this world by taking a hand in ours and by offering justice for the oppressed and dignity to the broken. And we'’ll wrap it all up in a package called simplicity.

So ultimately, if we trust the Rider when he says go, well, then, we can honestly rise above the mundane and the minutia and simply meet his gaze and say, so I go -– not past tense mind you, but a personal commitment in the form of an ongoing action verb, one of moving and loving and going with arms wide open."

This was an excerpt taken from a post on So I Go.

I found this very powerful. I have feeling dry lately. Almost spiritually dead. I find lately I have to remind myself to be thankful, to read my bible, even to pray. Which is scary because praying always came naturally, I just did it, sometimes with out even realizing I felt a need, stopped what I was doing and prayed. I'm in a slump. Nothing grabs me, nothing pulls me. I desperately need to find the restart button and try this all again. I'd seen So I Go's comments here and there and decided to check it out. It really gave me something to think about and ponder for today and I'm thankful for that. He really is an amazing writer, you should check it out.

Hmmm.....

Seems like all my Mondays are the same. I hate Mondays.

Yet another new game of tag....

The rules are as follows:

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

My 23rd post, 5th line is as follows:

"We didn't know if we were coming or going."

Hmmm....Yup, still applies!! hehe.

I tag, Misty, Sue, Mandy, Jenn, and Kaylyn. Have fun!!

Ok, lets try this again....

This post "disappeared" when I tried to post it. I hate that!! So here I go again!!

I wrote a blog this morning about all the things I've been worrying about lately. Blah Blah Blah. I've been letting myself get stressed out again. So I turned to my bible and am going to share what I found.


"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
JEREMIAH 17:7-8

"Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
PSALM 94:17-19

"Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"

"From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
MARK 9:21-24

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7


"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 PETER 5:7

Bad dreams

I had a dream last week that I can't get out of my head. I can explain it logically but my emotions are still very raw. I dreamt Payton had cancer. She was older, how much older I don't remember but she had been to Thailand so I'm guessing in her teens. She had undergone treatment after treatment and was getting sicker and sicker, nothing was working. The last thing I remember was holding her and crying together, she wanted to stop the treatments. She wanted to go live her final days with dignity in Thailand. That was her final wish, for her family to go with her and stay until the end. "I'm not afraid mom, I know I'm going to heaven and will see you there, but I need you to let me go". I can remember my mind racing and the enormous feeling of pain and loss. It still haunts me, I'm crying as I'm writing.

At that exact moment I woke up, Payton in real life was crying from her crib. It was like she knew I needed her. I went and held her close still crying and prayed over her. She cuddled in and indulged my need just to hold her. The rational part of me knows exactly where this dream came from, a friend from high school's dad is very sick with cancer, the last blogs I read before going to bed where Mitch's and Jill's about Thailand, and also I have had to say good bye before. My sleeping mind just put everything together in a very scary and very real way.

Normally I wouldn't let it bother me, my dreams have always been random and unexplainable. Until I got pregnant, I had a few very specific dreams while I was pregnant, some of which came true, some of which I'm still waiting to see the outcomes. I'll tell you about one in particular that freaked me out. I had an appointment to meet my midwives in a few weeks, I had never seen them and didn't know anybody that knew them, all I knew about them was their first names. In my dream I went into the clinic and met one first, she was older, tiny, and had long grey hair, then I met the other, she was middle aged with short black hair. There was more details that I don't remember now. Anyways I didn't think much of it when I woke. When I arrived at the clinic for my appointment I was amazed at how similar it was to my dream but wasn't really freaked out yet because many clinics look the same. When I met Denise I took a double take, she was exactly as I had seen in my dream, older, tiny and had long grey hair. Still I thought I could have just associated a midwife with the older grey haired mother/grandma figure. A little weird but not completely odd. It wasn't until I met Sylvia and she was exactly like my dream as well that I got a little freaked out.

So now dreams kind off freak me out. Mostly they've been back to my regular odd dreams nothing of any substance, until this one. And no I'm not pregnant in case you were wondering, still I can't help the feeling of dread, the what if? from worrying me. Now that I have had dreams come true, what if this one does?? I know it is unlikely and shouldn't worry myself, but lately I've been haunted.

I need to be thankful...

I'm thankful I've never known what it really means to be hungry.

I'm thankful that I'm healthy enough to notice when I have a cold.

I'm thankful that tonight I'm able to climb into a nice warm bed and not have to worry about a hurricane.

The simple things

Life's all about simple things right now. I'm striving to be thankful for something everyday, to see God in my daily life. Extraordinary God moments are phenomenal but they aren't what's going to keep me going on a daily basis. Yesterday, among other things, I was thankful for friends and being able to spend time catching up after way to long.

This morning I am especially thankful for:

-My husband who works extra hours to support Payton and I
-Friends who got home safe and sound from a restful vacation
-A baby girl who loves her Mama so much
-A warm cup of coffee with cream

I guess she took my advice....

Today I noticed Payton pulling at her mouth again and figured she must be working on her other top tooth. It's a fight to check as she doesn't like you poking around in her mouth and I can't blame her if it's sore. So after a short struggle I find not one, not two, but three new teeth just barely cutting through the gums!!! OUCH!!! So she's gone from having 2 teeth to 6 teeth in a week!!! Busy girl!!!

We sang a song in church today, well we sang many songs in church today but one struck me in particular. Amazing love. I love that song, have since the first time I heard it but today somehow I heard it differently, it's hard to explain. The line "it's my joy to honour you, in all I do, I honour you" really struck me. I really want to honour God in everything. I want my life to scream of my faith. I don't think it does and that stings. I need to remember that I'm not living my life for myself, I'm living it for God. Everything I think, everything I do needs to reflect that. We allow day to day life to get in the way of the joy we should feel everyday by living for God. I long to be where God wants me to be, close to him but I find myself floundering more often than not. I guess it's a constant longing for a more personal and obediant relationship with our Father. I'm just glad I've been given the gift of moments of clarity, so I can see what I'm striving for. I hope I never give up.

Amazing Love.

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
I'’m accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well, you'’re spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again


Amazing love, how can it be
that you my king would die for me
Amazing love, I know it'’s true
now it'’s my joy to honor you
Amazing love, carry me
My king would die for me
Amazing love, I know it'Â’s true
It'’s my joy to honor you
in all I do, I honor you...

You are my king...

It's about time!!

We finally after all these years called our wedding photographer about finishing our package or buying the negatives. They called back today and said they would sell us the negatives for $100. YEAH!! I'm finally going to get to make my wedding album!! And give pictures to family and friends who have been bugging us!! I'm SO excited, which I'm usually not about pictures but my wedding day I felt the most beautiful I have ever felt in my life, and I feel the pictures show it. YEAH!!

Our wedding, Sept 1, 2001. These aren't great quality they are just a couple of our proofs scanned.

Another wedding photo.

I think I might be in trouble...

I have noticed a theme in some of Paytons favorite things.

1. Shoes
2. Phones, any phones
3. Bags/purses

I put treehouse on tv for her so I could drink my coffee and check out the blogs, she decided that wasn't what she wanted to watch and was playing with the buttons. A few minutes later I noticed that the tv had been on one channel for awhile so I glanced over, she was sitting on her couch watching intensely. Guess what she was finding so interesting??? THE SHOPPING CHANNEL!!!!! Oh dear......

After much pain and agony.....

Yes, FINALLY, we have tooth number 3!!!!! (Insert clapping and enthusiastic congratulations here!!)

A little chaos in the morning

I had a bad nights sleep last night. I'll post about that later. It left me feeling groggy and sleep deprived which was a great start!!. The alarm goes off, which is another thing I've got to get used to again, alarm clocks, nasty things!! I get up, get Holly up and dressed. I am just about to do her hair when the phone rings. It's Shelley due to circumstances I'm not going to get into, she isn't going to make it to take Holly for breakfast and then to school. Ok, no prob, I can take her to school. Oh, Payton's up, and grumpy she is. "I can't carry you around this morning grumpy Gus". Ok, breakfast I can't send a kid to school without breakfast. Toast in. Lunch!! Oh shoot!! What can I send for lunch?? Dig around in the fridge, find enough supplies for a good sandwich and snack, phew!! Meanwhile toast burns!! AHHH.... Holly informs me Payton needs a change....badly!! Put new bread in the toaster, watch it like a hawk. Perfect!! Breakfast is on. Go to change Payton, discover she's leaked through and needs new clothes as well. Clean bum, clean clothes, check! Payton is following me around whining..... Ok, what else? Brush my hair and teeth. Remember I actually never got to Holly's hair. Do Holly's hair. Holly's jacket is in her mom's truck. Dig out a sweater of mine. Her lunch kit is also in the truck...hmmmm Check time.. OH MY GOSH!! We have got to leave NOW! Holly has to pee...quick...go!! Remember Payton hasn't eaten, grab cookies. Shoes on, Payton in arm, keys in the door, "Holly where are your shoes???" Upstairs!!! GO QUICK!! Run up to the van get Payton buckled, get Holly loaded. Drive quickly, but not to quickly!! Get stuck behind a school bus and go through 10 school zones. Arrive at the school at 8:28, first bell has already gone, final bell at 8:30. See Holly run in sweater 10 sizes to big with a plastic bag lunch......phew

Payton is now fed and napping, I'm going back to bed......

and another!

Your Icecream Flavour is...Chocolate!

You are the all time favorite, chocolate! Turning white kids black since the 1800s. Staining carpets, car seats, and bed sheets for centuries. One thing is for sure, you will never go out of style. You can't go wrong with chocolate!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Yet another.....

LOOK OUT! ���

Michelle McLatchy is a radioactive squirrel!!

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

It has been awhile since I've posted a Payton pic, so I thought I would. This was taken on our vacation when we were at Paytons Great Grandpa's in High Prairie, Alberta. It's one of my favorites from the trip!!

%$#$%@*())_($(*&^#%

My camera won't turn on!! I'm SO upset. I wanted to take a pic of Payton, but the camera won't turn on, no light, no anything. So I charge the batteries figured they're dead. Try again, nope....nothing!! What am I going to do without my camera????? ((((SOB))))

I know it's just a "thing", but to be honest it is one of my only "things" I care about. DARN IT!! Rod says it might be the switch, I hope so because we cannot afford a new camera!!!

*&!#@$^*!!$^%$^@&*!!!!

I am a brown Kangaroo....????

BROWN You are usually very straight-forward. You have a passive personality and enjoy nurturing those around you. You are very grounded and prefer to keep things simple and honest. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Big thanks to Misty and Sue!!

Today I got to go on a date!! YAH!! Thanks so much to Misty and Sue(and family) who watched Payton so Rod and I could sneak out for a few hours to celebrate our Anniversary. Yes it's been 4 years already!! I think Payton tired them out! She is rather busy!! She was SO tired she feel asleep on the way home. We fed her, let her play for about 5min and put her to bed. I haven't heard a peep!!

We went to the Olive Garden in Langley. It was SO good. They have non stop soup and salad. And the soup(Zuppa Toscana) is the reason we go. YUM!! Then we went to a movie. The first one in well over a year!! We saw 40 year old virgin. It was actually really funny. Warning: It has a lot of swearing and crude language. But if you don't mind that it was full of laughs!!

I think we should do it again before a year is up! Does anyone know a good babysitter?? I have no idea about who babysits and what the going rate is. I guess I should get it figured out. It's just that I have never left Payton with anyone who wasn't family or close friend before. And the amount of times could be counted on fingers.....I guess I've been a little nervous!! It'll have to happen sometime....

Another test!!

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I think I should see this movie....

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Expectations

I think I have finally figured it out. My issues aren't with life, rather with my expectations of life. And I think that's an all encompassing statement. My expectations are too high, expectations of myself, my life, my husband, my kid, even God. When your expectations are that high it's much to easy to get disappointed and disillusioned. So how does one go about lowering expectations???

Found this while blog surfing...too funny!!

Ode to a dearly departed friend

O Night of uninterrupted sleep, O Night of uninterrupted sleep,
Where for art thou, O Night of uninterrupted sleep?
Our relationship is gone and I miss it dearly.
You must have been jealous of my children because you left when they were born.
You have abandoned me when I needed you most and introduced you evil twin,
Night of waking up to feed baby, rock baby, comfort preschooler after nightmares, change wet sheets.
Did I take you for granted? Most assuredly, but if you come back to me I promise never to take you for granted again.

found it here.

Days off.....or are they?

So for today I have no kids. Well I have mine but if I only considered days off days without Payton I almost never would have days off!! So I have very few of these anymore and a list as long as my arm of things I'd like to accomplish.

Darn, she doesn't think it's time to nap. Will continue later.

K, I'm back. For the moment she's happily pulling every DVD we own out of the cupboard. I really need to get a lock on that.....

The problem being I never feel like I accomplish anything. Maybe I set my goals to high and get fustrated and overwhelmed. Maybe I just don't do enough. I don't know. What I do know is I must get something ANYTHING accomplished today or I will be cranky come evening. So all I ask is to finish the kitchen, get all the toys put away, everything out of the livingroom that doesn't belong, and the table cleared off, oh and some laundry, Payton's room needs some help, the bathroom needs cleaning, I need some "me" time, and some Payton and Mommy time, and hmmm...maybe I should get some breakfast, I'm going to need the energy.....

Now if Payton would only go for her nap....

Oops...this got long...

Sat night we went and had dinner with Misty and Phil. It was nice, with hectic work schedules and busy lives it feels like we never see them anymore. I guess it just feels weird when something that was a regular part of your life becomes almost non-existent. I think I've been mourning my "old life" a little bit. I wouldn't change having Payton for anything but I can't help but remember "the good old times" once in awhile. I think it's just part of the adjustment to this new phase of my life. I think I need to mourn a little to move on completely with peace. Does that sounds bad? I must admit to feeling a little guilt when I'm wishing for more sleep, or more time to myself. I just want to get this place organized and I can't seem to accomplish anything with a beautiful baby always wanting to be part of what I'm doing(anyone want to steal a baby for a couple of hours?? She's cute and very amusing!!). And I can't say no when all she wants is to play with me, one on one time with mom has also gotten more scarce recently and I want to make sure she gets enough mommy time. It's a balancing act that I haven't quite gotten the hang of, like a clown learning to juggle. I'm sure I'll get there but patience seems to be hard to come by lately!!

Anyways sat night was really nice as I already said. Misty took Payton right away and I was instructed to sit and relax. That felt really weird I kept asking if there was anything I could do, as there is always something I could be doing at home!! As I watched Misty interact with Payton as she fed and even bathed her I tried to imagine what the person growing inside her will be like. Boy or girl?? Laid back or feisty? As much as I want her to enjoy her pregnancy part of me just wants to meet this new person now!! A little later Phil was playing with Payton, it was too cute. She would take off away from him and he would stop her, she would squirm and complain until he put her down. Then with a mischievous look she would laugh, glance at him to make sure he was looking then take off again. Over and over this played out, I was howling with laughter. Again I thought of the growing baby. That is one lucky baby to have such wonderful people waiting for and loving it already. Yes a baby is a gift from God, but so are wonderful loving parents. Their lives are changing in ways they can't even comprehend, but in a beautiful, magical way. I have said a few times over the last year that all the excitement over a coming baby is like false advertising(obviously said during a hard time!!), that nobody prepares you for the reality. When the reality is you can't be fully prepared. But I don't feel that way anymore. I honestly am excited for them, for this journey they are on. It may not be what they expect but the rewards are so much greater. Payton is the best thing that has ever been given to me, besides grace!! The joys of motherhood far outweigh anything I have had to give up, it still amazes me that she is my daughter, she is so incredible!! All this joy over coming babies has helped me to find my daily joy again, helped remind me of my purpose and focus for right now. Raising my daughter, being thankful for my gift.

Thank you Lord for Payton, watch over her, help her to grow into a strong woman of the Lord!! And thank you for the gift that is growing inside Misty, help the baby to grow healthy and strong and help Misty to be happy and healthy throughout her pregnancy. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

!!!Warning!!!.....Vent ahead......

So I'm feeling a little crazy today. And why are you sharing this you ask? Well, to see if I actually am indeed crazy or perhaps just a victim of kids and heat and disorganization. I suspect the latter, although it would be much easier to declare myself insane and take a nice vacation in a padded cell, where I could actually catch up on my sleep.

I feel lost. Like a little bit of chaos has been slipping in day by day until BAM!! I feel like I am completely lost. Well maybe lost isn't the word......overwhelmed, disorganized, like a failure, dirty(in a messy sort of way), alone, and yes- crazy. Why am I still so disorganized? Payton is over a year and I still can't seem to figure out this whole stay at home mom thing. Why can't I keep up with the laundry(there's only 3 of us!!), dishes(again only 3 of us and we have a dishwasher!!), clutter, meals, ect ect ect. ARGH!! What am I doing if nothing is getting done? Or maybe my issue is lack of motivation, with the few moments I steal for myself I DON'T WANT TO!! I don't want to cook or clean!! I want to spend time with my husband, or sleep, or have a bath.....Am I just being selfish?? There has to be a happy medium, I just can't find it. I have been making a conscious effort to have quality family time, but with so much that needs to be done I can't relax and enjoy it. This excuse for a home is driving me insane!!! Geez, would you listen to me?? I need to stop complaining and just start doing. ACK.......see Michelle cleaning...happily.... :).......

Now that they have told(finally!!), I can do this.......

CONGRATULATIONS TO MISTY AND PHIL!!!!!

on expecting their first child!!! Due in April, good month!!!

We are so excited for you guys!!! Lots of love and prayer headed your way!!

Odds and Ends

So life feels pretty hectic lately. Hectic and overwhelming, but not in an entirely bad way, just different. I've never been one that adjusts to change very well, I'm happiest with complete security, always knowing what is coming. Yes I know that sounds boring but I just can't help it. So quitting my job really through me for a loop. There was no way I wanted to go back there, I know this is so much better, and I'm feeling a lot better about it than I have been recently. I still have moments of panic when I start thinking about finances and the fact that buying a house will probably be years from now. I just have to trust God to take care of us, and I know he will, yet I still struggle, but it's getting better. I have to figure out some sort of schedule and get my house organized so although I may still be overwhelmed from time to time, I won't feel like I'm in chaos all the time!! Besides a friend told me that life after kids stays overwhelming, that's why we need to lean on each other. Which sounds like good advice to me!!

On another note, we went to the lake yesterday. My plan was to grocery shop and work on my house yesterday, but when Misty invited us to go to Hayward lake we couldn't resist. We realized we hadn't been to out to the lake for the day in two summers!!, and with summer almost being over we figured we needed a day out. I actually went swimming, swam most of the way across and back. It felt so good, I came home feeling refreshed. My house was still a mess but my body and soul felt better!! Payton isn't much for the water yet, I'll have to get her into the water more to get her used to it. I am so tired this morning, Payton has had a couple rough nights. She woke several times last night just screaming I really had to work to calm her down. I'm not sure if those darn teeth are finally coming through or what but man I'm not used to severely interrupted sleep anymore. Sleepy....((((((yawn)))))))).......Oh and speaking of Payton, she's started walking!!! Just a few steps at a time, but her confidence and number of steps are growing quickly. Pretty soon I'll have a toddler!! Anyways that's enough for now!!

Ah......What???

A conversation recently had with Holly(7)

I am cleaning out Payton's room, boxing up to small clothes ect.

Holly: "What are you going to do with all Paytons too small clothes?"

Me: "Either we'll lend them to someone else who has a baby girl or hang on to them for when we have another baby"

Holly: "And how do you do that?"

Me: after a moments hesitation "Do what?"

Holly: "Have a baby"

Oh dear...

Me: "Um, what part exactly?" (I didn't know if she knew anything at all)

Holly: "Well you have to go to the Docter right?"

Me: "yes"

Holly: " We'll do you just tell him that you want a baby and he gives you a shot or something?"

Oh double dear.....

Me: "Well, no, you need a Mommy and a Daddy to make a baby."

Holly: "yeah, well how does it get inside?"

Oh CRAP, how did this start???

Me: "Um, well it's hard to explain, I'm not sure if your mom would like me to explain it to you"(hows that for dodging a question?

Holly: "Oh, hmm.....what can be so hard about it?"

Then lets it drop, thank goodness, I SO am not ready for that!!

A single thread in a tapestry
though its color brightly shines
can never see its purpose
in the pattern of the grand design.
and the stone that sits up on the very top
of the mountain's mighty face,
does it think that it's more important
than the stones that forms the base?
So how can you see what your life is worth,
or where your value lies,
ohhhh, you can never see through the eyes of man
you must look at your life
look at your life through heaven's eyes.
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
A lake of gold in the desert sand
is less than a cool fresh spring,
and to one lost sheep, a shepard boy
is greater than the richest king.
should a man lose everything he owns
has he truly lost his worth?
or is it the beginning
of a new and brighter birth?
So how do you measure the worth of a man
in wealth or strength or size?
in how much he gained or how much he gave?
the answer will come to ya
to look at his life through heaven's eyes.
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(2X)
and that's why we share all we have with you,
though there's little to be found,
when all you've got is nothing
there's lots to go around!
No life can escape being blown about
by the winds of change and chance
and though you never know all the steps
you must learn to join the dance
you must learn to join the dance
lai-la-lai...through heaven's eyes(repeat until fade)

Through heaven's eyes, on the Prince of Egypt soundtrack

You never know where you are going to find words of wisdom, right when you need it. In this case, sitting down to watch a cartoon....

Well, Payton had her 1 year check up today. "My baby" is 26lbs 12oz, 31 inches. Is that big?? All I know is that she's healthy, that's what's important!!

Where did you think you would be?

When I graduated I had high hopes and goals for myself. Or did I? I often wonder whether all the things I wanted for myself were my hopes or those of people around me. Regardless somewhere they became mine.

I was that kid who got good grades and seemed to get along with everyone. I didn't have a "crowd", I was friends with people from all different crowds. All my teachers and friends thought I'd "make something" of myself. What does that mean?? Does that mean being a doctor or a lawyer with high status and a high paycheck?? Or someone who gives a lot without expecting anything in return?? I don't know.

What I do know is I have spent a lot of time reflection on my life recently and I am definitely not where I thought I'd be by 26. I thought I'd have a career, not just a job but a career. Now, I think in my head the fact that I don't even have a job anymore is making me feel like a failure. I've received my last maternity paycheck and am now officially unemployed. Yes I realize that Payton is a full time job and if I was working I'd have to pay someone else to do it. But I have the internalized success driven model in my head of life should look like. After being the main money earner while Rod went to school and found a job, to having a baby, to being a stay at home mom has been a shock to the system. This is what I want, what we want for our family, still I have lingering feelings of worthlessness. Money is going to be very very tight, and I feel funny not contributing on that aspect. I will have some daycare, but does not make me feel secure. Maybe this is a fear of change thing but this morning I found myself freaking out about our future.

I guess where I thought I'd be by now wasn't realistic for me and I have to accept that without letting failure sit on my shoulders. I wonder sometimes if I've disappointed my friends and family with what I've done with my life. If I will be one of the ones at our 10 year reunion that everyone will be surprised at my life, the "oh she had so much potencial" girl.

I have so much to be thankful for. I'm sure that one day I'll look back and see this period in a different light. I am enjoying this time with my daughter I am just unsure where our daily living expenses are going to come from. I guess I am hanging onto something that I don't need to. I need to let go and let God. And I am trying, but I'm just not there yet.

Payton's first birthday

Well, we survived the first birthday party. It was busy but good. I didn't have much time to visit with everybody but I think that it went well. She had a great time and was spoiled rotten. Here she is eating her cake(and making a big mess!!) what fun!!

Guess who's birthday it is today??

Happy Birthday to Tysey!!!

Hope you have a great day!!

Life can be SO hard....

I talked to a friend today, someone I've known a long time but haven't talked to in awhile. She's going through some really, really tough times. I stopped and thanked God that even though I sometimes think I have it hard that I really don't, I have it so so good. I'm not going to mention any names but she could really use some prayer. For strength and perseverance, as well as the essentials like food and shelter for her and her kids. I also really want to introduce her to Jesus and feel like the time might be getting close where she would be receptive. I think that the only way she's going to make it is to find the strength to lean on God. All I can do right now is pray, and provide some support.

I was going to post some pictures of Paytons 1st.....1st birthday party?? That sounds strange!! Anyways the party with the relatives back in Alberta. But then I realized that all the pictures are on Rods laptop which is at his work. So that will have to happen sometime later. The Party was really nice. Chloe(my cousin) turns 2 on the 21 of July, so it was a joint birthday party. We went shopping the week before and found matching shirts for all three girls(Darby, my other cousin is 3.5). It was so cute!! Trying to get them to sit in one place and get a picture of all three in their matching shirts was another story! There were relatives there who hadn't met Payton before, it was great to see them!!

Anyways we are having her "at home" party this Sun afternoon. If anyone's interested in coming that I haven't mentioned it to please let me know!! It's just a casual barbecue, I can't believe she's already 1!!!

Just posting so i can change my pic.

Payton hates bath time??

My little girl who used to love bath time has decided that she HATES it. She used to have a great time, it was one of the only times when she was younger that she wasn't fussy. Then about a month ago she decided she didn't like having her hair washed then gradually it became I hate bath time altogether. She cries and screams when you give her a bath. What's with that?? Is it normal for a small child to change their mind about something so suddenly and dramatically without warning?? Very perplexing.....

Home again, home again....

Yup, we made it back!! Safe and sound. I am tired. Hmm...that doesn't quite convey enough emotion. I am TIRED!! There, that's better. I had a little nap this afternoon, when Rod came to get me up I wasn't pleasant. Poor Rod!! Actually I take that back. I had an appointment I had to go to this afternoon, Rod stayed home with Payton. I had been talking recently about re-arranging the furniture in the bedroom and organizing it because it drives me crazy. Rod decides that a good way to unpack is to organize the bedroom. I get home and there is stuff everywhere, the bed I so desperately want to crawl into is in parts. I could have cried. All I wanted was to unpack in a somewhat neat manner, and go to bed. Now there is STUFF all over my house. AHHH!!!! It was tidy when we got here. Honest!! Oh well, as long as the bed is back together at bedtime I'll be a happy girl!!

My excitement for the day was ALMOST hitting a deer. It was just a fawn, still had it's spots. I almost hit Bambi!! It was the closest I have ever come to hitting anything. I would have been devastated!! I had just been thinking that the only wildlife I had seen in awhile had been dead when all of a sudden there was a deer right in front of me. I swerved to the right hoping to give it enough time to cross, and it hesitates. OH CRAP!!! I went as far as I dared to the right then headed back into my lane and it continued out of lane just in time!!! I continued down the road for a few seconds and pulled over. I had to start breathing again!! I was freaked right out!! I woke Rod up with my swerving, tire screeching, and swearing, but Payton slept right through!!

Anyways there is other things to say but I better go see if I can wake up enough to get some organizing done tonight. Either that or head to bed........

To my beautiful daughter

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

At this moment one year ago today we were in the hospital for "observation". It was about now that my midwife checked me and I caused chaos by being fully dialated and ready to push after only 2 hours and not being actually admitted to the hospital. "OH" I said "you mean that searing pain in my hips is the babies head pushing them apart?? Interesting". At 8:11 my beautiful Payton was born weighing 8 lbs 4 ounces, with what felt like a HUGE head. HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!!

Greetings

So, I can hardly believe tomorrow is Paytons birthday. She's going to be a whole year old!!! I was trying to remember what I was doing last year at this time. Rod was just just home from a business trip, and other than the braxton hicks contractions I had been having all week I was feeling pretty normal. Well as normal as a 37 week pregnant woman can feel!! It wasn't until 5 am tomorrow morning that I even had an inkling that I would be having a baby early. Wow, this year has gone fast!!

Our week has been going well. I ended up at the walk in clinic yesterday because my pain from having my wisdoms removed started getting worse(and spreading) instead of better. I'm now taking antibiotics and it seems to be improving. I've been having a bad hair week. I think the change in climate is doing a number on my hair, I can't get it to look decent to save my life. Oh well, I should have brought a hat. We went to the parade on Wed, it was a lot of fun. Payton loved the marching bands and the horses. She was actually pointing and clapping. So fun!!

I've been thinking about vacations, what used to be and what is. Vacation with a toddler is not relaxing. If I wanted to catch up on sleep I should have stayed home. Payton just isn't sleeping well. And with my mouth being so sore I haven't been sleeping well either. So we've been having some naps but I don't want to spend all my visiting time sleeping. I guess my point is that if anyone wonders why people with children are so tired after vacation they must not have children.

Anyways, I'm going to get back to my visiting now. Hope everyone is doing well!!

Well..............

We made it!! I can tell I'm getting older by how I react to one night without sleep. It about does me in!! And yet I'm still up!! We are having a good time. Payton is having a blast. A whole new toy filled space to explore, complete with a pair of cousins to help her find new mischeif. I'll be on more later just wanted to check in. I was going to write something else but now am starring blankly at the screen....time for bed......

How much ice cream can one girl eat.....

Well, not only ice cream.......jello, pudding, milkshakes, and yes some actual "real" food(like soup) thrown in there. I am doing ok at the moment. Thanks everyone for your prayers and positive thoughts!! It was actually kind of a neat experience with all the machine's they had to hook me to. It was all new to me!! I got a bit freaked when I was starting to come to and they were still working. I couldn't open my eyes but I could feel them working in my mouth(no, there was no pain). I started to freak out a bit, but I really couldn't even move so it was mostly all internal. I must have managed to make a couple noises and I know my eyes were starting to water because I remember someone saying it was ok, they were almost done and I was doing really well. Then I must have gone back under, whether they gave me more drugs to knock me out again I don't know. The next thing I knew it was done. I was shaky and had that recent panic feeling lingering. It felt surreal. I was SO SO SO glad Rod had taken the day off to be there for me.

Anyways they put like a pound of gauze in your mouth and tell you not to take it out until you get home. It tastes bad, REALLY bad. I'm not sure if it was the gauze, the blood, the antibiotic, or a combination but I was dieing to get that stuff out of there. But we had to stop and get my prescriptions filled, buy food I can eat, and stop for a frosty of course!! So I get home and run to the bathroom to pull that junk out of my mouth and remember to check my "instructions" on post surgery care of my mouth. NO rinsing NO brushing NO spitting for 24 hours!! You've got to be kidding!! So I ran back into the kitchen for some ice cream to get rid of that nasty flavor in my mouth. YUCK. Feeling a bit dizzy I went for a nap. I was pretty tender for awhile, but I've been using ice packs and taking my drugs and I'm pretty good now. Still sore and a bit swollen but it could be SO much worse. I did brush my teeth, just could not go all day without, but I just did my front teeth and my tongue. It felt SO much better. I just hope it doesn't get worse tomorrow!!

I'm so glad you can't grow more wisdom teeth. IT'S DONE!!!!

Hey!! Remember me??

Yeah Yeah, I know it's been awhile. I have some catching up to do. But not tonight. Tonight all I can think about is in 9 hours I will be unconscious to the world getting my wisdom teeth out. AAAAHHHHHH!!!! I'm more than a little freaked out. I've never been put under before AND I've never had surgery before. I'm not a big fan of the unknown, or pain for that matter. So please please please pray for me. That I don't act like a big wuss and that everything goes well. Thanks.

Then bring me chocolate....Preferably in liquid form......

26 years ago today....

Singing loudly.....


Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to Misty
Happy Birthday to you!!

And many more.....

Hope you have a great one!!

LOVE YOU!!!