Friday, September 10, 2004

Misery loves company

I have discovered something new about myself. I have a mean streak. Yes, yes I really do. Those of you who know me might find this hard to believe, or maybe not, it is possible to live in denial.

I have a wonderful husband(Rod) and beautiful little girl(Payton). As it is Rod can sleep anywhere and through anything, where as Payton often thinks that night is not a good time to sleep. So at insane times of night(or morning) Payton and I are still up and Rod is sleeping peacefully. I can be in bed with Payton screaming right beside Rod and he doesn't even stir. Now this is where my mean streak shows up. I often get the urge just to kick him, and sometimes I do. Not because I need him for something, just because if I'm going to suffer I want some company. I guess the old saying really is true, Misery does love company.

It has been brought to my attention that some "Dads", not mentioning any names, pretend to sleep just so they won't have to get up. First of all, shame on you. And second I refuse to believe Rod could fake being asleep so well, I could be wrong, but hey he gets kicked either way!!

Saturday, September 04, 2004

Thank you Lord

I have come to realize lately how blessed I really am. I have so many people who care about me, really realy care about me, and so many wonderful things going on in my life. It's overwhelming really to think how some people have nowhere to turn and no one to turn to and I have so many places to turn for support.

It never fails to amaze me how God reminds me of this when I start to feel sorry for myself. It seems like every time I start to feel down about something God puts someone in my path who has it 10 or 100 times worse, and I have to say "Ok, Ok I get it, thank you Lord!" For example, I have a hard time sometimes with my six week old baby girl. She's fussy, sometimes downright hysterical, and I get overwhelmed and feel like I'm doing everything wrong, but it passes. I was talking to a friend of mine and she knows someone who's eight months pregnant and recently stopped feeling movement, she went for an emergency ultrasound and found that the baby had died. They don't know why and are obviously devastated. That made me ashamed to complain about my beautiful healthy baby who cries a lot. It made me stop and say


Thursday, September 02, 2004

The Reality

I realized something today, I'm officially a housewife. A 25 year old stay at home mom.

People, here I mean people with no kids or people who did not help raise their kids, often don't associate being a stay at home mom with work. And even I, until after Payton was born figured I'd have lots of time on my hands. I figured I'd have time to keep up on all the housework, have dinner ready when Rod got home, and even be able to catch up on all my unfinished projects. Insert laughter here....

Reality check, Payton is a full time job. Correction, Payton is 3 full time jobs. My time is dictated solely by her. I have been told that it gets better, eventually she will sleep more, eventually she will eat less frequently, eventually she will cry less, eventually she won't want to be on my lap every waking moment. I know she can't help it, after all she is a baby, and I know she did not ask to be born.

I had a moment the other night at 2am when Payton was screaming and I hadn't slept yet, during this moment a question formed in my mind:

Why doesn't anyone warn you?? I mean really warn you...

When you tell people your expecting they got so excited and happy for you, nobody says "Oh I'm so sorry....." Essentially it's false advertising. I guess at that point there's no need to scare the expectant parents more than they already are.

And just as a footnote, even knowing what I know now and experiencing what I have. I would still have had her. I love her that much. I just would have gotten myself more prepared, physically, mentally, emotionally and then I would have bought more diapers.