Sometimes, life's just like that.

Isn't it funny how the days just keep on passing by regardless of how your feeling? Things have been pretty rough lately and I've finally gotten to a breaking point. There's been a lot going on around Rod and I, things that really shouldn't be our problems, our concerns, but have become very much part of our world through our desire to help. But as things keep spiraling so does my emotional health. I feel used up, like I have no more to give yet keep trudging along because I have no choice.

Mentally, emotionally it feels like I've taken a severe beating and am in the process of scraping the pieces off the floor. Putting the pieces together feels hopeless. The pieces are so fragile and have a habit of shattering into pieces that just won't go back together. I think if I ever get it figured out the end result will look much different than when I started.

I have a habit of trying to deal with things on my own. If I let others know exactly how I'm doing I feel as though I'm burdening them. Even worse than that I don't let God in. He so desperately wants to help me and I don't want to admit anything is wrong. I finally heard him tell me to let others in, it's a shame he had to break my will to do it. I let some trusted friends in and asked for prayer,and cried, came home, and cried some more.

I gave everything to God, again, and to be honest I don't feel much better. I'm sure I will eventually but in the meantime I'm trying desperately not to take everything back again. Trust and pray have become my mantra. I'm so upset that all this is happening at Christmas time, I feel so jipped, my usual enthusiasm for the season has been clouded. Oh well, this too will pass, everything does.