Tuesday, August 22, 2006

And she boils over.

I've been having a rough time, and you know what? That's o.k. I'm not someone who processes things quickly. I need time, that's how I work. I will get through it, I always do. Right now I'm sad, moving ahead one step at a time, but I've had some good moments too. I'm not going to put my happy face on anymore, try to smooth it over so people won't worry or judge. I found out a week ago that we've lost a second baby, only a week. My grief, my anger, all my emotions, they are justified. What I'm feeling is valid and I'm tired of people telling me to focus on what I do have, and look at the positive. Don't get me wrong I'm very grateful for Payton and for the baby still growing away inside of me, so grateful, but I still need my time to work through everything. Just because I'm expecting does not magically take away my other emotions. And it does not mean I love the ones I lost any less. Does anyone expect people to magically get over a loss of a child or a parent or a friend? Please, just give me time, don't judge, don't diagnose, just support. I also apologize to my friends for not being there for you lately. I've been selfishly wrapped up in all my crap, I admit that. I still love you all and appreciate your support I just don't seem to have anything to give at the moment.

3 comments:

Miss-buggy said...

love you.

kaybrayshay said...

Sweetie, I love you and I am here for you. Anything that you need I will do for you. You have every right to the feelings you have. I've been there, and Iknow you just want space. It takes time to deal with it. Remember we all love you and will do anything to help you.

Kristi said...

you are right.

by being so positive and concentrating on the life that is there. I didn't pay any mind to life that wasn't.
Your feelings weren't validated.
I am so sorry.
And I am very sorry for you loss.