Friday, December 01, 2006

Exposed

Sitting here reflecting, should be sleeping, organizing, something. I had convinced myself that I'm growing, pushing forward, climbing out of the hole I've so often called home. That I'm doing better, maybe the truth is I'm becoming better with dealing with the same old same old. All I know is if I pull up posts from a year ago or more I find things I could have written today. It's the same stuff, my same issue's. That makes me feel so frustrated, daunted, what have I been fighting for? I'm getting by, I've gotten by but I thought it was so much more.

So many changes, big things to come. I don't deal well with change. Never have. I've got to though, those who don't change stay the same. They become rigid and eventually break and blow away in the wind.

Shouldn't be thinking about this right now though. To much else to concentrate on, this is a good way to send myself spiraling. Enough to cause me to sit and listen to Mad world over and over again.

I'm just tired, and isolated. Haven't been out of the house since last sat. I'll feel better after I get out tomorrow. And I do have plans for tomorrow!!

2 comments:

Miss-buggy said...

Hope you have a good day today.
Although you may feel like you are in the same spot I am going to disagree. You have taken steps. Big ones. That you haven't taken before. Ones that you were more willing to take this year.
I don't think the things we battle are ever going to "go away". They will always be there cause we always have questions. In regards to faith especially. If we had all the answers He wouldn't be such a mysterious and wonderful God. We keep the questions coming cause that is what we were meant for. The questions help us to grow closer to Him.
The other areas you have changed and you have learnt to let things go. I can see it. You may not believe it or see it but it takes someone who is on the outside looking in to tell you that you have changed. You are growing well. You are a good person and I think you are doing awesome.
Try not to stress out about it. I do understand though what you mean. I get the same thing. I am where I was.
But you aren't.
Love you.
HUGS

Shari da loop said...

I have seen definite growth in you. But we all go through those times, Michelle. Your human nature will have you rehashing out some of the same things over and over.

It is in our brokeness that God can reveal himself best to us. Keep on keepin on. Keep prayin and know that you are loved and prayed for.