Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Nothing like last minute mind changes...

In 12 hours or less I will be up and preparing to go to the hospital....AHHHH.....

I change my mind!! I think one is good!!

Last 30min or so I've been having a big panic attack.

My kid is grumpy and clingy, she hates coughing, and is wondering when the medicine will start working(so do I), she doesn't want to be far from me and I oblige but of course that means nothing else around here got accomplished. It's now suppertime and I look around and see clutter, this is NOT what I wanted to come to. Come home...with another baby..I'm going to have 2 kids 2!!!!!! Not 1 but 2!!! Then when I have grumpy, sick Payton days I won't be able to give her 100% attention, I'll have to say things like I know your feeling grumpy and sick but I'm sorry I can't cuddle with you right now, how comforting will that be?? I know I know we'll manage but man everything feels weird right now. I am SO emotional and SO hormonal it's not even funny. I think I'm going to bawl tomorrow, sadness, happiness, new beginnings, very very scary.....

Please someone tell me this irrational, hormonal, emotional mess that is me at this very moment is normal, tell me I'm not the only one to change my mind at 9 months pregnant, tell me I'm not a bad mom for changing my mind!!I love this baby so much and want it with all my heart but man I'm having a hard time adjusting to the reality of it all.

And I just want to add that anybody coming to visit me at home next week please ignore the mess, I can't foresee it getting any better than it is right now! I guess my favorite saying will be If your coming to see us your welcome anytime, if your coming to see my mess please make an appointment, and that just may be days, weeks, months from now!!

Ok, going back to my sweet kid who is crying like a banshee because I won't let her go outside and play in the rain when she is sick.......sigh.........

0 days.....0 days..... 0days!!!

5 comments:

Lee said...

normal, normal and normal.
Of course you cant picture having 2. You cant know what 2 feels like till you have it!
You will see, it is amazing how it all comes together. Siblings is a very amazing thing.
Good luck tommorow!!

Kaylyn said...

It is all normal. You will be amazing. Good luck and see you super early tomorrow!!

sue said...

Oh so normal. You've been in my thoughts and prayers as you get closer to your time. I remember being so sad for my oldest that he was no longer going to be an only child, but then when he came in to see me and his new brother I was overwhelmed with the new love I had for him as a big brother. Wild! I'm telling you, I was blown away by it. Then he was so thrilled to have this new life to love too...well, you will know what I mean in a few hours. The love just multiplied!

Fruitloopgirl said...

i totally felt that way before having my second.

Rosa said...

OH mama! Yes, all those feelings are normal! And to anyone who plans on visiting you postpartum: please bring her a dish of food to eat, enough to feed her whole family. Also, do her dishes or fold the laundry. Never, and I mean, NEVER visit a new mama and not bring food or clean SOmETHING in home. Really, that needs to be customary here in America - it's all in support of the new mama and new family. :)