So I've been thinking a lot lately(I know....that's dangerous) about who I am and who God wants me to be. Honestly I have no idea, on both accounts. Who am I?? Stripped of my good looks and wit, stripped of the titles and the stuff, what is left?? Who would I be without my friends and without my family(besides lonely). Is there a me under there?? What does God see?? All I see is daughter, wife, mother and friend. You could say I was nice, or awful, but that's still not me that's actions I make. What is it about me that God loves so much?? I wish I could see what he sees then maybe I would understand grace, maybe I would understand sacrificing your own son, maybe I would understand this unfailing, unwavering love. Which brings me to what does God want me to be. Yes I know the Bible tells us how we should try to act, but I'm talking about me specifically. What does he want me to accomplish, where does he want me to be, what does he want me to be doing?? I'm so unsure. I've felt a heaviness lately like he's trying to tell me something and I just don't get it. What are you trying to prepare me for?? I feel a tugging, a gentle calling but it's like he's speaking in sign language and I'm blind, I just can't see!! I'm scared Lord because I know your going to pull me out of my teeny tiny comfort zone, but I will follow you Lord if only I knew where you were going!!
Thursday, March 10, 2005
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2 comments:
and therein lies the adventure....
abraham had no idea where God was leading him either, but he followed in faith. remember, God knows the plans He has for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you.... how cool is that??!!??
I can comment!!
I totally get what you mean. I am strugling with who I am and who I am in Christ. It is a tough one. I too wish I could see what He sees then maybe I would love myself. Like he does.
I will tell you what I see in you. Among other things I see:
A wonderful person who is always there when we need her.
An awesome mother and wife.
A good example.
God's child and God's chosen one.
I also see the faith you carry and how strong you are. I also have witnessed the sadder moments but it shows me that you are a person with feelings. I can't say who you are on the inside. I can't even say who I am on the outside or inside. Just knowing that God sees us for what we may not see is what makes it all worth while for me. (If any of this made any sense)
As a friend said, everything will happen in God's timing, "little by little".
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