I'm doing it again

I'm letting my self worth be tied up in how well I run my household. When I was younger and much more naive, I had visions of what it would be like when I had a family. I would stay home with the kids, who were always well behaved. My house would always be spotless because really what else do I have to do? Dinner would be on the table for when my husband got home, so we could have a family dinner. And somewhere in there I still had time to play with the kids, and have ample time for me. Add in there something about saving the world and looking like a supermodel and you have summed up my life's ambitions 10 or so years ago.

Since then I've had several healthy doses of reality, I realize that life just harder than I thought. I know that I'm not a failure because my house is never spotless and I rarely have dinner ready when Rod gets home but I also can't help thinking that with Payton being 10 months old that I should have this a little more figured out by now. How come some days I still can't manage to get a load of laundry done?? I have one small child, what's going to become of me when we have another??

I am so thankful that God is 100% pleased with me, I don't have to live up to any expectations for him. Now if I could just let myself off the hook.....