Wednesday, June 15, 2005

There are moments

I've been going through some tough personal stuff recently. Every once in awhile I have a moment of perfect clarity, where the fog clears and I hear Gods voice clearly. Whatever the message, I feel such pure joy in that instant it's almost painful. I thought I would share my last one with you.

At church on Sunday I was out in the hallway with the baby when God clearly told me to go sit down and listen. I found the sermon very powerful and obviously I was meant to hear it. God helped me to realize that I have been choosing to live a second rate Christian life by not reaching out and asking for help. I've been living along a flat line, not feeling much of anything on a daily basis. I'm missing the passion and joy and the feeling of pure conviction that I should feel as a Christian with a close relationship with God. Now don't get me wrong I realize that everyday shouldn't be extraordinary and that normal everyday life doesn't hold much excitement but I've been so flat and so down for so long it's time to reach out and up for some help.

I've also been struggling with trying to figure out the difference between what I want to do with my life and what God wants me to do. I've come to a stand still out of fear of making the wrong choice. I have some passions that are very clear and sometimes very scary for me, but I've never known if it's my own personal desires or Gods. During service many of my old passions that have been suppressed for years started working their way to the surface and again I was trying to push them down. As I was fighting with my mixed emotions I heard God again, he said to me "I have given you passions for a reason, don't you think I want you to use them?" I was stunned. I never even entertained the thought that my passions and Gods desire for me could be the same thing. I just thought that I shouldn't be living my desires as that would be living for me.

So that was my moment and now I am trying to figure out where to go from here. Something to think about.

6 comments:

kaybrayshay said...

God has given you them for a reason!! I know you will use them. Love ya

Merve said...

http://amerve.blogspot.com/

susanna said...

awesome michelle. let's 'do' coffee again soon. i can't wait to hear what God is speaking to you.

Sue said...

I think it is wonderful Michelle that God is going down deep with you. Susan said once that He initiates our desires and then brings about their fulfillment. How can we go wrong if we are listening to Him? Our desire and His will are often the same thing! Your heart already belongs to Him, you are following Him.

Shari said...

That is awesome Michelle. I can't wait to see and hear where God is taking you!!

Miss-buggy said...

So cool Michelle!
God is reaching for you and so am I. I will lend my support to help you with whatever you need. I am so glad that God gave me a wonderful sister like you. You are sure experiencing a wonderful journey with all the ups and downs as well. You were there for me and here I am. I love you so much and am proud of the steps you are taking. So is God. So are so many others.