Monday, August 29, 2005

Oops...this got long...

Sat night we went and had dinner with Misty and Phil. It was nice, with hectic work schedules and busy lives it feels like we never see them anymore. I guess it just feels weird when something that was a regular part of your life becomes almost non-existent. I think I've been mourning my "old life" a little bit. I wouldn't change having Payton for anything but I can't help but remember "the good old times" once in awhile. I think it's just part of the adjustment to this new phase of my life. I think I need to mourn a little to move on completely with peace. Does that sounds bad? I must admit to feeling a little guilt when I'm wishing for more sleep, or more time to myself. I just want to get this place organized and I can't seem to accomplish anything with a beautiful baby always wanting to be part of what I'm doing(anyone want to steal a baby for a couple of hours?? She's cute and very amusing!!). And I can't say no when all she wants is to play with me, one on one time with mom has also gotten more scarce recently and I want to make sure she gets enough mommy time. It's a balancing act that I haven't quite gotten the hang of, like a clown learning to juggle. I'm sure I'll get there but patience seems to be hard to come by lately!!

Anyways sat night was really nice as I already said. Misty took Payton right away and I was instructed to sit and relax. That felt really weird I kept asking if there was anything I could do, as there is always something I could be doing at home!! As I watched Misty interact with Payton as she fed and even bathed her I tried to imagine what the person growing inside her will be like. Boy or girl?? Laid back or feisty? As much as I want her to enjoy her pregnancy part of me just wants to meet this new person now!! A little later Phil was playing with Payton, it was too cute. She would take off away from him and he would stop her, she would squirm and complain until he put her down. Then with a mischievous look she would laugh, glance at him to make sure he was looking then take off again. Over and over this played out, I was howling with laughter. Again I thought of the growing baby. That is one lucky baby to have such wonderful people waiting for and loving it already. Yes a baby is a gift from God, but so are wonderful loving parents. Their lives are changing in ways they can't even comprehend, but in a beautiful, magical way. I have said a few times over the last year that all the excitement over a coming baby is like false advertising(obviously said during a hard time!!), that nobody prepares you for the reality. When the reality is you can't be fully prepared. But I don't feel that way anymore. I honestly am excited for them, for this journey they are on. It may not be what they expect but the rewards are so much greater. Payton is the best thing that has ever been given to me, besides grace!! The joys of motherhood far outweigh anything I have had to give up, it still amazes me that she is my daughter, she is so incredible!! All this joy over coming babies has helped me to find my daily joy again, helped remind me of my purpose and focus for right now. Raising my daughter, being thankful for my gift.

Thank you Lord for Payton, watch over her, help her to grow into a strong woman of the Lord!! And thank you for the gift that is growing inside Misty, help the baby to grow healthy and strong and help Misty to be happy and healthy throughout her pregnancy. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.


Shari said...

You are amazing Michelle!!! Love ya!!

Sue said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Miss-buggy said...

Amen. Thanks Chel. You are beautiful and I can see where your little girl gets it from. Even the "flirting" nature she did with Uncle Phil.
In all honesty, taking Payton and feeding her, bathing her, dressing her and then giving her a story gave me a dose of what your reality consists of right now. I felt over whelmed for those few moments trying to clean her up and the house. It was like God showed me where you are coming from. I got it. You totally amaze me. You do such an awesome job and Payton isn't going to remember how clean the house was or wasn't she is going to remember the special moments that you shared.
I love the look in your eyes when you say hi to our baby. Makes me giggle. I do miss the old times too but it is a reality that we are now facing. We are growing up. (Kinda sucks) but there are more adventures to come.
The play dates!! The toys and the phone calls that I will be giving you freaking out that the baby won't stop crying and I can't figure out why.
I love you. Thanks for the post it made me smile and think that there is a possibility that I will do something right. After all I have you as a wonderful example. I wouldn't trade any of you for the world. Love you tons and tons Aunty Chel!!!

Sue said...

Yeah I didn't delete the comment that was Misty messing up. We just got back from a pampered chef party. yummmy
Love you michelle, it is so much fun getting to know you and your baby. Won't it be fun to get to know Misty's too.