Is anybody still out there

Well, I've been having the desire to blog again. Haven't obviously but I think I will. The blog needs an overhaul though. Something new.

Wondering when the sunshine is going to come back.

Don't close your eyes

This is your life-Switchfoot

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

And you had everything to lose



Big thoughts coming your way soon.

I think I've decided

I've been wrestling with blogging. How much do I want to share? Does it defeat the purpose of an online community to go private? Who if anybody do I want to read because I can't be surface and superficial on my blog that's just not me. It's an outlet, somewhere to wrestle with myself, to hash out in words what's swirling through my head. And I've been feeling rather private about my journey this time, it's kept me from writing altogether.

I think for now I'm going to go private. I'm hoping that just knowing that those surrounding me are those that are caring and supportive in whatever manner they can will give me the freedom to write again.

I guess I will be turning off the feed to facebook as well.

Of course this decision is being made in the middle of the night cause I can't sleep again so we'll see how I feel after I hopefully get some sleep. Which I'm off to attempt once again.

Good night all.

And it begins. **Edited**

Edits: Added in Red, Taken in Blue

Well it's been 2 weeks since my last post. The start of 2008 has been hard on us. I've had 2 flu's and a cold since the new year. The girls both had the stomach flu and have a cold as well. Rod thus far has managed to only catch the cold, but his is worse than ours. Thankfully Rod was able to stay home a couple days when I was at my worst. I don't get sick very often so this has been an interesting start of the year for me. I wonder what the rest of 2008 will hold?

Between the Christmas craziness(including lots of new things) and being sick the state of our house has suffered. There is stuff everywhere, I can't even think in here anymore. So, as the title implies, THE EXODUS OF STUFF HAS BEGUN!!! I can't, just can't, concentrate on anything else until this house is tidy, clear of excess, and organized. I can't stand not being able to find things because they don't have a home. We have been thinking about moving, about finding a bigger space, and although I think eventually we will have to do that right now I need to concentrate on the space we have. I just know that if we move now that we will just take all our clutter with us and be able to fill up all the "extra" space right away. First things first, take care of the space we have. It turns out the landlords aren't selling the house anymore so we don't have that to worry about.

So to start off with, I have a few things to give away:

A disco ball(yes we have a full size disco ball)
A full set of China (it was given to me and I do like it but we never use it and want to use the room for stuff we use)
An electric hand mixer (we have 2)
A couple boxes of wine bottles for making wine(not refundable types)
A small Japanese rock garden(Taken), you know with sand, figurines, small rake. Although I'm not to sure how much sand is left because we have a small child who loves to "play" in it.
A Knife block with assorted knives(again we had 2)
A Wine chilling bucket, stainless steel
A Slurpee Thermos mug, because we all need to keep slurpees cold
A 4 cup glass measuring Cup, Fire-King(Anchor Hocking)
A white ceramic casserole dish, I have too many this size
Oversize Purple mug & saucer, really like it but never use it

So if anyone is interested let me know. Otherwise I think I'll donate it somewhere, I was thinking freecycle but I'm leary of having people come here to pick things up. Maybe I could just leave stuff upstairs on the front steps. Don't know.

There will be more to come, and I know it's going to be painful to let things g0(we are such pack rats) but it HAS to happen. So here's to getting rid of the cluttler in 2008. I read somewhere someone was trying to get rid of 2008 things from their house in 2008. I wonder if I could hit that? We'll find out.

A belated Christmas card! Or a Happy New Years card?

A belated Christmas card! Or a Happy New Years card?

Here's to another year

I've had so many thoughts racing through my head that I wanted to share about the end of this year and the coming of the next but as I sat to type I can't seem to form a sentence. One that says what I want to anyways.

I'm not one to form New Years resolutions but I have had some lifestyle changes I want to make in mind and now seems like as good of a time as any so I think I will write those down. They are more things that I would like to see happen in the next year that require some pro-activeness on my behalf than anything.

Yeah, I'm giving up on the writing for now. Happy New Years everyone!

Oh yeah, Rod and I have started a Photography Blog, there's really nothing there yet. But there will be. Check it out here.

Got this in an email today. Usually I roll my eyes at the forwards but I quite liked this one.




Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I

had cut back on nonessential obligations -- extensive card writing, endless

baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself

exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true

meaning of Christmas.

My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season

for a six-year-old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's

"Winter Pageant."

I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the

production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She

assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All

parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately,

Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise

So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found

a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several

other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students

were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat

cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.

Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday

as Christmas, I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial

entertainment - songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my

son's class rose to sing, "Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its

bold title.

Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens,

red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front

row-center stage -- held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of

the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold

up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child

holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."

The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small,

quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M" upside down totally

unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W."

The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one's

mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall,

proudly holding her "W." Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the

laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it

together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant,

we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the

first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities.

For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear:

C H R I S T W A S L O V E



And, I believe, He still is.

Amazed in His presence...

Humbled by His love.



May each of you have a Merry Christmas as you reflect on His amazing love for us.

Haven't been blogging much

I'm still around, just busy busy with the girls and Christmas preparation. Hopefully come the new year I will be more frequent with my posting. For lack of anything interesting coming from me here is a link to a wonderful post by DaMomma about Santa and Christmas Spirit. Really...it's worth a read!

Happy Birthday!

28years ago today the best husband and father in the world was born. I can't say enough about how blessed I am to have him in my life, I am so excited to get to spend the rest of life with him. I never tire of having him around. We love you!

Happy Birthday Rod!

The dark side of Christmas

Before I start I want to state that I LOVE Christmas!! I love the lights, the music, the decorations, everything really. It makes me happy. When I became a Christian Christmas became even more significant. I hope to pass on my enthusiasm onto my girls.

That said, Christmas has become very very stressful financially. We knew when we chose to have me stay home with the girls there would be sacrifices. We had debt to pay on top of regular monthly bills that were going to stretch us tight. And they have. Yes we were "helped" into debt in the beginning but somewhere along the way every "emergency" made it ok to dip into the available credit. I hate hate hate where we are financially, it makes me feel inadequate, like I can't take care of myself. I think though that I have to forgive myself for the past, let it go and quit beating up on myself. I send myself into overwhelm when I start the hate on myself.

It seems that even while we can be financially responsible during the year at Christmas everything seems to go out the window. I don't want to deprive my girls of anything. Really though what do you remember from Christmas? What is it that makes you all happy and warm around Christmas? I remember decorating the tree, going for a drive and looking at Christmas lights, decorating sugar cookies, making a gingerbread house, visiting, and feasting. Sure I remember the wonder at waking up Christmas morning to a full stocking and gifts under the tree, but it didn't have to be excess, and it wasn't what it was all about. I am not helping Payton learn about Christmas when I am stressed out and distracted. The damage has been done this year as far as the spending goes and truthfully I really enjoy the giving. The choosing, wrapping, and gifting. But I rarely feel like I can live up to expectations.

Next year, and onward we are not going to be doing expensive gifts, birthdays or Christmas. I am going to get creative with what we have and I'm sure our finances will thank me. For the next couple of years we are going to be playing serious catch up. I will not feel sorry for myself when we can't have or do something because sometimes this is what it feels like to take responsibility. I want to teach my girls responsible spending, living within your means. The only way to do that is to live by example.

I hope everyone out there is enjoying the Christmas season!

Our Church

New Heights updated it's website. It looks GREAT!! Check it out here.

I should have been cleaning.....

Instead I was doing this. WAY to much fun. I am still laughing.

Boring post about being tired. I know, the title could use some work.....

Well, one thing I've discovered is this self-discovery thing is hard when your tired. And I'm tired. I have realized some things about myself, important things that I hope will help me along the way. But my emotions and thoughts are so fleeting and scattered when I'm tired, I'm so useless. I'm rather surprised that I've functioned as well as I have, but really I have no choice. You do what you have to do as parents.

Is it wrong that this morning I had a fleeting wish not to be a parent? Just long enough to get a couple hours more sleep? I have got to figure out how to help Sam sleep better, for my sanity. We will all be better off with a well rested mama.

And I think the girls have the start of another cold. Sigh.

Oh well, no worries, the world will seem brighter after a cup of coffee and a shower. It always does.

Mind like a load of laundry

You know, waterlogged, spinning around in circles. I feel though that I'm almost done, coming into the spin cycle. When I emerge I'll be fresh, and clean. Maybe still in need of a dryer and iron, but at the very least a work in progress.

Hmmmm....think I got ahead of myself there. Let's start at the beginning shall we?

I've been doing a lot of reflecting lately, mostly inwardly but some outwardly as well because it's all connected. I've been feeling rather dis-jointed lately, and that's a trend in my life. I plod along rather well for awhile then I seem to loose my footing. I think it's rather common and everyone has their seasons yet I feel like I'm missing something, or missing out on something maybe? One thing that has been rather slow in coming to me is that there are important chunks of me missing. No I'm not missing limbs or digits(your welcome for the visual;) ) but there are internal parts of me missing, maybe unexplored is a better term. I have often struggled with self image and self worth. I think in reality I don't really "know" myself. I have gotten wrapped up in what I do instead of WHO I am.

The Christmas season is rapidly approaching, and this seems like a good time to explore me. God made me as I am, he sent his Son to save me. Me as I am, not me how I think or feel I should be. I have often felt I am not worth getting to know, that I'm boring or something equally demoralizing. But if I believe in God(as I do) then I have to accept that I was made without mistakes. I am perfectly as I am supposed to be. If God created me then I have to be worth getting to know.

So I want to surge forth into self-discovery. And I want to share my journey with you, well actually I don't want to but I feel like I should. Over the Christmas season I long to get to know God better, I want to draw close to him and let him show me all that I am, all that he created me to be. I want to thank him, and praise him for sending his Son to us, and celebrate with him that Birthday so long ago that brought us all Hope.

I call this photo fustration

This was at the Apple Barn. They had a flatbed truck set up with pumpkins for photgraphy purposes. I thouht GREAT we can get a shot of the 2 girls together, WRONG! Samara would have no part of sitting. So Rod thought hey we can get her standing in behind. Ha! Well that was fun too. I took many in hopes of getting ONE good one! LoL! I think all-in-all they are better viewed as a series. Happy Viewing.

Pachelbel Bedtime

LOVE THIS! All parents must watch!!

Making new friends

Halloween

I'm behind on blogging and posting pics. Been busy and contemplating. So I'm going to throw some Halloween pics up tonight, and later this week I'll get to some others I've been meaning to post. We had a good Halloween, the kids had a blast. Well Sam wasn't quite sure what was going on but enjoyed the ride anyways!

Our Pumpkins. Rod did the big one and I did the smaller two. Payton requested the wolf.

My mom wanted to see the girls in their costumes. So see drove out after work to see them then headed back home! That's lotsa driving!

All ready to go! Payton and Samara with friends Ethan and Lyndon.

My happy Froggy!

The spoils!