Papers needed

If anyone remembers could you please keep yesterdays paper(Mission/abby times with Paytons pic in it) for me. I have one copy but my Mom wants one and I could use a couple more for keepsakes!! Thanks!!!!!

Why am I still up??

So I should be happy, Payton seems to have started sleeping better. She's only been up once a night in the last three nights, which is fantastic. But I'm still exhausted, why??? you might ask, well, it is now I that is not sleeping well!!

What's with that?? I haven't been sleeping so I've been staying up late. It's like my body(or mind) has given up on sleep altogether. Somehow it just doesn't seem fair!! It's just not fair!! Stomp Stomp Stomp.

Ok I'm done with the tantrum, and I'm off to try to find this place they call sleep!!!

I almost forgot...

Payton is going to be in the local paper tomorrow!! The Mission/Abbotsford times is doing a babies of 2004 section and since I never did get around to doing a baby announcement I put her in this instead!! Don't ask why this makes me so excited because I'm not quite sure!!!

feeling sorry for myself

I could post countless reasons I am feeling sorry for myself today, and I planned on it but had a sudden change of heart. I wonder, where did this mood come from?? It hit me like a ton of bricks, we actually had a pretty good day and a really good night(she slept 7 hours straight for the first time!! I on the other hand woke up 4 times but hey, it's a start) It did take her an hour and 45 min to go to sleep tonight :( but this mood started before then. I am pure and simply pissy. There is no other word for it.

Oh well, I'm allowed to be pissy now and then for no obvious reason aren't I???

My own paparazzi

Who needs fame??? Who needs fortune??? I am loved, I am adored!!!

I have PAYTON!!!!

She watches my every move, I am closely monitored at all times, big beautiful eyes closely scrutinizing me and my life. I guess I should make sure I am living by example!!!

Howz everyone??

So I haven't been online much recently but I'm back I just spent an hour catching up on everyone's blogs and I still have much to read!! The writing bug has bit me again!!!

So we're doing well, over all nights are better than they were. The formula is definintely helping, usually we are up to feed her twice, sometimes once, occasionally three times. It's just bedtime and naptime we are working on now. Tonight is the third night in a row we have put her to bed and not gone back. I used to think this was incredibly cruel but the only thing Payton learnt from our going back in to reassure her was that if she cries hard enough or long enough, Mom or Dad WILL come. She's a smart little thing, I think babies are smarter than we give them credit for. So the first night she cried for 2 hours, yup she definitely has stamina!! Last night a measly hour(hehe), and today.....drumroll please..........35min!! So we are making progress, but I shouldn't say that, as I have previously stated I shouldn't get my hopes up!!

I should never....

I should never get my hopes up. Every time I think that Payton has decided that sleep is not so bad, she changes her mind. Maybe it's just to stir things up a little, maybe she was just storing away that extra sleep to give me a really rough time, I just don't know.

Sunday night's lack of sleep was my fault, we drove Rod to the Airport at an absurd hour. Last night she was so unsettled, up every 30-60min tossing and turning, and crying. Then to top it off I had an upset stomach. So I didn't get any sleep until 430 when I gave up and brought her to bed with me. Then she only had one nap today!! AHHHHHH. So put her to bed early because she is tired and she screams for an hour and a half before going to sleep, it makes me feel so bad!! I start to get overwhelmed again and think I just can't do this I'm not a good Mom, then I remember I am just overtired and tomorrow is another day. I just don't understand why my baby won't sleep!! I LOVE TO SLEEP. Hopefully when Rod gets home tomorrow she'll settle back into routine!!

Is it wrong to look forward to retirement at this point??

Welcome to Vancouver

At Vancouver airport, which I am becoming increasingly more familiar with, I saw something I found very humorous.

A vending machine in the arrivals section, not filled with candy or coffee, but umbrellas. What else could possibly better say "WELCOME TO VANCOUVER!!!"

Where do I start?

It has been a LOONNNGGGG time since I wrote, shame on me. Let's see...

Well, we had a wonderful Christmas, we were spoiled rotten. It was rather busy though because Everyone wanted to see Payton on her first Christmas. Next year I am going to have to limit the number of stops because it's just to hard on all of us. We didn't know if we were coming or going. Payton did really well until she got overtired which was not her fault. Her favorite things were the pretty wrapping paper and the lights.

Rod had the week after Christmas off, which was very nice. But also left me rather anit-social towards anyone else as I wanted to spend all of that week together. So I'm afraid I have friendships that have suffered over the Christmas season. I'm sure everybody understands....

We've started Payton on a little rice cereal, she's not all that impressed, she makes some rather funny faces. We also started feeding her formula at night. I was up every 2 hours or so with her and was getting sooooo exhausted. She was eating but not enough apparently. With formula usually we only have to feed her twice. Much more sleep friendly. Then she usually wake between630 and 730. I bring her to bed for her morning feed and usually she will go back to sleep for awhile. Generally I am feeling much more rested but Rod is not as he has been giving her the bottles. We were unsure if she would take them from me. Apparently she will so we are going to work out some sort of schedule.

Anyways I'm sure there's much more I want to say but I'm getting tired so I will continue sometime later...

Gratitude

There are many things I have been meaning to write about and somehow haven't got that far. I will get there I promise, but I learnt something yesterday that has me re-evaluating myself and my life with deep gratitude.

A friend I was close with in elementary and early high school and I have been connecting again lately, which is really nice. Just keeping in touch and planning on getting together(which hasn't happened yet). She was expecting, her due date was this week. I hadn't talked to her since November and was anxious to see how see was doing.

She lost the baby. I was in shock. She was in a car accident at the end of November and the baby took the main impact. A guy ran a red light and ended a life that hadn't even begun yet. It's awful horrible and heart breaking. I took it really hard, I guess after having Payton I feel attached to all babies?? Who knows but I am devastated, I was sobbing. The doctor told her that if she hadn't been pregnant her internal organs would have taken the impact and she probably would have died. I am struggling with the saying that everything happens for a reason and I know God has his reasons but it's so hard.... I am thankful that she knows the lord and is working at finding comfort with him...But it's so hard..What can I say for comfort?? I wouldn't want to be comforted if I were in her situation...

I realized that life is fragile and should not be taken for granted, be thankful for everyday and everyone. Even when my baby is screaming and crying and driving me insane. I am going to thank God that I have her, with deep gratitude