Gosh I hate this

My baby is sick. I hate that she can't tell me what's wrong. All I know is she's got a fever of 102 currently and we've been trying to cool her down. :(

Daylight savings time

What a bummer. My usually enthusiasm for "fall back" and the extra hour of sleep it usually entails is no longer. Once you have small children it is just something that causes you to be up an hour earlier(yes I know in "reality" it is actually the same time but that's besides the point). Payton figured it was time to be up at 6:30 this morning, I realize that her internal clock was indeed correct, but doesn't she take daylight saving into account??? I didn't think she's sleep in but I'm forever hopeful.....

From Captivating

UNSEEN, UNSOUGHT, AND UNCERTAIN

" I know I am not alone in this nagging sense of failing to measure up, a feeling of not being good enough as a woman. Every woman I've ever met feels it-something deeper than just the sense of failing at what she does. An underlying, gut feeling of failing at who she is. I am not enough, and, I am too much at the same time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not kind enough, not gracious enough, not disciplined enough. But too emotional, too needy, too sensitive, too strong, too opinionated, too messy. The result is Shame, the universal companion of women. It haunts us, nipping at our heals, feeding on our deepest fear that we will end up abandoned and alone.

After all, if we were better women-whatever that means-life wouldn't be so hard. Right? We wouldn't have so many struggles; there would be less sorrow in our hearts. Why is it so hard to create meaningful friendships and sustain them? Why do our days seem so unimportant, filled not with romance and adventure but with duties and demands? We feel unseen, even by those who are closest to us. We feel unsought-that no one has the passion or the courage to pursue us, to get past our messiness to find the woman deep inside. And we feel uncertain-uncertain what it even means to be a woman; uncertain what it truly means to be feminine; uncertain if we are or ever will be.

Aware of our deep failings, we pour contempt on our own hearts for wanting more. Oh, we long for intimacy and for adventure; we long to be the beauty of some great story. But the desires set down deep in out hearts seem like a luxury, granted only to those women who get their acts together. The message to the rest of us-whether from a driven culture or a driven church-is try harder."

From Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge

So tired

I wish I was one of those people who function well on small amounts of sleep. I seemed to do quite well for awhile, I guess survival mode kicked after having Payton. Not saying I wasn't exhausted but at the same time 4 hours in a row was a miracle, I felt refreshed. I hate complaining because I know others who are getting less sleep than me but oh my gosh, it's starting to get to me. I think it's worse because I know Payton CAN sleep through, she's done it before. She's been going through a very long poor sleeping spell again. She's had a cold and there always seems to be a new tooth on the way now so I can't blame her. I just hate it when I wake in the (early) morning to Payton crying and wanting to get up and I feel resentful. I can't stand myself when that happens. I love my daughter and wouldn't change having her for anything, it makes me feel like the worst mother in the world, being resentful of a one year old over sleep. Argh. I think I need to work on a what I'm thankful for list!!! And go to bed earlier!!

On this day "21" years ago.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAR FRIEND MANDY!!!

Hope you had a great birthday, your getting more beautiful every year!! Love you!!

One of those days

So today sucked. I woke up feeling yucky and that progressed into a migraine. I can't find my T3's so I took a couple gravol and some Tylenol in hopes that I would be able to sleep. It worked, I slept for hours and hours. By the time I regained consciousness my head was feeling bearable. Which is good but most of the day was gone. I have accomplished absolutely nothing. Today was my day to get stuff done around here, stuff that desperately needs doing. I think I am a bit of a control freak, when things are out of my control or just feel that way I feel so overwhelmed it's almost unbearable. I hope this week goes by smoothly so I can regain a semi-balance of control in my house. Yikes!!

Michelle needs......

1. Go to Google.
2. Type in "[your first name here] needs"
3. Search

Michelle needs:

- your help. -Ummm...Yeah!!
-to move on with someone else since Tony's no longer around. -Tony?
-to find out that it is her baby and take her home. -I'm missing a baby??
-a home that can accept her limitations. -Yes, my inability to function without chocolate.
-a family that can love her for the young person that she is. - Doesn't everyone?
-money so she can travel to Canada. -how about just money?
-work. - because what I do isn't work?
-to spend some of her newly acquired wealth on attending a USGA rules.- Wealth??
-to increase her income. -ok, make up your mind about the money thing
- more to compete with the big boys. -hmmmm....
What Michelle needs to do is win. - Yes, I do like winning
-a family that will be patient, consistent, kind, loving. -Love and money seem to be a theme
- to gain experience. - I'm working on it!!

Have I mentioned to anyone.....

That I'm going to Alberta for Christmas???!!!

Yup, my mom wanted to get everyone together for Christmas. It's been a long long time since we've had a Colton family Christmas. She's also worried about my grandparents, they're health isn't getting any better. So she bought us plane tickets. I might actually get a white Christmas!! I'm a very excited!! Although I am nervous about taking a busy toddler on a plane!! It defiantly gives Christmas another thing to look forward to!!

My mind is a scary place.

I keep losing things in it. You know idea's, things I'm supposed to remember, stuff, anything and everything that goes into it disappears. It's really starting to drive me insane.

I bought a birthday gift months ago, you know there was a sale and I thought I was being all on top of it, organized even. I know I know, those of you who know me well will laugh here. Anyways I clearly remember putting it somewhere safe so I could find it when the time comes. So, the time has come, and......I CAN'T FIND IT!! ARGH!! I have torn apart my already messy bedroom, it is now a certified disaster zone. Clean sweep anyone?? And looked in every other conceivable place, our place is small, there are only so many places it could be!! The good news is I'm sure I can use it in the future, I just want to use it now! (insert pout)

Chow for now, I'm going shopping.........

You are Schroeder!


Which Peanuts Character are You?
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"Yes, the climax of this story is right there where we realize that we live Him and that we mustn't reduce Him to a performance, a mere play to sit idly by and watch. No, we must push back the enemy of apathy and become Him as the lovers He created us to be, the very ones that accelerate goodness in this world by taking a hand in ours and by offering justice for the oppressed and dignity to the broken. And we'’ll wrap it all up in a package called simplicity.

So ultimately, if we trust the Rider when he says go, well, then, we can honestly rise above the mundane and the minutia and simply meet his gaze and say, so I go -– not past tense mind you, but a personal commitment in the form of an ongoing action verb, one of moving and loving and going with arms wide open."

This was an excerpt taken from a post on So I Go.

I found this very powerful. I have feeling dry lately. Almost spiritually dead. I find lately I have to remind myself to be thankful, to read my bible, even to pray. Which is scary because praying always came naturally, I just did it, sometimes with out even realizing I felt a need, stopped what I was doing and prayed. I'm in a slump. Nothing grabs me, nothing pulls me. I desperately need to find the restart button and try this all again. I'd seen So I Go's comments here and there and decided to check it out. It really gave me something to think about and ponder for today and I'm thankful for that. He really is an amazing writer, you should check it out.

Hmmm.....

Seems like all my Mondays are the same. I hate Mondays.

Yet another new game of tag....

The rules are as follows:

1. Go into your archive.
2. Find your 23rd post.
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

My 23rd post, 5th line is as follows:

"We didn't know if we were coming or going."

Hmmm....Yup, still applies!! hehe.

I tag, Misty, Sue, Mandy, Jenn, and Kaylyn. Have fun!!