So apparently I'm blogging again.

I've been doing a lot of thinking since all the drama started last week. I discovered many things. One of which is I hate drama. I've often said that my life is boring, and it usually is, but I'm not complaining. I like it that way. The everyday life, the routine, I know what to expect. I'm not big on change. I don't envy people who never get a rest, who are always surrounded by action and drama. The drama brings to me a sense of chaos, and all that does is stress me out.

Another thing I've discovered is I care what people think about me. Not to the point I would change anything about myself to make others happy, but that it really bothers me when people think bad things about me. I don't expect everyone to like me, I personally don't care for a lot of people, but that they think really horrible things about me upsets me. What's worse is when they believe me capable of doing mean things to others. That is so far from who I am that it really weighs on me. I know the person who did the accusing really believes she is right and I think that bothers me more than the actual accusation. I'm going to have to let that go and move on, not everything gets resolved. The friends and family who really know me, whom I really trust know the truth without question. I know I didn't do it, and God knows, and that's what really matters. I'm done with this topic now.

I've also discovered that I really like blogging. I missed it and was really upset that I didn't feel safe putting myself out there anymore. I thought about stopping altogether, about deleting my blog. I debated making my blog private so only approved people could view it. What I have decided is that I'm going to shake off the negativity that has been surrounding me about the blogging world and get back to normal. I don't want to let one bad experience ruin it all for me. I will call it a learning experience. I think I will change my settings to allow comments again although I think I will enable comment moderation for awhile. So your comments will have to be approved by me before they are posted.

I hope everyone has a good and safe Halloween!

Truman

I found a blog about a baby born at 23weeks gestation on Aug 8. He is now more than 2.5 months old and is doing great!! It's totally amazing!

It just really struck me today as I am 23weeks along as of yesterday!

This is Truman about a week after delivery!! Look how tiny!!


The website is here.

Hands

Hands (Christmas Version)

by Jewel


in the end only kindness matters
in the end
ah mmmmmmmmm ah

if I could tell the world just one thing
it would be that we're all okay
and not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I'll gather myself around my faith
for light does the darkness most fear

my hands are small, I know
but they're not yours,
they are my own
but they're not yours,
they are my own
and I am never broken

poverty stole your golden shoes
it didn't steal your laughter
and heartache came to visit me
but I knew it wasn't ever after
we will fight not out of spite
for someone must stand up for what's right

'cause where there's a man who has no voice
there ours shall go singing

my hands are small, I know
but they're not yours,
they are my own
but they're not yours,
they are my own
I am never broken

('cuz) in the end only kindness matters
in the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

my hands are small, I know
but they're not yours,
they are my own
but they're not yours,
they are my own

my hands are small, I know
but they're not yours,
they are my own
but they're not yours,
they are my own
and I am never broken
we are never broken

we are god's eyes
god's hands
god's hands
we are god's eyes
we are god's eyes
we are reflections of god
(god's hands)
we are reflections of god
(we are god's eyes)
we are reflections of god

I've been attacked.

I've been accused of leaving mean and hurtful comments on someones blog anonymously. And it wasn't a friendly accusation either. I know it shouldn't bother me as much as it does, I know I didn't and would never do that. And those who know me know I wouldn't do that either but it leaves me feeling hurt and angry. All I have ever been is supportive and friendly on any one's blog, I've done nothing to provoke an attack and yet here I am with a finger pointed at me.

I really hope the person whose blog it is doesn't believe me capable of that, even though I only know her through blogging.

I have disabled comments because I don't want any accusations starting here, I don't want to fight about it let alone a public fight about it. I think I'm going to step back from blogging for awhile, it just doesn't feel safe right now.

I know the truth. But it still hurts.

Just for fun.

1. What is your occupation? Proud Stay at home Mom. Or as Shari puts it "Domestic engineer, overseeing prototype research and development"
2. What color is your underwear? Black
3. What are you listening to right now? HAHA!! Christmas Music(Third Day)
4. What was the last thing you ate? A cookie(Halloween sugar cookie..mmm)
5. Do you wish on stars? Nope
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Just one? Um..My fav at the moment is teal or aqua with brown.
7. How is the weather right now? BLAH!!...
8. Last person you spoke to on the phone? My Mom
9. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Stole it from fellow bloggers, all of whom I like!
10. How old are you today? 27
11. Favorite drink? Milk, Latte's, or White wine(or a made by Liz chocolate martini!)
12. Favorite sport to watch? I'm not really a watch sports on T.V. person but I do like to go to football games.
13. Have you ever dyed your hair? Yes
14. Do you wear contacts or glasses? Yes(just not at the same time!)
16. Favorite food? Sushi, specifically Sashimi!!
17.What was the last movie you watched? HAHAHA Elf!!( I blame Andrew)
18. Favorite day of the year? Christmas Day
19. What do you do to vent anger? Cry, Isolate
20.What was your favorite toy as a child? My cabbage patch, mostly I played outdoors though.
21. Fall or Spring? Fall, My perfect day is clear, cool, crisp, with a slight breeze.
22. Hugs or kisses? Both!
23. Cherry or Blueberry? Cherry
24. Do you want your friends to answer this? If they want to
25. Who is most likely to respond? ???
26. Who is least likely to respond? Don't know
27. Living arrangements? Basement Suite
28. The last time you cried? Monday
29. What is on the floor of your closet? Question is what isn't? Sigh....
30. Who is the friend you have had the longest? Rod, Misty
31. What did you do last night? Sewed and Watched T.V.
32. Favorite smell? Vanilla, Rod's cologne
33. What inspires you? Jesus, my kid, Rod
34. What are you afraid of? Clowns, realistic looking dolls, puppets
35. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese & Spicy
36. Favorite car? Hmm....I like 70's corvettes with racing stripes
37. Favorite dog breed? Wouldn't say I had a Favorite.
38. Number of keys on your key ring? 4
39. How many years at your current job? 2 years 3 months
40. Favorite day of the week? Sunday
41. How many provinces have you lived in? 2
42. How many cities have you lived in? 3
43. Ever driven a Motorcycle or Heavy Machinery? Driven? No, been on? Yes.

For my Friend.

Happy Birthday Mandy!!!

Hope it's a good one!!

Update

Just thought I'd let everyone know that the Midwife finally called today. We were out so she left a message to let me know that everything came back normal on the ultrasound results, that everything looked good!!

Yeah for a healthy baby!!

Yup, definitely a Flu.

Rod woke up with it this morning.

Maybe

It is a flu? Payton was sick again this morning. Obviously her tummy is still upset. She didn't eat all that much yesterday but what she did stayed down. Seems to be keeping water down though.

So I'm on the puke watch again, making sure she gets enough fluids.

Sigh. This is not what I had in mind to do on my day off!!

Oh well, the joys of motherhood!

Today

We seem to be puke free at our house today! THANK GOODNESS!!

Now to just try to catch up on sleep and cleaning.....

Rod has some good quotes here.

I hate puke.

I hate feeling like I have to puke, I hate puking, I hate watching other people puke, and I've now learned what I hate the most is my kid puking.

It finally happened, Payton threw up................a lot. It hit all of a sudden just after 5 and as any of you with kids know, was not fun. She's sleeping now and there hasn't been any "activity" in over an hour and a half. The floor is washed, the bathroom is cleaned, the clothes and towels are in the dryer, I'm not sure what to do with the couch cushion cover so I am going to figure it out tomorrow and let myself try to sleep.

I think it must have been something she ate although I can't figure out what. She had no other symptoms and seems to be over the worst already so it doesn't strike me as a flu.

I'm exhausted. Going to bed.

Fall colours

Listen to me whine.

Payton is sleeping. No I'm not going to nap today although I'm sure I could. I ended up with a short nap yesterday, after only 30min I was awake. Still tired but awake. Then last night I had another restless night. I couldn't get to sleep, then when I finally did I just couldn't stay asleep, I was up 4-5 times. So when I got up this morning I felt frustrated and exhausted. I cancelled my plans for this morning because I just couldn't muster up the energy to get us ready to go. We played for awhile then went outside and played some more but that's all I could handle. I'm going to try to get some tidying done, and have a shower, and hope that if I don't nap maybe my sleep will be better.

Yeah it's Fri!! It looks like another busy weekend but at least Rod is home. I love weekends!!

My baby girl

I can't beleive you've gotten so big!! When did that happen?

Another Day

My Midwife was worried about me being tired already. She told me about a herb to help calm my mind before bed and asked me to take naps when I can and get as much rest as possible. So Payton is napping and I'm going to lay down for my prescribed nap. I'm torn though because my house is a mess, somehow having Rod home didn't mean I got anything extra done, I actually got less done!! My house really needs some TLC but the Midwife said that my rest right now is more important.

I also have a headache which I hope will die down if I rest and won't turn into a migraine.

I'm so excited to have a wiggly baby!! I need to come up with a name for the babe, it just can't be it or he/she anymore. I think I was holding out with nicknames this time until I knew the sex. Payton was Little one. And there are just to many beans and peanuts. Hmmmm....

Alrighty off to bed with me.

So...It's a......

Surprise!! Yup, she wouldn't tell us!! So your guess is as good as ours!! hehe. I'm not sure if she couldn't or just wouldn't tell. When we asked she made up about 3 excuses(it was to early, the baby was in a difficult position to see, and the baby had been so wiggly she couldn't get a good look) in a row then left quickly.

Oh well, I'm a little disappointed about that but not to bad. I just don't really like unisex clothes so I won't get to do to much shopping!! And I guess we'll have to pick out names for both, it was hard enough coming to a decision about 1 name last time!!

The good news is as far as I can tell everything looks good. Baby had a good strong heartbeat and was wiggling around so much that it was hard for her to get pictures and measurements. I figure that has to be a good sign. Well as far as it being healthy goes I guess but does that mean I'm going to have another very very active kid on my hands? Mind you Payton was never overly active during Ultrasounds or really really active period when I was pregnant. She was just very quick to tell you when she didn't like something!

I wasn't over impressed with the technician we got. Not only would she not tell us the gender but didn't say much of anything. I didn't leave feeling very reassured. I had to ask a lot of questions before she would give us info. I was really hoping to hear from her that everything looked good. I'm thinking it was just her personality to be quiet but I tell you her bedside manner could definitely use some improving!! The midwife said that if anything was wrong she(the technician) would have called in another technician to get a second opinion so she figures everything must be good. She is going to call me when they get the report to tell me what it says so I won't wonder for 4 weeks!!

Nerves

Ok, now I'm nervous. I so want everything to go well tomorrow. Girl or Boy?? Doesn't really matter, that's just bonus material. I've been feeling kicks and movement, I know that's a really good sign yet I still find myself thinking what if I'm imagining it? What if it's uterus twinges or something else? So silly I know there's just so many other things that could be wrong. I feel like my pregnancy innocence has been stripped from me, I can't seem to be just excited and happy, there's always worry there as well. I pray yes, but not only for the babies health but also that whatever happens it be God's will. What if it's God's will to take this baby too? ARGH!! I know how paranoid that sounds.

I can't wait to see my baby!! I really am excited!! Ultrasound appointment is at 1. I'm not supposed to pee after 11 mean while drinking liters of water. What kind of torture is that?

I don't know when I'll get to a computer put I'll update as soon as I can!!

It's Tuesday

******Sigh******

Last Chance!!

Well my gender poll went A.W.O.L . I do remember that 61% of you thought I was having a boy, 33% thought girl and 6% of you were unsure.

As my Ultrasound is in 2 days I thought I'd re-post the poll. So last chance for anyone to change their vote!

Anyone want some help deciding?? Well this pregnancy has been a lot like the one with Payton. Differences being I was actually sick at the beginning of this one(keep in mind it was twins then though), I am more tired now(in the middle) than I was with her, and I haven't had near as many cravings.

Here are some gender predictor stuff I've found online, what they say I'm having and whether it was correct with Payton.

Chinese gender chart

says Boy
was right with Payton

http://parenting.ivillage.com/ttc/ttcsigns/0,,j736,00.html
---------------------------------------------------
Another Chinese gender chart

Thought this one was different when I looked at it until I read you need your lunar age on this one which is about 2 years different, so I added the years and re looked and it was the same as the one above. They have a calculator to make things easier on you.

says Boy
was right with Payton

http://www.obfocus.com/calculators/gender.htm
-------------------------------------------------------
Heart Rate(don't believe this old wives tale at all but am including it anyways)

Has always been over 140 this time

over 140- girl
under 140-boy

Was right with Payton
---------------------------------------------------------
Dad's weight

gaining too-boy
not gaining-girl

Rod isn't gaining would say girl
Was wrong with Payton, he gained right along side me last time!!
-------------------------------------------------------------
Online quiz

gave me a 50% chance of having a boy or girl
Same when I plugged in my info for my pregnancy with Payton

http://pregnancy.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://www.childbirth.org/articles/boyorgirl.html
---------------------------------------------------------------
Different online quiz

73% chance of girl!!
Said 53% chance of Boy with Payton

http://www.amazingpregnancy.com/oldwivestales/
-----------------------------------------------------------------
How about Mothers intuition?

I was positive I was having a girl with Payton and was Correct.
I was positive I was having a boy with our last pregnancy which we lost.

This time I'm not sure. I keep waffling back and forth. If I was forced to guess I would probably say girl.

So well see!!

The things that excite me....

MY KID JUST POOPED ON THE POTTY!!!!!

She told me she had to go(and she was in a pull-up as we were just heading out) we sat on the potty and she pooped!! All on her own!!

I'm SO excited!!!

The Ones I Love The Most.

Payton my baby?? nope, toddler?? nope.....puppy???

My child has taken to running around panting and giving many many "puppy" kisses.

Have you been licked by your child this morning??

It finally happened......

She peed on her bear. Standing right in front of me looks down, a stream is landing squarely on poor bear. She just keeps going until I say "STOP!! Your peeing on bear!!" So she finishes peeing on the potty while I'm using bear to clean the rest of the floor.

And now she's upset that bear is having a bath. Poor poor bear!!

How about this one?

I think I see more similarities in this one??

What do you think?

I must not look like any celebrities because I don't think I really look a lot like any of the ones it gave me. What do you think? Maybe I'll try with a different picture. It's fun though!

MyHeritage - family trees and photo albums" target="_blank">

Don't Forget!!

Season premiere of LOST is on tonight!!

I'm very excited!!!

Me and my babe.

I change my mind

Ok, it just might be a little late for that but I still have to say...

WHY WOULD ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND HAVE 2 KIDS!!!

Alright we will chalk 2 up to ignorance. But then why do people have more than 2?? WHY WHY WHY WHY?????

I have Matthew today. Can you tell how it's gone??????


CRAP!! he's up again.....

*****Sigh*****

Edited to add that he's not the only problem, I think they have combined forces to see who can make me cry first......

Title, I can't think of a title.....

I can't believe it's Monday already. Where does the weekend go?

Friday I just relaxed with my hubby until I got a call to go on a late night coffee adventure. Sounds exciting doesn't it? Hehe...I was just happy to be able to be there.

Sat we cleaned house, no fun but necessary. Payton had a birthday party then friends we hadn't seen for a long time came over and we had a great visit, so much fun. We pulled out the game cube wiped the dust off it and played. We girls kicked some cockiness out of those smug boys, it was too fun.

Sun after church we went to visit Rod's Dad and Step Mom as they had just gotten back from their vacation. They were in London, Scotland, and Ireland, for a month. They had a good time but were glad to be home. We had a good visit, I love watching Payton interact with them. I am so thankful Payton has such awesome Grandparents.

Today I was so stinking tired. I've been tired again lately. Last night I couldn't sleep, I was so restless. And when I finally did sleep Payton was up as she had a restless night as well. ****Sigh**** We went for coffee this morning but between my fatigue and Payton's crankiness I don't think we were very good company! We'll have to try that again soon! Hopefully tonight is better.

Grrrrrr.....

It's 6:15, we went to bed very very late because we had company, Payton is still sleeping, and I am awake. Why?

Giggle giggle THUMP laugh laugh giggle giggle THUMP

Above my head ALL the kids upstairs are up and dog piling onto their parents bed.

I went upstaires and sqwinted at her sleepily informing her that it was really loud. I hope I wasn't to big of a cow.

I am SO annoyed.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............