I Never.....

I found someone who had done this when I was blog surfing today, looked like fun

1. I never had a sibling until I got married
2. I've never snowboarded
3. I've never been to a drive in theatre
4. I've never broken a bone
5. I've never lived on my own
6. I've never been skydiving(and never plan to)
7. I've never owned matching furniture.
8. I never purchased any of my furniture new
9. I've never died my hair black
10. I've never had surgery
11. I've never liked speaking in public
12. I've never streaked
13. I've never had a c-section
14. I've never liked white chocolate
15. I've never watched The Passion of the Christ(even though we own it)
16. I've never been organized
17. I've never been able to sing(well)
18. I've never owned leather pants
19. I've never read Moby Dick
20. I've never made cookies without eating batter
21. I've never played ice hockey
22. I've never lived in an apartment
23. I've never driven a truck
24. I've never liked nuts or raisins in baking
25. I've never been the shortest one in my class
26. I never liked The Dark Crystal
27. I've never watched The Apprentice
28. I've never NOT liked reading
29. I've never worn my mom's shoes
30. I've never been on a missions trip(although I plan to, some day)
31. I never got rid of my Barbies and Cabbage Patch dolls
32. I've never gotten a speeding ticket
33. I've never liked banana's
34. I've never been on a cruiseship
35. I've never gone away to school
36. I've never got less than a c+ in school
37. I've never made pie
38. I've never changed a tire
39. I've never been to a chiropractor
40. I've never used a weedeater
41. I've never been to the East Coast
42. I've never been to the dump
43. I've never been unconscious(besides sleeping)
44. I've never been broken-up with
45. I've never been fired
46. I've never loved anyone like I love my daughter, husband and God
47. I've never been able to roll my tongue
48. I've never liked clowns or puppets
49. I've never been in a physical fight
50. I never thought this list would end...

That was a lot harder than I thought.....

Psalm 139 7-12

"Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me", even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

This is part of a passage a friend sent me this week. It really spoke to me as I was fighting the urge to flee and hide. I figured there are many of us that can use the reminder that there is nowhere to go, nowhere that we can hide from God, we are only fooling ourselves!!

Coincidences

I don't believe in them. So tell me, what do you think of this.....

Wed and thurs I was going through some major inner turmoil, when I was a teenager and feeling down I would listen to Hurt(by nine inch nails of course). I wasn't surprised when the words started echoing endlessly through my head wed night. I had the words all ready to post on Fri but I posted My conversation with God first. After that I wasn't feeling as down and decided not to post the words for fear of really freaking people out about my state of mind. Imagine my surprise when I show up to Church and they sing Hurt, the exact thing that was on my brain this week. Weird?.......Definitely but what if anything does it mean???

Bambi

Yes I know Bambi is coming out on DVD, but I'm hesitating on buying it. Rod has been laughing at me, I'll give you one guess why. Bambi always makes me cry, yup the scene where his Mother dies. How is that a show for kids????

There was baby fellowship at church today

Family Photo

My conversation with God

I woke yesterday feeling exhausted and vulnerable. Trying so hard to ignore what was going on inside. I've lived with it this long, what's a few more days/months/years. I went out to "clear my head" only to find that it would have opposite of the desired effect. Once I had my head on straight again(by my reasoning),with everything shoved back down and hidden away again. Where I like it. I found a voice in my head, one that had been quietly waiting for me to listen. I guess God was getting tired of being ignored and turned the volume up a notch(or 10). Much to my annoyance he was not to be ignored or silenced. I had to go pick up Rod yesterday from work. Our car has been experiencing some technical difficulties lately so I was worried about the longer drive. Well we over heated twice on the way. Forcing me to stop and wait for the engine to cool down, Payton was sleeping in the backseat so I couldn't even get out of the car. Much to my chagrin this left me alone with my thoughts. As much as I'm still fighting, at least he's getting through now.......my conversation went something like this:

God: "Why do you carry such a burden?"

Me: "I don't consider it a burden, it's just part of me now"

God: "Can I carry some of it for you?"

Me: "Then it wouldn't be mine anymore"

God: "What's wrong with that?"

Me: "It's like giving up, admitting defeat"

God: "Because you couldn't handle it on your own?"

Me: "Yup"

God: "You aren't ment to handle this or any burden on your own, that's why I'm here, that's why I've put good people around you. To support you, help you, give you someone to lean on."

Me: "But I'll lose some of me"

God: "No, the burden will let lighter and lighter until it's no longer a burden but a joy, still there, just different."

Me: "I kinda like it here, close to me, always near."

God: "It's the love you should keep near, not the hurt"

Me: "What if I forget?"

God: "You will be more free to remember when you let go of the pain."

Me: "There's just so much, if I start to think about it I get overwhelmed"

God: "One step at a time"

Me: "It's like a floodgate has been opened and I can't swim"

God: "But I can"

Me: "It's just to much, it feels like everything just happened, I'll land myself where I did last time. I don't know if I'll have the strength to pull out again."

God: "I am here, get your strength through me. There are many around you who care, strength comes in numbers not in solitude."

Me: "I feel alone."

God: "Open your eyes."

Me: "I am angry."

God: "I know."

Me: "I can't."

God: "No more excuses."

Today

Pounding headache, emotionally and physically drained, brain freeze......numb.

Today sucked(there was a brief visit with a friend that kept today from being a total loss).

There was so much I was going to write but I can't seem to get my brain wrapped around the words. hmmmmmmm.........to be continued

Mom and Payton playing outside

Payton out in the sunshine

Hurt

I stepped out of my comfort zone tonight, unknowingly. It's a good thing I had no idea what I was getting myself into or I probably would have come up with some excuse as to why I had to stay home, I'm good at that. There were moments where it was all I could do to stay seated when all I wanted to do was run, where I don't know, just away. Old wounds that had never fully healed were ripped open and left to bleed. I know this is where you want me God, but why oh why does it have to hurt so much?

Aunty Misty and Payton having a nap

I found a very cool website

You can find out the popularity of a name over time on a graph. Just type in the name and it pops up, it's really fun!! You can see names that were popular in 1900-2003, and how it changes. It also gives you the rank of the 1000 top names.

Unfortunatly it's U.S. statistics but it still gives you a good idea of our name trends.

Click here to try it.

I had real grown up time!!

Twice this past weekend I was babyless, I know, I was excited too. Friday night Rod and I went to Sarah and Greg's wedding. It was really nice and I even got to dance with my husband!! Misty stayed with Payton(thank you thank you thank you) and Payton even went to bed easily for Misty. Sat I went out with a couple of friends, we had dinner at the Keg. It was SOOOOO good, and I got to eat my meal hot!!! Imagine that, it tastes so much better, I had forgotten!!

Shameless advertising

I am having a Pampered Chef party for a friend of mine who just started selling. If you've never heard of it, it's pretty neat kitchen stuff. I just wanted to invite all our new heights bloggers to come. No pressure to buy, just come check it out and have a visit. It's March 13 at 1:30 at my place. There will be food......

My poor foot

I have a sliver embedded in the bottom of my foot, it sucks. I noticed it in the middle of the night last night. Rod tried to get it out but it's deep and I was unwilling to let him use a razor blade(gee, wonder why?). It strikes me as funny that I can deliver a baby without to much complaint but try to get a sliver out of my foot and I'm a whiny complaining mess!!! I'm going to soak it and try again, I'm such a wimp!!

Too Funny

Rod saw a license plate today that he had to tell me about, I cracked up.

The plate said BABA.

It was on a black jeep.

Get it?? Someone was using their brain!!

I just had to share a picture of Payton with the monkey her Dad got her for christmas.

Is it just me??

Does anyone feel like sometimes they arn't in control of their own brain?? Like they are sometimes taken over by aliens or maybe have a split personality. I feel like there is two of me sharing this body, Michelle, the real me, and my evil twin, who looks just like me but thinks very differently.

Most of the time I'm fine, better than fine, I'm doing really well. Enjoying being a Mom and Wife, spending time with family, friends and the Lord. I feel pretty good about myself, of course there are areas that could use improvement but I'm working on it.

Then she shows up out of the blue, telling me how horrible I am. Your a bad wife, a bad mother, and a bad friend. You can't even keep your house neat, your so lazy. You need to loose weight, look how horrible you look. She hates everything about me, how I dress, how I walk, how I talk, everything. Sometimes she points out other people to make me jealous. Look at her, she looks so good, don't you wish you could look like that. Look at him, his relationship with God is so strong, yours sucks in comparison, look at her, her kids are so well behaved, yours will never be like that. Look at her, her house is so clean you could eat off the floor, when's that last time you washed yours?? ECT ECT ECT.

SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! I used to think she was just part of life, she would come a go as she pleased, there was nothing I could do about it. Now I know the truth, I can throw her out!!! I HAVE THE POWER!! Sometimes a gentle nudge will send her flying, sometimes I have to shove her out the door and sometimes I have to get down right nasty before she'll pick up her garbage and leave.

As you can probably tell she visited me this morning, and I kicked her @ss right out the door. I feel wonderful!!

I, Michelle, am strong in the Lord, and in other ways as well!!

We survived

Yes, she cried, but within minutes she was back smiling and laughing at the health nurse. I think the whole process was harder on me than on her!!!1