Ok, lets try this again....

This post "disappeared" when I tried to post it. I hate that!! So here I go again!!

I wrote a blog this morning about all the things I've been worrying about lately. Blah Blah Blah. I've been letting myself get stressed out again. So I turned to my bible and am going to share what I found.


"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."
JEREMIAH 17:7-8

"Unless the LORD had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping," your love, O LORD, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul."
PSALM 94:17-19

"Jesus asked the boy's father, "How long has he been like this?"

"From childhood," he answered. "It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us."

" 'If you can'?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes."

Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
MARK 9:21-24

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
PHILIPPIANS 4:6-7


"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 PETER 5:7

Bad dreams

I had a dream last week that I can't get out of my head. I can explain it logically but my emotions are still very raw. I dreamt Payton had cancer. She was older, how much older I don't remember but she had been to Thailand so I'm guessing in her teens. She had undergone treatment after treatment and was getting sicker and sicker, nothing was working. The last thing I remember was holding her and crying together, she wanted to stop the treatments. She wanted to go live her final days with dignity in Thailand. That was her final wish, for her family to go with her and stay until the end. "I'm not afraid mom, I know I'm going to heaven and will see you there, but I need you to let me go". I can remember my mind racing and the enormous feeling of pain and loss. It still haunts me, I'm crying as I'm writing.

At that exact moment I woke up, Payton in real life was crying from her crib. It was like she knew I needed her. I went and held her close still crying and prayed over her. She cuddled in and indulged my need just to hold her. The rational part of me knows exactly where this dream came from, a friend from high school's dad is very sick with cancer, the last blogs I read before going to bed where Mitch's and Jill's about Thailand, and also I have had to say good bye before. My sleeping mind just put everything together in a very scary and very real way.

Normally I wouldn't let it bother me, my dreams have always been random and unexplainable. Until I got pregnant, I had a few very specific dreams while I was pregnant, some of which came true, some of which I'm still waiting to see the outcomes. I'll tell you about one in particular that freaked me out. I had an appointment to meet my midwives in a few weeks, I had never seen them and didn't know anybody that knew them, all I knew about them was their first names. In my dream I went into the clinic and met one first, she was older, tiny, and had long grey hair, then I met the other, she was middle aged with short black hair. There was more details that I don't remember now. Anyways I didn't think much of it when I woke. When I arrived at the clinic for my appointment I was amazed at how similar it was to my dream but wasn't really freaked out yet because many clinics look the same. When I met Denise I took a double take, she was exactly as I had seen in my dream, older, tiny and had long grey hair. Still I thought I could have just associated a midwife with the older grey haired mother/grandma figure. A little weird but not completely odd. It wasn't until I met Sylvia and she was exactly like my dream as well that I got a little freaked out.

So now dreams kind off freak me out. Mostly they've been back to my regular odd dreams nothing of any substance, until this one. And no I'm not pregnant in case you were wondering, still I can't help the feeling of dread, the what if? from worrying me. Now that I have had dreams come true, what if this one does?? I know it is unlikely and shouldn't worry myself, but lately I've been haunted.

I need to be thankful...

I'm thankful I've never known what it really means to be hungry.

I'm thankful that I'm healthy enough to notice when I have a cold.

I'm thankful that tonight I'm able to climb into a nice warm bed and not have to worry about a hurricane.

The simple things

Life's all about simple things right now. I'm striving to be thankful for something everyday, to see God in my daily life. Extraordinary God moments are phenomenal but they aren't what's going to keep me going on a daily basis. Yesterday, among other things, I was thankful for friends and being able to spend time catching up after way to long.

This morning I am especially thankful for:

-My husband who works extra hours to support Payton and I
-Friends who got home safe and sound from a restful vacation
-A baby girl who loves her Mama so much
-A warm cup of coffee with cream

I guess she took my advice....

Today I noticed Payton pulling at her mouth again and figured she must be working on her other top tooth. It's a fight to check as she doesn't like you poking around in her mouth and I can't blame her if it's sore. So after a short struggle I find not one, not two, but three new teeth just barely cutting through the gums!!! OUCH!!! So she's gone from having 2 teeth to 6 teeth in a week!!! Busy girl!!!

We sang a song in church today, well we sang many songs in church today but one struck me in particular. Amazing love. I love that song, have since the first time I heard it but today somehow I heard it differently, it's hard to explain. The line "it's my joy to honour you, in all I do, I honour you" really struck me. I really want to honour God in everything. I want my life to scream of my faith. I don't think it does and that stings. I need to remember that I'm not living my life for myself, I'm living it for God. Everything I think, everything I do needs to reflect that. We allow day to day life to get in the way of the joy we should feel everyday by living for God. I long to be where God wants me to be, close to him but I find myself floundering more often than not. I guess it's a constant longing for a more personal and obediant relationship with our Father. I'm just glad I've been given the gift of moments of clarity, so I can see what I'm striving for. I hope I never give up.

Amazing Love.

I'm forgiven, because you were forsaken
I'’m accepted, you were condemned
I'm alive and well, you'’re spirit is within me
Because you died and rose again


Amazing love, how can it be
that you my king would die for me
Amazing love, I know it'’s true
now it'’s my joy to honor you
Amazing love, carry me
My king would die for me
Amazing love, I know it'Â’s true
It'’s my joy to honor you
in all I do, I honor you...

You are my king...

It's about time!!

We finally after all these years called our wedding photographer about finishing our package or buying the negatives. They called back today and said they would sell us the negatives for $100. YEAH!! I'm finally going to get to make my wedding album!! And give pictures to family and friends who have been bugging us!! I'm SO excited, which I'm usually not about pictures but my wedding day I felt the most beautiful I have ever felt in my life, and I feel the pictures show it. YEAH!!

Our wedding, Sept 1, 2001. These aren't great quality they are just a couple of our proofs scanned.

Another wedding photo.

I think I might be in trouble...

I have noticed a theme in some of Paytons favorite things.

1. Shoes
2. Phones, any phones
3. Bags/purses

I put treehouse on tv for her so I could drink my coffee and check out the blogs, she decided that wasn't what she wanted to watch and was playing with the buttons. A few minutes later I noticed that the tv had been on one channel for awhile so I glanced over, she was sitting on her couch watching intensely. Guess what she was finding so interesting??? THE SHOPPING CHANNEL!!!!! Oh dear......

After much pain and agony.....

Yes, FINALLY, we have tooth number 3!!!!! (Insert clapping and enthusiastic congratulations here!!)

A little chaos in the morning

I had a bad nights sleep last night. I'll post about that later. It left me feeling groggy and sleep deprived which was a great start!!. The alarm goes off, which is another thing I've got to get used to again, alarm clocks, nasty things!! I get up, get Holly up and dressed. I am just about to do her hair when the phone rings. It's Shelley due to circumstances I'm not going to get into, she isn't going to make it to take Holly for breakfast and then to school. Ok, no prob, I can take her to school. Oh, Payton's up, and grumpy she is. "I can't carry you around this morning grumpy Gus". Ok, breakfast I can't send a kid to school without breakfast. Toast in. Lunch!! Oh shoot!! What can I send for lunch?? Dig around in the fridge, find enough supplies for a good sandwich and snack, phew!! Meanwhile toast burns!! AHHH.... Holly informs me Payton needs a change....badly!! Put new bread in the toaster, watch it like a hawk. Perfect!! Breakfast is on. Go to change Payton, discover she's leaked through and needs new clothes as well. Clean bum, clean clothes, check! Payton is following me around whining..... Ok, what else? Brush my hair and teeth. Remember I actually never got to Holly's hair. Do Holly's hair. Holly's jacket is in her mom's truck. Dig out a sweater of mine. Her lunch kit is also in the truck...hmmmm Check time.. OH MY GOSH!! We have got to leave NOW! Holly has to pee...quick...go!! Remember Payton hasn't eaten, grab cookies. Shoes on, Payton in arm, keys in the door, "Holly where are your shoes???" Upstairs!!! GO QUICK!! Run up to the van get Payton buckled, get Holly loaded. Drive quickly, but not to quickly!! Get stuck behind a school bus and go through 10 school zones. Arrive at the school at 8:28, first bell has already gone, final bell at 8:30. See Holly run in sweater 10 sizes to big with a plastic bag lunch......phew

Payton is now fed and napping, I'm going back to bed......

and another!

Your Icecream Flavour is...Chocolate!

You are the all time favorite, chocolate! Turning white kids black since the 1800s. Staining carpets, car seats, and bed sheets for centuries. One thing is for sure, you will never go out of style. You can't go wrong with chocolate!

What is your Icecream Flavour?

Find out at Go Quiz

Yet another.....

LOOK OUT! ���

Michelle McLatchy is a radioactive squirrel!!

Username:

From Go-Quiz.com

It has been awhile since I've posted a Payton pic, so I thought I would. This was taken on our vacation when we were at Paytons Great Grandpa's in High Prairie, Alberta. It's one of my favorites from the trip!!

%$#$%@*())_($(*&^#%

My camera won't turn on!! I'm SO upset. I wanted to take a pic of Payton, but the camera won't turn on, no light, no anything. So I charge the batteries figured they're dead. Try again, nope....nothing!! What am I going to do without my camera????? ((((SOB))))

I know it's just a "thing", but to be honest it is one of my only "things" I care about. DARN IT!! Rod says it might be the switch, I hope so because we cannot afford a new camera!!!

*&!#@$^*!!$^%$^@&*!!!!

I am a brown Kangaroo....????

BROWN You are usually very straight-forward. You have a passive personality and enjoy nurturing those around you. You are very grounded and prefer to keep things simple and honest. Find out your color at Quiz Me!

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

Big thanks to Misty and Sue!!

Today I got to go on a date!! YAH!! Thanks so much to Misty and Sue(and family) who watched Payton so Rod and I could sneak out for a few hours to celebrate our Anniversary. Yes it's been 4 years already!! I think Payton tired them out! She is rather busy!! She was SO tired she feel asleep on the way home. We fed her, let her play for about 5min and put her to bed. I haven't heard a peep!!

We went to the Olive Garden in Langley. It was SO good. They have non stop soup and salad. And the soup(Zuppa Toscana) is the reason we go. YUM!! Then we went to a movie. The first one in well over a year!! We saw 40 year old virgin. It was actually really funny. Warning: It has a lot of swearing and crude language. But if you don't mind that it was full of laughs!!

I think we should do it again before a year is up! Does anyone know a good babysitter?? I have no idea about who babysits and what the going rate is. I guess I should get it figured out. It's just that I have never left Payton with anyone who wasn't family or close friend before. And the amount of times could be counted on fingers.....I guess I've been a little nervous!! It'll have to happen sometime....

Another test!!

What Famous Leader Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

I think I should see this movie....

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Expectations

I think I have finally figured it out. My issues aren't with life, rather with my expectations of life. And I think that's an all encompassing statement. My expectations are too high, expectations of myself, my life, my husband, my kid, even God. When your expectations are that high it's much to easy to get disappointed and disillusioned. So how does one go about lowering expectations???