Motivation

Where did all my motivation go? Is it hiding? I don't know, all I know is I can't find it. I feel no motivation what-so-ever to do....anything really. I've got my list all made, things to do, but as I look around I just can't find the motivation to get started. Call me lazy if you want it just seems like I see ten things the need doing, I immediately get fustrated and overwhelmed then nothing gets done. Then once I start something, part way though I find something else that needs doing so I start that, then part way through that I find something else that needs doing and I start that ect ect ect. Then when I look around it looks like I've done nothing and get fustrated all over again...... I get so mad at myself. Why can't I just see what needs doing and do it?? There is four days till we head out and ten million things to do, you'd think that leaving for vacation would be motivation enough but apparently it isn't. ARGH!!

Maybe my problem is looking at everything, I'll just choose one thing at a time and finish it. My goal today is....EVERYTHING...AHHHHHHHHHH....

Odds & ends

Decided to finish our taxes today, well sort off. 2003 taxes, we were pretty sure we would not owe and maybe even get something back. So I dug out all the pieces hoping for a refund to help us out in the finance department. Well when I finished I starred at the screen in disbelief, Rod owes....A lot. CRAP!! He was working 3 jobs in 2003, when you put them all together he wasn't paying enough taxes. CRAP. Have I said CRAP. I am so disheartened, seems like we will never get ahead. I know that I shouldn't worry because God will take care of us, it would just be nice to not owe anybody anything for a change.

Good news for all those out there that love slurpees but don't want to have all that sugar. 711 has a crystal light slurpee now, no sugar!! I had one tonight, it's pretty good!! I'm excited!!

Rod hurt his finger at work the other day and hasn't been able to wear his wedding ring. He is wearing it though, around his neck you ask? Yes, but no not around a chain, only my computer nerd husband would wear his ring around his jumpdrive(usb memory stick), yes folks, my husbands wedding ring is around computer stuff, AND he is wearing that computer stuff around his neck. I laughed so hard, when he asked me why I was laughing I looked lovingly in his eyes and said "have I told you lately....what a geek you are?" I fell in love with a computer geek, who would have thought?? LOL

Money.....uck.......

Well, looking over the finances has made me realize I need to start planning for the end of July when my maternity will be over. I do not want to go back to work, I feel my family right now is priority. That being said I have realized that I will need to be bringing in some income. What I would like to do is childcare, nothing big as I don't have the "official" training or certification. Just one or two kids(preferably full time, but really I could use anything), in my home. If anyone knows of anybody looking for childcare or hears of anyone, could you let them or me know please!! Thanks!!

Hmmm....I guess I could work evenings and weekends if I had to. I would still get all my time with Payton then, I just wouldn't seen Rod much but it wouldn't be forever.

Stupid A/C

So the Air conditioning on the van doesn't work. And I have come to realize that it's one of the expensive parts to fix. If it were just me I would probably complain a lot but suffer through summer without it, but Payton gets so hot and miserable. So I am debating, is it worth it? Right at this moment I'm indecisive, when it was 30deg+ out there was no hesitation. I hate decisions.

Oh, I forgot to mention the trip to Alberta we are leaving for next weekend, 12 hours one way.

Stupid A/C.

8:00: After careful examination of our finances we have decided there really is no choice to be
made. We just don't make the extra money.

Stupid money.

I'm doing it again

I'm letting my self worth be tied up in how well I run my household. When I was younger and much more naive, I had visions of what it would be like when I had a family. I would stay home with the kids, who were always well behaved. My house would always be spotless because really what else do I have to do? Dinner would be on the table for when my husband got home, so we could have a family dinner. And somewhere in there I still had time to play with the kids, and have ample time for me. Add in there something about saving the world and looking like a supermodel and you have summed up my life's ambitions 10 or so years ago.

Since then I've had several healthy doses of reality, I realize that life just harder than I thought. I know that I'm not a failure because my house is never spotless and I rarely have dinner ready when Rod gets home but I also can't help thinking that with Payton being 10 months old that I should have this a little more figured out by now. How come some days I still can't manage to get a load of laundry done?? I have one small child, what's going to become of me when we have another??

I am so thankful that God is 100% pleased with me, I don't have to live up to any expectations for him. Now if I could just let myself off the hook.....

ARGH!!

Tired, hot, fustrated at stepping over stuff, overwhelmed by the mess, stressed at the need to fix the airconditioning in the van, mad at the cat for waking up the baby, hungry, craving sugar...... ARGH!!!!!

Guess that whole "I'm ok with my mess" thing didn't last to long, ((((Sigh))))

Bragging again!

Payton started clapping yesterday!! She's so much fun!!

Well my nice neat house is a mess again. Actually the truth is our house was never completely neat. Our bedroom had become a catch all, there were many unpacked boxes and other stuff that had found it's way there when we didn't want to deal with it. Our dresser had never become organized so our clean clothes sat in piles around the room. It was my dirty little secret. Well it finally drove me nuts and Rod and I gutted the room on Mon. The only problem was we didn't have enough time to finish. So the bedroom is pretty neat, the living area now isn't. I refuse to put anything back in the bedroom to be dealt with later because I know what will happen. So it sits in my living area until I find a home for it. I figure it'll get done faster this way, as I can work at it during the day. When I can of course, generally Payton isn't all that keen on letting me be productive during the day.

The amazing thing is it isn't driving me crazy, I'm(for the time being anyhow) not feeling like a failure because my house is a mess. I don't care. Mind you if someone was to show up unannounced it might be a different story, but as of right now It's not bothering me, and I'm rather proud of myself. Just don't come over, LOL!!

Payton and her friend Zada from our trip to Vernon.

Searching for inspiration

Hmmm....I haven't blogged in a few days, not unheard of, but unusual. I just have had no desire to write, nothing what-so-ever to say. It's almost scary.

O.K....let's see.....Payton pulled herself completely up to standing today. She makes it up to knees frequently, and I've seen one foot and one knee before, but this is the first time she made it all the way up. You should have seen the grin on her face, she was very proud of herself!! We are pretty sure she started saying Monkey today. That would be her third word, that we are sure off anyways. Hi was first, then Mama, now monkey. Others that I have heard but am unsure if she said them on purpose are: up, kitty, hug, and of course Dada.

Yup, that's all I've got in me, maybe I'll post a pic.

Does anyone else find it humerous that blogger is not in bloggers dictionary?

You know, you try so hard to treat people with respect, to see Jesus in everyone. To be kind, considerate, loving, and tolerant. Then when people treat you or people you care about poorly you just want to throw your hands in the air and give up. I don't want to care and love people who treat others like crap. Where do you draw the line?? What is Grace and what is getting walked all over?? I get so tired of being kind and patient, I just want to yell and throw things sometimes. Be the self righteous, fly in your face bag that has no consideration for others feelings. GRRRRRR.....

Remind me please why I care??

Tagged

O.K. Last week I was tagged, meaning "I'm it!!" so now according to rules I have to share my ten favorite things. Then tag four others. I've finally finished, so here they are in no particular order....

My 10 favorite things

1. Rod: I love my husband, I love being married. It's fantastic and he is amazing!!

2. Payton: I feel blessed to be Paytons mom. She gives meaning to my life, being a mom is such a joy.

3. God: What would I do without him?

4. My Church: New Heights is my home more than anywhere else. No matter where we meet I feel peace just walking through that door.

5. Family: I have a great loving supportive family, love you guys!!

6. Friends: My "other" family. What would I do without you guys?? Again I don't even want to think about it!!

7. Taking pictures: I love being behind the camera almost as much as I hate being in front of it!!

8. Blogging: I love being able to share some of my world with others as well as get a glimpse into everyone else's world. The community that has formed around this is amazing.

9. Chocolate: This list just wouldn't be complete without it.

10. Sleep: Maybe it's just because I haven't been getting a lot of it, but sleep seems very important to me right now!!

O.K. now for the fun part, tagging others. I hope I don't double tag anyone. If you've already been tagged let me know, some of whom ROD are being party poopers. Anyways, Misty, Sue, Melody and Shannon....TAG your it!!

Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

Anais Nin, found on Susan's site

Payton...Destroyer of sleep......

Strikes again....

The good news is I can feel the tooth coming through so it ****shouldn't**** be to much longer till we're back to normal. In the meantime she's been up almost every hour and for good at 4am. I'm crazy tired and poor Rod has to go work in a couple hours. I got up with Payton in hopes he can steal a few more zzzzz's. I don't want him operating any type of machine too tired!!! I'm not quite ready to make coffee in hopes that she'll go back down for a bit. Maybe I'm delusional but for the moment I like it that way. How can I accomplish anything if I can't keep my eyes open?

On another note, I just noticed my jammies are inside out.....

7:00: I swear, I'm going to lose it, I'm going to go insane. Or maybe the problem is that I already have....

Baby oh baby....

I think Payton is cutting a tooth, she is SOOOOOO cranky. All she wants to do is cuddle. I do love the cuddles but I also have a neglected house to clean.....

fustrated.

I NEED COFFEE!!!!!

I'm tired, oh so tired. After somewhat catching up on sleep at ladies retreat I have had a series of bad sleeps. I had planned on going to bed early last night but then I got sick. When I did finally get to sleep Rod got home(YAH!!!), but he woke me up(not yah!!). Then I had just gotten to sleep when Payton woke up, I think we have another tooth coming through because she has been CRAN-KY!!! Then she was up at 6:30. I put her down on the floor and sat on the couch only to promptly fall asleep sitting up....not good. Despite the incident yesterday, I decided I needed coffee to survive. Only to find we are out of high test, although there is decaf left(a lot of good that would do). I am now going to go search the cupboards again, WE HAVE TO HAVE COFFEE SOMEWHERE!!

Oh dear

My stomach is mad at me. After both checking the date and smelling my cream before adding it to my coffee earlier, I declared it safe for consumption. After pouring my third cup I added the cream and stared at it in confusion....Why is there chunks in my coffee?? I double checked the date, which was the 11th(yes of may), and smelled it again. Still seemed fine, so I opened it a little further and looked fully in. To my horror I found my cream was chunky around the entire edge of the container. I guess when I poured it earlier I just got the smooth stuff, the chucks stayed safely attached to the wall of the container. I thought to myself, uh-oh I'm going to pay for that later, and indeed, I'm hurting. So as a warning to all cream drinkers, I have discovered that spoiled cream can look and taste fine, do not be fooled. From now on any cream I drink will be inspected closely under a bright light.

OUCH!!

And he's off.....

Yup, Rod's gone again. Between me going to ladies retreat and him going on this trip I feel like I havn't seen much of him lately! Oh well, it's *supposed* to be a short trip....we'll see!!

UPDATE:

His flight was delayed for over an hour leaving Vancouver, now he's missed his connection in San Francisco and the next flight to Philly is at 8:30 tomorrow morning. So it'll be at least Tues till he gets home......I shouldn't have said anything!!

Yet another......

Your #1 Match: INFJ

The Protector You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity. Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is. You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience. You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them. You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

Your #2 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

Your #3 Match: ISFJ

The Nurturer You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for. You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

What's Your Personality Type?

To all the mom's out there......

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!

Hope you have a great day!!

Tagged

So I've been tagged, see Shari's blog for more detail. And yes, I will comply but it may take a few days. I'm frantically getting ready to leave for Ladies Retreat(Rod is watching Payton solo!!! Isn't he wonderful!!) So I'll post when I get back. Have a good weekend all, I'M GOING TO GET SOME STRAIGHT SLEEP!!(hopefully!!) I just know I am going to go through blog withdrawel.....

Anybody watch The O.C??

Anybody want to admit it anyways?? It was good, it was REAL good. Just another prime time soap I know, but there's alot to be said for the odd bit of mind numbing entertainment. I am sooooo hooked!!

Spice party!!

Yes folks, I am having another party. This time it's spices. The company is called Epicure and the spices are really good and affordable. Great dips and dressings as well. I love that everthing is all natural without a bunch of chemicals!! Come check it out even if it's just to sample and visit!!

It's on May 15(sunday), 2:00, at my place!!

Hope to see you there.

Stunning discovery

Babies are not as wonderful as everyone thinks. Whew.... there, now it's out there. Sure they're cute and cuddly(sometimes), and can be alot of fun, but man do they cry and whine alot. Don't get me wrong I love my baby soooo much, she's amazing, but the truth be told I'm glad the "baby stage" doesn't last too long!!

Can you tell she's going through a MOM MOM MOM MOM stage. Only I will do and I'm not getting much else done. I am sooo thankful she wasn't twins or worse!!

Secrets

If you think your the only one in the world with secrets, check out this site I found linked on Shari's blog. Very powerful.

Warning: it's very real and explicit.

My first blinkie!!

Look what I've been doing instead of housework!! I'm so proud!