I Never.....

I found someone who had done this when I was blog surfing today, looked like fun

1. I never had a sibling until I got married
2. I've never snowboarded
3. I've never been to a drive in theatre
4. I've never broken a bone
5. I've never lived on my own
6. I've never been skydiving(and never plan to)
7. I've never owned matching furniture.
8. I never purchased any of my furniture new
9. I've never died my hair black
10. I've never had surgery
11. I've never liked speaking in public
12. I've never streaked
13. I've never had a c-section
14. I've never liked white chocolate
15. I've never watched The Passion of the Christ(even though we own it)
16. I've never been organized
17. I've never been able to sing(well)
18. I've never owned leather pants
19. I've never read Moby Dick
20. I've never made cookies without eating batter
21. I've never played ice hockey
22. I've never lived in an apartment
23. I've never driven a truck
24. I've never liked nuts or raisins in baking
25. I've never been the shortest one in my class
26. I never liked The Dark Crystal
27. I've never watched The Apprentice
28. I've never NOT liked reading
29. I've never worn my mom's shoes
30. I've never been on a missions trip(although I plan to, some day)
31. I never got rid of my Barbies and Cabbage Patch dolls
32. I've never gotten a speeding ticket
33. I've never liked banana's
34. I've never been on a cruiseship
35. I've never gone away to school
36. I've never got less than a c+ in school
37. I've never made pie
38. I've never changed a tire
39. I've never been to a chiropractor
40. I've never used a weedeater
41. I've never been to the East Coast
42. I've never been to the dump
43. I've never been unconscious(besides sleeping)
44. I've never been broken-up with
45. I've never been fired
46. I've never loved anyone like I love my daughter, husband and God
47. I've never been able to roll my tongue
48. I've never liked clowns or puppets
49. I've never been in a physical fight
50. I never thought this list would end...

That was a lot harder than I thought.....

Psalm 139 7-12

"Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, "surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me", even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you."

This is part of a passage a friend sent me this week. It really spoke to me as I was fighting the urge to flee and hide. I figured there are many of us that can use the reminder that there is nowhere to go, nowhere that we can hide from God, we are only fooling ourselves!!

Coincidences

I don't believe in them. So tell me, what do you think of this.....

Wed and thurs I was going through some major inner turmoil, when I was a teenager and feeling down I would listen to Hurt(by nine inch nails of course). I wasn't surprised when the words started echoing endlessly through my head wed night. I had the words all ready to post on Fri but I posted My conversation with God first. After that I wasn't feeling as down and decided not to post the words for fear of really freaking people out about my state of mind. Imagine my surprise when I show up to Church and they sing Hurt, the exact thing that was on my brain this week. Weird?.......Definitely but what if anything does it mean???

Bambi

Yes I know Bambi is coming out on DVD, but I'm hesitating on buying it. Rod has been laughing at me, I'll give you one guess why. Bambi always makes me cry, yup the scene where his Mother dies. How is that a show for kids????

There was baby fellowship at church today

Family Photo

My conversation with God

I woke yesterday feeling exhausted and vulnerable. Trying so hard to ignore what was going on inside. I've lived with it this long, what's a few more days/months/years. I went out to "clear my head" only to find that it would have opposite of the desired effect. Once I had my head on straight again(by my reasoning),with everything shoved back down and hidden away again. Where I like it. I found a voice in my head, one that had been quietly waiting for me to listen. I guess God was getting tired of being ignored and turned the volume up a notch(or 10). Much to my annoyance he was not to be ignored or silenced. I had to go pick up Rod yesterday from work. Our car has been experiencing some technical difficulties lately so I was worried about the longer drive. Well we over heated twice on the way. Forcing me to stop and wait for the engine to cool down, Payton was sleeping in the backseat so I couldn't even get out of the car. Much to my chagrin this left me alone with my thoughts. As much as I'm still fighting, at least he's getting through now.......my conversation went something like this:

God: "Why do you carry such a burden?"

Me: "I don't consider it a burden, it's just part of me now"

God: "Can I carry some of it for you?"

Me: "Then it wouldn't be mine anymore"

God: "What's wrong with that?"

Me: "It's like giving up, admitting defeat"

God: "Because you couldn't handle it on your own?"

Me: "Yup"

God: "You aren't ment to handle this or any burden on your own, that's why I'm here, that's why I've put good people around you. To support you, help you, give you someone to lean on."

Me: "But I'll lose some of me"

God: "No, the burden will let lighter and lighter until it's no longer a burden but a joy, still there, just different."

Me: "I kinda like it here, close to me, always near."

God: "It's the love you should keep near, not the hurt"

Me: "What if I forget?"

God: "You will be more free to remember when you let go of the pain."

Me: "There's just so much, if I start to think about it I get overwhelmed"

God: "One step at a time"

Me: "It's like a floodgate has been opened and I can't swim"

God: "But I can"

Me: "It's just to much, it feels like everything just happened, I'll land myself where I did last time. I don't know if I'll have the strength to pull out again."

God: "I am here, get your strength through me. There are many around you who care, strength comes in numbers not in solitude."

Me: "I feel alone."

God: "Open your eyes."

Me: "I am angry."

God: "I know."

Me: "I can't."

God: "No more excuses."

Today

Pounding headache, emotionally and physically drained, brain freeze......numb.

Today sucked(there was a brief visit with a friend that kept today from being a total loss).

There was so much I was going to write but I can't seem to get my brain wrapped around the words. hmmmmmmm.........to be continued

Mom and Payton playing outside

Payton out in the sunshine

Hurt

I stepped out of my comfort zone tonight, unknowingly. It's a good thing I had no idea what I was getting myself into or I probably would have come up with some excuse as to why I had to stay home, I'm good at that. There were moments where it was all I could do to stay seated when all I wanted to do was run, where I don't know, just away. Old wounds that had never fully healed were ripped open and left to bleed. I know this is where you want me God, but why oh why does it have to hurt so much?

Aunty Misty and Payton having a nap

I found a very cool website

You can find out the popularity of a name over time on a graph. Just type in the name and it pops up, it's really fun!! You can see names that were popular in 1900-2003, and how it changes. It also gives you the rank of the 1000 top names.

Unfortunatly it's U.S. statistics but it still gives you a good idea of our name trends.

Click here to try it.

I had real grown up time!!

Twice this past weekend I was babyless, I know, I was excited too. Friday night Rod and I went to Sarah and Greg's wedding. It was really nice and I even got to dance with my husband!! Misty stayed with Payton(thank you thank you thank you) and Payton even went to bed easily for Misty. Sat I went out with a couple of friends, we had dinner at the Keg. It was SOOOOO good, and I got to eat my meal hot!!! Imagine that, it tastes so much better, I had forgotten!!

Shameless advertising

I am having a Pampered Chef party for a friend of mine who just started selling. If you've never heard of it, it's pretty neat kitchen stuff. I just wanted to invite all our new heights bloggers to come. No pressure to buy, just come check it out and have a visit. It's March 13 at 1:30 at my place. There will be food......

My poor foot

I have a sliver embedded in the bottom of my foot, it sucks. I noticed it in the middle of the night last night. Rod tried to get it out but it's deep and I was unwilling to let him use a razor blade(gee, wonder why?). It strikes me as funny that I can deliver a baby without to much complaint but try to get a sliver out of my foot and I'm a whiny complaining mess!!! I'm going to soak it and try again, I'm such a wimp!!

Too Funny

Rod saw a license plate today that he had to tell me about, I cracked up.

The plate said BABA.

It was on a black jeep.

Get it?? Someone was using their brain!!

I just had to share a picture of Payton with the monkey her Dad got her for christmas.

Is it just me??

Does anyone feel like sometimes they arn't in control of their own brain?? Like they are sometimes taken over by aliens or maybe have a split personality. I feel like there is two of me sharing this body, Michelle, the real me, and my evil twin, who looks just like me but thinks very differently.

Most of the time I'm fine, better than fine, I'm doing really well. Enjoying being a Mom and Wife, spending time with family, friends and the Lord. I feel pretty good about myself, of course there are areas that could use improvement but I'm working on it.

Then she shows up out of the blue, telling me how horrible I am. Your a bad wife, a bad mother, and a bad friend. You can't even keep your house neat, your so lazy. You need to loose weight, look how horrible you look. She hates everything about me, how I dress, how I walk, how I talk, everything. Sometimes she points out other people to make me jealous. Look at her, she looks so good, don't you wish you could look like that. Look at him, his relationship with God is so strong, yours sucks in comparison, look at her, her kids are so well behaved, yours will never be like that. Look at her, her house is so clean you could eat off the floor, when's that last time you washed yours?? ECT ECT ECT.

SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY!!! I used to think she was just part of life, she would come a go as she pleased, there was nothing I could do about it. Now I know the truth, I can throw her out!!! I HAVE THE POWER!! Sometimes a gentle nudge will send her flying, sometimes I have to shove her out the door and sometimes I have to get down right nasty before she'll pick up her garbage and leave.

As you can probably tell she visited me this morning, and I kicked her @ss right out the door. I feel wonderful!!

I, Michelle, am strong in the Lord, and in other ways as well!!

We survived

Yes, she cried, but within minutes she was back smiling and laughing at the health nurse. I think the whole process was harder on me than on her!!!1

I hate this

Today Payton is going for shots, I hate it. At least after this she won't have to go back for six months!!!

OOOUUUUUUCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHH............

This is the Picture that was entered in the cutest baby contest.

Little Miss Funny Face

My smiley baby

My Baby

does not want to nap today, whats with that?

Everything

find me here
and speak to me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
you are the light
that's leading me
to the place
where I find peace again

you are the strength
that keeps me walking
you are the hope
that keeps me trusting
you are the life
to my soul
you are my purpose
you're everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this yeah

you calm the storms
and you give me rest
you hold me in your hands
you won't let me fall
you still my heart
and you take my breath away
would you take me in
take me deeper now

(2x) and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

cause you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

(3x)you're all I want
you're all I need
you're everything
everything

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

and how can I
stand here with you
and not be moved by you
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this
would you tell me
how could it be
any better than this

Lifehouse

Be Still

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God

we have filled our lives with inventions
that have hurried us nowhere fast
now we need to turn our attentions
to what will last

be still and know He
know He is holy
be still and know He is God
love Him more dearly
see Him more clearly
be still and know He is God

we've been running without direction
we're afraid to get there late
what we need is strength just to kneel down
and wait

be still...

Newsboys

car seats........AAAARGGHHHH.........

We bought a new car seat because Payton was quickly outgrowing hers, and I'm sure she's outgrown it by now. Anyways, we try to install it in the car to no avail.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH so annoying. It's like a baby death trap just waiting to happen.

Anybody an expert with these things???

Another Random thought

What does your screen name(sign in name)say about you??

I am usually Chmiley for example, which derived from two nicknames in high school, Smiley and Chelly.

Rod's is Rod-Bot, which explains itself when you find out he took Robotics at BCIT.

Every time I surf the net I come accross huge variation in screen names. Some are self explanitory, names for example, some are usual, some are very unusual and I always wonder if they are trying to tell me something or if it was just something that sounded cool.

Random thought

I saw a commercial the other day that amused me. Advil is now making migraine medication, which is great. Nothing short of T3's help my migraines but it's nice they are coming out with more options.

It was the last line in the commercial that made me laugh, "Now availiable in Extra-strength", why would anybody make regular strength medication for migraines?? Obviously someone whose never had one!!

My Pastor wears Nike Airs

Not that it surprises me any, I'm used to his jeans and baseball hats, it just made me chuckle. Let me explain...

Walking into church this morning I knew Susan was being inaugurated so when from a distance it looked like Scott was dressed up a little I wasn't too surprised. Button down white shirt and black pants, until he came walking out from around a table to reveal bright white and red old school Nike Airs. I had to laugh, I should have known!!

Just one more thing that I love about New Heights!!

Today

Today was good.

When I got up and looked in the mirror this morning I hardly recognized myself. I looked tired, worn out, and well......old. I thought to myself, what if this is it?? What if this is the end of youthfulness and attractiveness, what if I'm turning into a frump?? I asked my husband if he recognized me anymore and he looked at me as if I was speaking French. One of my favorite movies came to mind, As Good As It Gets, I was thinking what if this is as good as it gets???

Then I went to Church. Where I was lifted up, renewed, cleansed, and most of all I was Home. I felt good about myself inside and out. I realized God doesn't see my outside, he sees my insides and that's what's special about me. As I was basking in my new found realization, singing along in worship and holding my baby girl, I felt beautiful, really beautiful. I was thinking about that later in the day and I realized that I always feel beautiful when I'm holding my baby, and I always feel beautiful when I'm in worship. I think it's at those times I see myself through different eyes, through the eyes of God, and through the eyes of my child, and to them I'm beautiful, frumpy or not!!

Congrats to Kay!!

Congratulations to my good friend Kaylyn and her new fiance Shayne on their engagement!!! I'm very happy for you both!!! Love you!!

Look!! I can feed myself.....

Payton and her friend Brayden

Payton right after a bath

I got off my couch for this

I decided if I don't write about Payton and her sleep ect I wouldn't be writing very often!!

So we've had two incredibly fussy days. And a 1 good night(only up once) since I last wrote. Mommy not feeling well has only made things worse. We went to visit a friend of mine and her son, I figured if she's going to be fussy if we are out at least there is distractions!!! We entered our babies in a cutest baby contest, couldn't resist, but she wouldn't smile for her picture :( So even though I KNOW she's the cutest baby in the world she probably won't win. Those cute toothless grins always win. But it was fun anyways!!

So pretty much same old same old here, I think I'm going to back to the couch now!!!

I am a man...

At least that's what they tell me..

Find out your gender here

I'm at a loss.....

I feel like blogging but now that I am here I can't think of anything to say.....Payton had a horrible night sleep last night, she was up 5-6 times. But I find I'm tired of talking about Paytons sleep or lack there of. In all reality how many times do you guys want to hear about it?? It really isn't interesting....

My house is a disaster, and I can't really be to upset about it or I would be cleaning instead of telling you about it.....

Hmmm.....Valentines is coming soon, anybody have plans?

I, Michelle,.....

I, Michelle, am delivered from the power of darkness and Christ brings me into God's kingdom
(Col 1:13)

It never ceases to amaze me how I get exactly what I need when I need it. Sometimes God is subtle, sometimes not, but he is forever there. I really needed to be picked up this Sunday, I was feeling a lag in faith, not so much in God but in the world around me. God never fails me but people do, including myself. Scotts sermon spoke to me, simple and to the point but exactly what I needed to hear. God loves me as I am, regardless of what I've done in the past. So if I'm loved this much so is everybody, EVERYBODY else in the whole world. I try to live my life by example, this was a gentle reminder that I need to love more, and something that is hard for me, forgive more.

There has been some dissension in our church body that was starting to worry me because I love our church so much that it pains me to think something could destroy it. As Scott was talking I felt the overwhelming presence of God. Whatever is happening, God is there. He is watching over us and loving us. I felt like I was home, I know that's where God wants me to be. Our church has never pretended to be a "pretty" church, we are real, and gritty. We don't dress up our faith(or ourselves), we feel what's important is on the inside. Needless to say we have an interesting and wonderful congregation, and more than our fair share of problems. It has always seemed to me that the closer you get to God the harder it is. God won't give you more than you can handle and the closer you are to God the more you can handle!! I don't know where our church is headed but I know it will be where God wants us to be and he will be right there leading the way!!!!

On a side note, listening to Scott talk about how Jesus didn't hang out with the "pretty" people, he hung out with sinners, prostitutes, common folk.....I think he would LOVE New Heights!!!
I do!!

Apparently I am a Friend Bear....awwwww

	Friend Bear You are everyone's ideal friend because you are sincere and genuinely kind. Sometimes you worry about your friends' problems so much, you forget about your own responsibilities, which can get you into trouble. For you, it's the little things that really count. You also happen to be the main driver of the Cloud Car. No speeding!
Take the Which Care Bear Are You? Quiz!

I have a heavy heart

I HATE GOSSIP. Period

It's such a destructive force, you can never tell where the truth lay amongst the lies. And it leaves that little seed of doubt behind, that worms it's way into your brain and whispers softly in your ear.

Nasty. Until recently I was blissfully unaware of some of the things going on around me, or should I say supposed things. Now that I have heard some of it I feel dirty like somehow I'm involved. I fear for our church community, it makes me really sad. My heart is heavy. Ignorance really is bliss.


"Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a
quarrel not his own.
Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who
deceives his neighbor and says "I was only joking."
Without a word a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down.
As charcoal to embers and as wood to fire, so is a quarrelsome man for
kindling strife.
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man's
inmost parts.
Like a coating of glaze over earthenware are fervent lips with an evil
heart.
A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he
harbors deceit.
Though his speech is charming, do not believe him for seven
abominations fill his heart.
His malice may be concealed by deception, but his wickedness
will be exposed in the assembly.
If a man digs a pit, he will fall into it; if a man rolls a stone, it will roll
back on him.
A lying tongue hates those it hurts, and a flattering mouth works ruin."

Proverbs 26:17-28

Sequel to....I should never.....(Jan 11)

I figured if she slept through the night 3 times she was starting a trend, you know the third times the charm. I got myself all excited and lo and behold she was up last night, twice. So not only did she not sleep through the night but went back to being up twice. I think she likes to keep me guessing. I realize she's only 6 months and wasn't expecting a miracle but when it seemed like I was getting one I wasn't going to complain. It's like if you'd never had chocolate you wouldn't know what you were missing, but if you had and then couldn't talk about chocolate withdrawal. Now, I am craving sleep(long uninterrupted sleep), and it's worse because I know it's within reach and I never know when it's going to happen!!!

Just a sidenote, if you had asked me 4 nights ago if I would rather a) she slept 10 hours straight after crying herself to sleep, or b)went to sleep easily and be up in the night, I would have chosen b because I hate hearing her cry. So I should be thankful for what I get!!

All's well that ends well.....

So we had a fussy day, but we survived and she went to bed without complaint. She even woke about 20min later and let out a cry, my first instinct was to go and console her but I waited, she let out one more cry and went back to sleep. I am in amazement, it all just happened so quickly!! I guess I shouldn't be surprised she's always been like that, once she's made up her mind nothing stops her!!!!

My amazing, beautiful, sleeping girl.

Give and Take

I have discovered that this whole parenting thing is full of give and take. For example: "I'll sleep really good for you tonight Mommy but tomorrow I'm going to be really fussy and you can't complain!!"

Guess how our day has been???

Guess who's discovered sleep???

Yes your right that would be my daughter. YEAH!!!! Right after her six month mark things started improving. I've also been reading a book on healthy sleeping habits that I think has helped me to help her sleep better. I really have to watch her I need to get her into bed right when she starts feeling sleepy, then we won't have a fight(or as much of one!!). We also started putting her to bed earlier, I think by 8 she was overdone. And wouldn't you know it, she sleeps longer when you put her to bed earlier!!! Even her naps have been getting longer!! I'm so impressed. It's been a sudden and drastic change. She went from 2 feedings at night to one and the last 3 nights she's slept right through!! Tues night she slept 8 hours, wed 9.5, and last night 10.5 hours straight!! I'm sure there will still be nights she's up and maybe I'm getting excited prematurely but hey I got 7 straight hours of sleep last night, I'M EXCITED!!!

Payton making her first snow angel! 

Payton in her Valentine's day Outfit. SO CUTE!!! 

Life

Days come and go and try as I might I cannot slow them down. As excited as I get over every milestone Payton reaches I am also saddened because as the firsts list gets longer I know she's growing up. I get scared for her because I know how hard growing up can be, I also know I am not here to tell her what to do but only to guide her on her way. Who let me be a guide in unknown territory??? I am going to try to let her be a child for as long as possible, some of my favorite moments are getting down on the floor with her and playing. I try to see things with all the enthusiasm and excitement of a child, it's so easy to get wrapped up in our busy adult lives that we lose the simplicity and the peace that it can bring.