Payton in her Easter outfit, I just couldn't get her to smile!!

Payton in her Easter outfit.

What fun!!

I was watching Holly today and she had her friend from upstairs over, when they asked if they could go outside it sounded like a good idea. It wasn't untill some time later that I realized the full effect the rain had had on our "backyard in progress" otherwise known as the dirt pile. It was very entertaining and very dirty, Holly was covered head to toe with mud!! You should see the ring she left around my tub!! What fun!!

The dirtier they are the more fun they have!!

Holly after playing in the mud.

It's a mom thing

I have discovered since having a baby that I am the hugest worrywort. Every sneeze or sniffle I worry about her getting really sick. Is this normal, is that normal, is she progressing normally...ect ect ect. Does this obsessive over protective thing get any better??

I think my head would explode

I ended up watching Holly again today. It went not to bad but I swear if I had heard "Chel, look at me" one more time.....

To all Mom's

What are your experiences with teething?? Payton started feeling not herself Weds. I thought she had a bit of a cold until someone said that sometimes when they are teething they show slight cold symptoms. So I've watching her closely but I'm still not sure. She's grumpy and irritable, cuddly, and not as active as usual. She's been refusing her solids for 3 days now(she has never done that since starting solids) but will take liquids. She's been eating less at a time but more frequently. She has been grabbing at her mouth like it's sore and chewing on her fingers, but her nose is congested like a cold?? I just don't know what is normal for teething?? If it is teething how long does this last?? She is going to drive me nuts!!

Confessions

I have a confession to make, I've been watching Desperate Housewives. And I like it. What have I done????

What am I missing?

Anybody else feeling down lately?? I know many people are currently going through, or recently have been through some tough times. Comparatively speaking my problems are small and few, yet I've been healing heavy lately. I feel like I've been getting closer to God, really trying to lean on him. I've been reaching out more, letting go of past issues, really working at strengthening my faith. I should be feeling strong, convicted, whole. Yet I feel as if I'm gaining burdens not losing them. I'm baffled, and it's not as if I could tell you what's wrong because it's not any one thing. It's a feeling, a weight, a sadness that keeps following me around. I'm getting fustrated, maybe I'm not listening, maybe I'm just tired. Why does life feel so complicated??

Prayer Request

Misty was having some really bad head pains last night, they are sending her for a CAT scan this morning. If that doesn't show anything they are going to do a spinal tap. Prayer would be much appreciated. Thanks!!

Kids

Today we have Holly and Andrew. It's a busy day, gives me a bit of a glimpse what it could be like to have 3 kids. Rod took them on a walk to find the creek behind our house, when they got back Andrew came up to me and said excitedly "guess what? We found nature!!!" It was so cute!!

5:00

We made Easter baskets out of rice krispies and filled them with Easter candy, it was so much fun. Andrew first makes one for Mom, then Caleb, then Mikail, then Becka. I then asked him if he was going to make one for himself, "oh yeah" he said. He had forgotten, totally disproves the saying that kids are completely self centered. Kids are(can be) sooooo cute!!!

Carolyn: We had fun and Andrew is welcome back anytime!!

Psalm 42:11

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.

Like taking candy from a baby..

I bought some Easter candy on the weekend to do an Easter project with all kids around here. I can't stop eating it, apparently I have no shame....

AHHHHH!!!!!!

There is a documentary on CBC about teenage sexuality and it is FREAKING ME OUT. I know I'm jumping the gun but it hasn't been THAT long since I was in high school and oh my gosh things have changed, imagine what it could be like in12 years. AHHHHHHHHH!!!

Family

I've been thinking a lot lately about family. Family to many consists of relatives, these are the people in your life you are bound to by genetics. You can't choose your relatives, you are born with them. I have been blessed with a wonderful "family" whom I love dearly, they aren't perfect but who is? Then there is the family you marry into. Many will say you aren't marrying his family, just him. Don't be fooled, for better or for worse you now have In-Laws. Then there are friends, and contrary to relatives you can choose these. Friends are vital, true friends will stick by you not out of obligation but out of choice. To me, my friends are family. Then extending past friends are my church family, many of my church family are also close friends but it extends farther than that. There are many people whom I don't know well but still feel a closeness and support from. I know if I need anything they wouldn't hesitate even though they didn't really know me. I hope they know that it would be the same way in return.

I used to think I had a small family, I realize now that I have a small number of relatives and a huge family. It's overwhelming really, I am by nature a quiet reserved person who does not put herself on the line. Blogging is a huge step for me as it lets others know how I am feeling. I have been taking steps lately to let others in and accept support. I used to feel like a failure if I asked for help because that meant I couldn't handle it. Now I'm slowly realizing that I'm only human. God did not create me to take on life on my own. I'm learning to let God carry some of my burdens, and help me heal. I'm trying to see myself through his eyes and accept myself as worthy of love, acceptance, and friendship. Why is the basic truth so hard to accept??

What would we do without family?

Feeling small

So after three absolutely horrible nights, with Payton being up and up and up and up, we have decided there is nothing wrong with her and we should not let bad habits form. So tonight when she woke up after a "nap" I went in told her it was still bedtime and left. She's been crying for about 30min now and I'm feeling about 2 feet tall. If you asked her at this very moment she would probably say we were the worst parents in the whole world. Now before everyone comments to tell me that's not true, I know it's not I'm just feeling down about letting her cry that's all. I thought we had been through this but I guess there's always something with kids isn't there?? I don't think I will ever gets used to letting her cry, I hate it.

I am slowly going crazy 123456 switch

crazy going slowly am I 654321 switch

It's what time??? Nasty

My sweet(????) baby will not sleep, we are up again(or is it still), we haven't had a night like this since she was brand new. What is going on?? Teething? Cold? Upset tummy? Growth spurt ? Whatever it is, it is the destroyer of sleep and we are going to be a cranky trio tomorrow!!

OH NO, I HEAR SQUEALING, NOW SHE THINKS IT'S PLAY TIME!

*Yawn*Sigh*Yawn*

How Petty

I had something deep and meaningful in mind to write when I logged on but now all I can think about is how my eyebrows are driving me crazy!!!! I've been meaning to get them done(waxing, threading...ANYTHING) but just haven't gotten to it.

And on another note have you ever noticed that when there is something that you do(for me it's eating excess amounts of junk food) that makes you really annoyed with yourself. The more annoyed you get the more you feel bad about yourself, then instead of stopping what your doing, yup, you do it more. It's a vicious circle.

Another thing, why do designers figure that if you have wide shoulders and big hips you also will have a large chest. I feel that it is rather unfortunate that a woman of my height was not blessed with matching chest. If it fits in the shoulders and hips it sags up top ect ect ect. I tell you it doesn't do much for ones self esteem. No wonder I love shoes, I don't end up crying when I go shoe shopping!!! Don't even get me started on swim suits, I am already starting to dread the coming heat....

Grump

Grump Grump Grump Grump, Complain Complain Complain Complain. Geez I'm in a good mood today. I think I need some happy pills. Good thing it's Friday.

Not to sound crazy but.....

Would the voices in my head please be SHUT UP. Thanx. No seriously I remember a show, I can't remember the name(Melvin's head maybe????), where a group of people were living in this poor guys head always arguing about what he should do. That's what I feel like lately. I have posted previously about having an evil twin who shows up once in awhile but lately it's like she's been cloning herself. It's a full born blowout in there sometimes, in there somewhere is my Godly self who is trying amongst the noise to listen to God and report back to me. She has been rather unsuccessful lately. I guess the negative, mean, vindictive, evil selfs are louder. I've really got to learn to SCREAM.

This really stinking hurts

I woke up this morning with a migraine *YOWZA*


4:00
UPDATE:

Thanks to drugs my migraine is gone(mostly). What would I do without T3's?

Isn't it ironic that the things in your life that bring you the most joy can also bring you the most sorrow.

Childlike Faith

I remember when I was a little girl always having the feeling that someone was watching me. Not in a horror movie kind of way rather that someone was watching over me, making sure I was always ok. Then one day I was watching tv early one Sunday morning, we only had 2 channels so I ended up watching one of those televangelist church services(I must have been really bored!!). So the speaker was going on about something when all of a sudden he caught my attention, he started talking about God and how he was always watching over us, always there, how we could always rely on him. Something clicked in my head, I suddenly knew that it had to be God that was watching over me, taking caring care of me. The speaker then started talking about Jesus and how he came to earth to die for our sins and if we believed this we should give our life to him. In a childish manner I decided that if God was taking care of me I should do what the speaker was saying. So the next thing I knew I was down on my knees repeating after the speaker. I accepted Jesus into my heart simply because I KNEW he was there taking care of me. After that I simply got up and went on with my life, not really knowing what I had done, and forgetting about it until a few years ago. I had such a childlike faith, it's amazing that at such a young age I felt the presence of God in my life. There were no questions asked just pure faith. If only we could all experience that in our lives as adults. I think there would be more people at peace.

Pampered Chef

Just a reminder to my blogging community about my Pampered Chef party on Sun at 1:30. It is Kaylyns first show!! Hope to see you there, my phone number and address is in the church directory if anyone needs it. There will be food....and chocolate.....(shameless bribery)

AAARRGGHHHH!!!!

I can't comment and it's driving me insane!!! STUPID Blogger!!!

On the inside

So I've been thinking a lot lately(I know....that's dangerous) about who I am and who God wants me to be. Honestly I have no idea, on both accounts. Who am I?? Stripped of my good looks and wit, stripped of the titles and the stuff, what is left?? Who would I be without my friends and without my family(besides lonely). Is there a me under there?? What does God see?? All I see is daughter, wife, mother and friend. You could say I was nice, or awful, but that's still not me that's actions I make. What is it about me that God loves so much?? I wish I could see what he sees then maybe I would understand grace, maybe I would understand sacrificing your own son, maybe I would understand this unfailing, unwavering love. Which brings me to what does God want me to be. Yes I know the Bible tells us how we should try to act, but I'm talking about me specifically. What does he want me to accomplish, where does he want me to be, what does he want me to be doing?? I'm so unsure. I've felt a heaviness lately like he's trying to tell me something and I just don't get it. What are you trying to prepare me for?? I feel a tugging, a gentle calling but it's like he's speaking in sign language and I'm blind, I just can't see!! I'm scared Lord because I know your going to pull me out of my teeny tiny comfort zone, but I will follow you Lord if only I knew where you were going!!

C.H.A.O.S

Yesterday I had a break down(just a mini one). I was feeling pretty good after my long nap and decided to clean my kitchen. Now I don't proclaim to be the neatest person in the world but over the past week and a half my home had reached a state of C.H.A.O.S. Can't Have Anybody Over Syndrome. We have a small place and to much stuff, so any extra mess in the house drives me absolutely crazy. So when a friend called to see if she could stop by I lost it. I got absolutely hysterical, overwhelming feelings of failure and panic were washing over me. That's right when Rod walked through the door(poor guy), and Misty was dropping Payton off, I felt like a total failure as a wife, as a mother, as a person, in every way . I'm home all day and I can't even keep my house tidy, what good am I?? I got over it and we did a 30min power clean, which made me feel so much better. It's funny how we(I) place so much importance on outside appearances, that one thing could cause me to go from fine to meltdown in 10 secs. I guess I'll have to work on that...

Everybody should have a friend like this....

1:30
Misty just came and "stole" Payton to give me a break!! Guess I should whine more often!! HEHE
Just kidding, THANX MISS, everybody needs a friend like you. Love you!!

5:15
Went to have a nap at 2:30 didn't regain consciousness until after 5!!! Guess I really needed some sleep.

Thankfulness???

Just trying to put myself in a better mood...Repeating over and over

I am thankful for a very alert, active, rambunctious baby who loves me so much she never wants to be away from me!!!

Would you like some cheese with that whine??

So I'm going to do something I don't usually do, whine. I am feeling sorry for myself today. I'm still not over this stupid cold. I get all cranky and pathetic when I'm sick. I want some one to take care of me, or at the very least I want to stay in bed. Being sick and taking care of an infant is a whole new experience to me. She's feeling better(and that's part of the problem), she doesn't want to lay around and cuddle anymore and mom does!! What really made me fustrated this morning was she decided she was up at 5 again this morning. *argh*

Sharing

It seems as though Payton has learned to share. She gave me her cold. *Sigh* It could be another long week.

Quietness

So the blogger boards are very quiet tonight. I only wish it was a calm quiet. Today has been a very emotional day for so many of us. I have been through many emotions today and find I have now settled on acceptance. Acceptance that this is as it should be. I'm not overly fond of change, actually I down right hate it. Change makes me fearful, it means facing the unknown. Only when I stopped worrying and realized that God is still in control did I find my peace. I love my church and my church family but it is God's church and only he knows what is in store for us. I see him working amazing things in people lately and it excites me and I find myself facing the future with excitement. What lies ahead for us?? I don't know, but let's embrace it and continue on our journey with God without hesitation.

Isaiah 41:10
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Prayer

Could everyone please pray for Kaylyn. She is going for her CAT scan tomorrow. She's very worried and could use all the support/prayer she can get. Thanx

I hate mornings

So, I had another late night last night, I really must have it in for myself lately. I am soooo tired and although I cannot solely blame the baby it was one of those mornings where when Payton decided it was time to be up at 6 I asked Rod to remind me again why it was the people had kids. Am I ever going to feel rested again? *Yawn*

"To live your life you've got to lose it..."

Misty asked me yesterday who sang this song so I looked it up because I had forgotten. I put it on when I found it and as I was listening to the words I realized it was exactly what I needed, it spoke to me directly about what I've been going through, the burdens, the darkness, the feeling of being in last place. "To live your life you've got to lose it..." Very powerful...

Lavishly our lives are wasted
Humbleness is left untasted
You can't live your life to please yourself, yeah
That's a tip from my mistakes
Exactly what it doesn't take
To win you've got to come in last place
To live your life you've got to lose it
And all the losers get a crown

CHORUS:
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down and He lifts me up
I get down

All I need's another day
Where I can't seem to get away
From the many things that drag me down
I'm sure you've had a day like me
Where nothing seems to set you free
From the burdens you can't carry all alone
In your weakness He is stronger
In your darkness He shines through
When you're crying He's your comfort
When you're all alone He's carrying you

CHORUS

This valley is so deep
I can barely see the sun
I cry out for mercy,
Lord You lift me up again

CHORUS

Audio Adrenaline, Get Down

Not a great start

So Payton just went down for her first nap of the day. Yes it's 7:30 and she's having a nap. You may say it's a little early for a nap. I agree, but she's been up for almost 3 hours so it's time and she's tired. When she woke up to eat at 4:45 she decided it was time to stay up. We tried to tell her it was still night time to no avail. So considering I didn't get to sleep until 12ish last night I'm thinking I'm in for a rough day. I will try to convince her to nap with mom later(it's the only way she sleeps longer than 30-40min). The joys of having children.....

Things I am thankful for

1. God loves me unconditionally
2. Grace
3. My husband
4. My daughter
5. My family
6. My friends
7. My church
8. My church family
9. My health
10. The health of those I love
11. I have a roof over my head
12. I have food to eat
13. Heaven
14. Prayer
15. My cat
16. Phil(thanx for fixing my car)
17. So many other things but I am going to bed!!

Sometimes when I am down I just have to remind myself of all the blessings in my life, then I start to feel better.

Aunty Mandy and Payton, what cutie pies!!

Funny Blog

I stumbled upon a blog about why we should ban children, well badly behaved ones anyways. It gave me a chuckle. Check it out here.

Competition

I've never been a competitive person as far as sports went, I always thought that it took the fun out of it. So why do I feel like I need to be competitive in life? I always come out of it feeling like a loser. It definitely takes the fun out of life, so I sit on the sidelines letting others clamor in competition. Only to find that it pisses me off to watch. Talk about hypocrite.

Is life ever easy?? How about easier???

My Baby

Payton isn't feeling all that well today. She's got a cough and stuffy nose. She wants to sleep, but only in Moms arms. I've tried putting her to bed many times this morning, but it's just not happening. I'm about to give up again and go cuddle my girl, my poor baby.