Tagged

Shari tagged me!!

Well, I'm supposed to share 8 things about myself. Hmmm....

1. I can't stand to be in a bathroom with a closed shower curtain. I will always check behind it or open it before I lock the door. One to many people hiding in the shower movie maybe??

2. I don't like dolls. Cabbage patch ones don't seem to bother me but anything realistic or with eyes that look like they are watching you....yikes!! I'm not fond of clowns either....

3. I was born and lived in Red Deer Alberta until I was 11.

4. I love photography and would love to eventually open a studio of my own.

5. I am very shy and have to literally force myself out of my comfort zone daily.

6. I am an only child. This always lead me to believe I wanted to have a very large family. After having Payton I'm thinking 2 might just be enough(there were days/weeks/months) where I thought 1 might be enough LOL!!

7. Rod was my high school sweetheart and close friend long before that. I feel so blessed to have found him so young, he is amazing!

8. I like to watch no brainer television, something I don't have to think about to hard. It helps me unwind and takes my mind off the real world for awhile. I shamelessly enjoy Lost, America's Next Top Model, Grey's Anatomy, What Not To Wear, Two and a Half Men, and Desperate Housewives. Although I am usually behind because I don't have the time to sit and watch, or I forget when things are on.

So that's 8. Now I get to tag people. Watch your email!!

***Updated*** I had a request to post whom I tagged so I tagged Jenn, Lee, Sue, Kaylyn, Tysey, and Carolyn. Shari tagged Liz, Steph, Misty, Mandy, Kristi, and ME!!

Odds and Ends

I forgot to put my recycling out AGAIN!! My garbage did make it out thankfully, thanks to Rod.

My cat still isn't home, today is eight days.

Payton can now open doors, and unlock them! Fun fun!!

Payton has been singing "Rain rain go away" all day. Too cute!!

Did you know Sunlight dish soap makes good stain remover? I use it in a pinch when I run out of stain remover. Doing laundry must go on stain remover or not!!

I am not in maternity clothes yet!?!? Whats with that? My before pants must have been baggy cause I've definitely grown a pooch!!

Our ultrasound is scheduled for Oct 11th at 1pm.

ARGH!!

I'm feeling very good today. Positive and alive. It's great. I have a blog forming in my head that had nothing to do with noise and space, but I need a vent so here we go.

I am SO tired of living in a basement suite.
I am SO tired of having 4(soon to be 5) LOUD kids upstairs.
I am SO tired of small living quarters.
I am SO tired of using our bedroom like a storage room.

K, I'm done. I was just boiling over. Payton was very hard to get down for her nap today and I finally had her down and the screaming and thumping upstairs woke her. Grrrrr....... I have been thinking about switching our bedrooms because ours is quieter. Right now her bedroom is directly under the room where all 4(yes 4) kids sleep. How crazy is that. They use the other rooms for a school room(she home schools) and a playroom. Whatever works I guess.

That said I do get along with everyone upstairs and generally like it here I've just found myself more irritated about the noise and space lately. And we will make due with what we have as we are fortunate to have a stable place to live.

Vent done.

Real Milestones

I love this article by Damomma(who is a great writer) on "real" childhood milestones.

Score!!

I found some change in the bottom of my purse, and got a twoonie for completing a radio survey. Anyone wanna go for coffee????

Verse for today

I know I know, it's a repeat but it spoke to me again today.

Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

God in all things

I actually sat through an entire Church service yesterday!! Payton wasn't thrilled about being left in nursery but she's old enough to let Mom and Dad enjoy a full service!! So I was sitting there listening to the music and felt closer to God than I had in a long time. It was so good. It made me want to look for God a little harder in my everyday life. I thought I'd share what I found.


Where do I see God?

-in the face of my daughter
-in the miracle of pregnancy
-in the beauty of the sunrise as it brings the promise of a new day
-in hands raised high in worship
Where do I feel God?

-in hugs from family and friends
-in prayer when his arms are wrapped tightly around me
-in nature where he is all around

Where do I taste God?

-every time I eat as that means I will not go hungry
Where do I hear God?

-in the wind through the trees
-in worship music
-in the laughter of a child

Where do I smell God?

-in the freshness after the rain
-in the coffee Rod puts on for me before he leaves



The tree photo I found here
http://www.icdp-online.de/sites/qinghai/news/iod/2005_09_01.htm

The after the rain photo I found here
http://www.flickr.com/photos/txiribiton/108261078/

Hey

I just realized I zipped past my 500th post without realizing!! Wow!!

Verse for today

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

So I've switched

So it was painless and easy. I am now using Beta Blogger. Everything came with me. I don't seem to have to change a thing. Now using my current template I can't use a lot of the new features. I am going to have to change my template to be able to play with the new stuff. I'm ok with that, I'm ready for a change. I just thought I'd let people know how easy it's been so far and they don't seem to have to mess around with stuff if they don't want to. I know some people who don't want to change anything.

A verse for today.

Isaiah 30:19
How gracious he will be when you cry for help.

More Beta Blog Info

This is from Blogger help.

Why can't I switch to Blogger in beta?

While the new version of Blogger is still in beta, some users with certain types of blogs will not be able to switch to it. We'll be adding support for these blogs as soon as possible, so everyone can join in the fun. But for now, if you have any of the following on your account, you'll need to hold off for a bit:

• A blog publishing via FTP to a non-BlogSpot server.
• A blog with a Plus upgrade (we stopped offering this upgrade a couple years ago, so this will not affect many people).
• ***A team blog.***
• A blog with a mobile device associated with it.

Note that, even if your blog is eligible to switch, you may not have the link to do so on your dashboard. We are starting out by just switching over a limited number of accounts, but we'll add more and more as time goes on. However, if you still want to try out Blogger in beta, what you can do is to visit beta.blogger.com and create a new account. Later on, you'll be able to merge this account with your original Blogger account.

Thanks for your patience, and we promise it will be worth the wait!

*This is why I havn't been able to switch yet I'm sure. I have 3 blogs attached to me. 2 of them team blogs!! So Liz, Mandy, Shari I know you were wondering!! Mystery solved!!

A verse for today

Phillipians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Sometimes I am my own worst enemy.

Usually I can have coffee in the evening and sleep no problem. Not so much last night. My mind wouldn't shut off, it kept spinning through all my worries and anxieties. Needless to say it was very very late when I finally got to sleep, then Payton was up twice after that. The last time she said her mouth hurt so we gave her some Tylenol and that seemed to help. I am so tired this morning. Today feels like a nap day!!

On a happy note, what finally helped me get to sleep was baby. Lots of movement last night, definite kicking!! He/She is definitely growing in there. Rod put his face on my stomach where I was feeling kicks and was rewarded with a tap on the lips, he was very excited!! So fun.

My cat is MIA.

I haven't seen my Cat in 2 days!! His breakfast from yesterday(wed) is still in his dish. That is very unusual.

I worry because it was 2 days ago I heard coyotes out back(Which Payton tried to explain to me were Dogs not coyotes, "Woof Mommy woof"). Hmmmm.....

Just for fun

I thought it would be fun to see what gender people think our baby is. Our ultrasound is scheduled for Oct when I'm 20weeks. I may call and try to change the time so I'll let everyone know when I know for sure when it will be. We will most likely find out the sex then, which is why I wanted to start the poll now. The midwife says that there is one technician at Med-Ray(which is where we are going) that won't tell you. So we have a 25% of not finding out!! So it may end up being a long poll if we can't find out!!

I guess only time will tell.

The poll is on my sidebar(on the right). I think it is working, please let me know if it isn't!

Yeah!!

My midwife appointment today went well. Everything seems good and we were able to find the heartbeat fairly easily. I'm so relieved. I may actually be able to relax a little now and enjoy. I think in the last few days I've been feeling some movement!! It's so slight and fleeting I wasn't sure at first but it's been consistent so I'm very excited!! I love feeling the baby move around inside, I think that's my favorite part of being pregnant. I LOVE IT!!

Beta Blogger

Just so all you out there know, not all of us have the option of switching over yet. For those of you who don't even know what it is, it is a new format blogger is switching over to. . It looks like it's going to be a good upgrade and yes eventually everyone will have to switch.

There is issue's with commenting back and forth between original Blogger and Beta Blogger. For instance: I who still hasn't switched can't comment on those who've switched. I beleive those who have switched are also having problems commenting on the originals. I think it will all iron out eventually but it is fustrating in the meantime not to be able to comment on the Beta Blogs.

I copied this from the blogger help page as I was trying to figure out what was going on.

Thanks for your interest in all the new features we've got coming up! The Blogger in beta program is going to start out small, so only a low percentage of people who log in to Blogger will see the option to switch over. If you're one of them, you'll see a blue box in the sidebar of your dashboard highlighting the new Blogger in beta. Click the "learn more" link there and we'll walk you through the process of switching your account.

For more info: go here


I actually started a 2nd blog, with Beta Blogger using my google(gmail account) just so I could comment where ever I wanted. I'm not planning on using it, just having it for now. It's at

http://talkaboutfustration.blogspot.com/

Gotta love the address.

I ponder as I walk along

Thoughts

Can be dangerous things, destructive beyond imagination. Really without bad thoughts we wouldn't have bad deeds right?

I've been thinking a lot about a couple things the last few days. One being about thoughts, we started reading battlefield of the mind in Bible study last week and I think it's going to be really good. Definitely give me something to think about.

The other being honesty, sparked by Steph. How honest am I really? It's relative I guess. If someone asks my honest opinion about something I'm going to tell them, I can't lie. But in reality if you ask me how I'm doing, your going to get a fine, or pretty good, which is probably not the truth. There are things that people do all the time that irritate me, or that I wonder at their motives but make the choice not to say anything because I know what the results will be. I guess I'm not all that honest after all, I used to be, now I think in the really real world people don't want to hear it?? I don't know, I guess I've got more pondering to do.

Anyways I'm sure both these things are going to morph into full blogs, but I'm not there yet.

Fun at the beach

Pretty easy but...Guess who??

Your so cute!!

Who is this??

Matthew 6, 25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Hmmmm........

Rod has a cold. Payton sounds nasaly. I have a headache and feel exhausted. I think it could be one of "those" days.....

PIctures

I have sat down a few times in the last couple days to blog and the words just won't come. So I thought I would share some Pics from our Aquarium trip. It was a good time!!

Same old same old

We'll my companies gone :( The visit was much to short and I'm very sad they are gone. We had a lot of fun and some great visiting. I'll post some pics...sometime. I think I've been saying I'll post pics all summer and haven't!! I guess life will settle back into the regular routine, only I'm not sure I like the old regular routine. Yesterday and today have been lazy days, a little bit catch up on the house stuff and a lot catch up on rest. I'm so beat.

So my house is in a semi-balance or order and I refuse to let it get out of control again. It still needs a lot of help(organization, and decoration) but it does not look like a slob lives here and that makes me happy. Well.....is not telling you about the state of our bedroom lieing? Ok I re-phrase, our house(as long as you don't open our bedroom door) that is. Gutting out and downsizing the bedroom will be a BIG BIG BIG job, which I'm not mentally prepared for yet, let me catch up on my sleep then we'll talk. I was tidying last night before bed, you know doing that few dishes and picking up the toys off the floor when Rod asked me "when are you going to stop?", poor man doesn't understand my new determination to not let it get out of control again. I let him know "when it's done" and subtly let him know if he swept then it would be done quicker. I think I may end up a little neat freakish when this place is organized but that will be born out of living in a self created mess and knowing how of control it makes me feel.

So Steph, guess what I'm doing this week?? I'm making a schedule, yup I'm going all out. I need to write down things that need to be done each day in order to keep up on everything and not have it be a big deal. As well as keeping on top of when I have extra kids, who needs picking up, and my own appointments. I think I need to do a menu plan as well but that overwhelms me so I think I better start slow!!

Anyways, speaking of dinner I better go figure out what we're eating tonight. Have a good night everyone.

I am a Violet What Flower Are You?

"You have a shy personality. You tend to hesitate before trying new things or meeting new people. But once people get to know you, you open up and show the world what you are really all about."

Princess Payton

The wedding was beautiful. A big congratulations to Aimee and Chris who are heading for their honeymoon today. I have to admit though my favorite part was watching my kid. She did so well!! After having nothing to do with walking the aisle during rehearsal she wasn't fazed a bit on actual wedding day. I didn't have to coax her or anything just sent her on her way. She walked all the way to the front and attempted to give the Priest her bouquet before thinking wait a minute what's going on here? Then went to find Dad. She was a trooper all day through lots of waiting, fussing, hot weather, and people trying to get her to do strange things. She asked repeatedly when the dancing was going to happen and could hardly contain herself through the first dances(which were bride/groom/family only). And my goodness, wasn't she the cutest thing??

Fun Fun

That that wasn't meant sarcastically for a change. I seem to be headache free today although I did just drink the last cup of coffee in the house. I'm so excited to have my Aunt and Uncle here, and the girls of course. I can't believe how much those girls have grown since Christmas. It was so fun watching them play together. We had a good visit last night, there's just so much to catch up when you only see each other once or twice a year!

My Aunt is 17yrs younger than my Mom and only 9 years older than me, so over the last few years we've both been embarking on the family raising adventure and have gotten a lot closer. My cousins are 3(Chloe's birthday is 2 days different than Paytons), and 4.5. I love that Payton has some cousins close to her age, it makes family gatherings so much fun for all involved.

The only bad part about visiting is the leaving, I get really upset knowing they are so far away. I cry almost everytime I'm driving out of Red Deer, or others are heading there. I guess there's a part of me that still feels like that's home. For those of you who don't know I was born in Red Deer and lived there or in the vicinity for my first 11 years. We didn't move out to B.C. until I was going into Gr.5 .

Anyways, I'm going to see if I can steal a shower and get going with my day. I think Donna and I are going to check out the scrapbooking store downtown. I haven't been in it yet so that will be fun!!

They're here!! They're here!!

I'm so excited!!

AHHHH!!!! Migraine......

So I was doing pretty good at getting things organized, trucking along. I wasn't expecting miracles just bearable to the point I wouldn't be embarrassed to have someone in my house. The tiredness eased off and I let my kid watch Dora(Bad Mom!!) and Andrew play some RollerCoaster Tycoon(Bad babysitter) , actually I wasn't feeling to guilty about that because it was yucky outside this morning. Anyways Migraine hits. CRAP!! I haven't had one in probably a month and I really didn't have time for one today. So I try to push through and finish cleaning the bathroom but the lights got to bright very quickly. Tried to work on the kitchen until every little noise about drove me insane. About 3ish I finally gave up and asked Sonia(it's very fortunate I have a friend who lives upstairs') if she could take the kids so I could lay down for a bit. Sleep was hard to accomplish mostly I just dozed a little. I tried to get up around 5 to go get my kid but she was having a lot of fun and behaving well so Sonia sent me back downstairs away from the screaming 5 kids. I was hoping things would get better but the headache was gradually getting worse and I actually started seeing spots again so I gave up and went back to bed again. Rod came home with Subs(wonderful man that he is) collected Payton and did all the night time routine so I could rest. I finally got up about 9 feeling somewhat bearable.

So it's after midnight and I'm still up, trying to finish what should have been done during the day today. I think I'll have to give in soon and go to bed or I'll end up with another one. Rotten time. Anyways, just wanted to whine a little about my horrible day.

Oh yeah, companies coming tomorrow. I'm expecting early afternoon. So hopefully I can have everything presentable by then. This shouldn't be so hard....((((Sigh))))........

Darn

Yesterday I thought maybe my tiredness was easing off. I felt pretty normal(gasp imagine that) but this morning I'm back to being exhausted.....(((sigh)))

Well, I havn't heard from my company so I'm not sure if they are showing up today or not. Last time they were expected the next day and they called and said "Surprise!!!" were almost there.

To all my crafty card making and scrapbooking friends out there I've been dieing to make some cards but have been to busy so in the near future we need to set a date to scrap. I need my fix!!

So not funny

Ok, maybe it was a little funny but if anybody tried something like that with me I would disown you.........seriously.


Check it out.

Hmmm....who would have thought.

My kid is not a big fan of change.

Her big girl bed is here!! And she was so excited, climbing in and out of it, pretneding to sleep, having alot of fun. But 2 times in a row now she has freaked out when we try to leave her in it and shut off the light. She asks to go back in her crib, then goes to sleep no prob.

Any suggestions???

Hey!!

I just noticed that my tickers differ in how far along they say I am. I put in the same due date and they are a day different. Weird.

This n that

We had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner last night for the wedding Payton is in next weekend. She is going to be SO cute. We'll just have to see if we can convince her to actually go down the aisle that day. The ring bearer is 3 and developed a crush on my Payton in about 5 min. Which I may add she LOVES. He was following her around, helping(as much as he could) her onto the seats(which she could get up on by herself but would smile sweetly at him and say "help?? help??). He was hugging her and kissing her and she would giggle and laugh and then run away. What a tease she is....already!!! I'm more than a little frightened. I'm hoping though that now that she knows him she may go down the aisle is he does. If nothing else she sure will be cute!!

My Aunt and Uncle and cousins from Alberta are coming out next week!! I knew they were thinking about it and said probably the first week of Sept. Well they called this morning and are leaving either mon or tues!! I'm so excited!! Darby is 4.5 and Chloe is 3 so Payton will have a blast. Of course this has put me into a cleaning frenzy though!! AAHHH!!! My house is SO not company ready. Well, ready or not they will be here!! FUN!!

I'm 14 weeks tomorrow which puts me officially into the 2nd trimester!! YEAH!!! I'm still anxious to hear that little heartbeat again but guess that will have to wait until I get into Maple Ridge which could be awhile with company coming and all.

I'm going to be watching Matthew(Jordana and Thomas's little guy) a day or 2 a week for awhile. He's 12 weeks(almost 13 I guess) so that should get me back in infant mode a little. The fun part is being able to give them back at the end of the day. I looked at Rod yesterday and said I was looking forward to having grandkids. He laughed at me. Of course that won't be for what?? Like 30 years?

Anyways I need to find some food to keep me going for awhile longer, there is just so much to do!! I really will need some help organizing soon, I'm drowning in clutter. For the time being I'm going to hide it again but that isn't a good long term solution......it's just the only solution I know!!

Amazing

From this....



To this....


In 14 weeks!!!

What an amazing miracle.

Impatient and paranoid

Does anybody have a doppler heart monitor? I'm so anxious to hear the heartbeat and I really don't want to wait until my next appointment which is 2.5 weeks away!! We have a stethoscope but you can't find the heartbeat with that for at least another month. Grrr.......

I don't really want to rent one, but it may come to that...

And she boils over.

I've been having a rough time, and you know what? That's o.k. I'm not someone who processes things quickly. I need time, that's how I work. I will get through it, I always do. Right now I'm sad, moving ahead one step at a time, but I've had some good moments too. I'm not going to put my happy face on anymore, try to smooth it over so people won't worry or judge. I found out a week ago that we've lost a second baby, only a week. My grief, my anger, all my emotions, they are justified. What I'm feeling is valid and I'm tired of people telling me to focus on what I do have, and look at the positive. Don't get me wrong I'm very grateful for Payton and for the baby still growing away inside of me, so grateful, but I still need my time to work through everything. Just because I'm expecting does not magically take away my other emotions. And it does not mean I love the ones I lost any less. Does anyone expect people to magically get over a loss of a child or a parent or a friend? Please, just give me time, don't judge, don't diagnose, just support. I also apologize to my friends for not being there for you lately. I've been selfishly wrapped up in all my crap, I admit that. I still love you all and appreciate your support I just don't seem to have anything to give at the moment.

How did I miss that?

There is so obviously 2 sacs in some of our Ultrasound pictures. I guess we were just so focused on the baby we didn't notice.

Today

Today was rough. I would have been exactly 1 month from my due date today. I'm not overpoweringly sad, just feeling blue. Tired, headache, and sad. Trying to focus on Payton and my current pregnancy. Tomorrow will be better.

Conversation with my kid

Payton is getting so big. I love that I can have actual conversations with her, 2 year old conversations yes, but conversations none-the-less.

Me: It's time to get ready to go.

Payton: Going out?

Me: Yes, we're going to Oma's.

Payton: Oma's?

Me: Yup, to see Oma and Opa and Great Grandma and Grandpa.

Payton thinks for a second, big smile: And cake!?!?!?!

Me laughing: I don't think there will be cake this time honey, that was for your birthday.

Payton blowing out like she's blowing out candles: CAKE!!!

Me still laughing: I don't think so hun, but do you know who's coming home today?

Payton: Cake?

Me: No silly, who has been missing for a couple days?

Payton Cake!?!?!?

Me laughing: Dada?

Payton throws arm up in the air in excitement: DADA!!! Let's go!!
-then runs towards her bedroom to get changed.

Gotta love the little things.

Psalm 13

Last night a friend suggested I read Psalm 13. I said I would and didn't. This morning a different friend sent it to me in email saying she felt she needed to share it with me. Ok, I guess I need to pay attention. Thanks guys.

Psalm 13

How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you look the other way?

How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,

with sorrow in my heart every day?

How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!

Restore the light to my eyes or I will die

Don't let my enemies gloat, saying, "We have defeated him!"

Don't let them rejoice at my downfall

But I trust in your unfailing love.

I will rejoice because you have rescued me.

I will sing to the Lord because He has been so good to me.

Today

I realized today that I haven't taken my recent struggles to God. I'm not sure whether I'm back to not trusting him with them, afraid that once I give them over I'll be hurt again. My vision of the world around me is so small right now.

I was wondering if people would share with me some of their favorite bible verses. Verses about faith, hope, love, restoration, whatever is close to your heart or you think I need to hear. I'm having a hard time finding what I'm looking for.

He's off

Rod left this morning for his trip. He's in Edmonton. I cried this morning when he left, I haven't done that since the first couple times I dropped him off at the airport. He actually got to fly out of Abbotsford so that's nice. I just talked to him and he landed safe and sound. I already feel lonely even though he wouldn't normally be home this time of day anyways, I guess it's just because I know he's gone.

I thought I was doing pretty well dealing with another loss. After all I didn't even know it was twins before I lost one. But my emotions have been pretty wild since yesterday so I guess I have more to work through than I thought. I just feel so...fragile. I'm very thankful for the baby that's doing well, it gives me a positive focus, something to be thankful for while I sort through all my negative emotions.

1 Peter 5:10 ...... After you have suffered a little while, he(God) will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation.....

It's all about me

Well, it should be. No, no really but that's how I've been feeling the last couple of days, like the world should be revolving around me, my plans, my feelings. The fact that it doesn't is ticking me off.

Isn't that horrible?

Hormonal, not feeling well, overwhelm, ect ect. There's a lot going on in the next couple of weeks and I can't even keep my house clean. I'm tired, or sick, or can't find the motivation. I'm very disappointed in myself.

Rod's going on a trip tomorrow and I don't know when he'll be back. Fri sometime. I had plans for fri and now I'm upset. I shouldn't be, it means more money for us and every little bit helps but the disappointment is over powering.

The sad part is I know I'm acting like a cow and I still can't help myself.

And the good news is...

The baby is doing great, the midwife found the heartbeat easily and it was strong at 170bpm!! I am so relieved. I think I may put up a pregnancy ticker soon, I'm almost feeling safe enough now. YEAH!!

Now for the bad news..

We went over the Ultrasound report from my u/s. We would have had twins. We lost one at 6 weeks. They were fraternal which means I ovulated twice. We are in shock. Amazed that we would have had 2 and devastated to have lost one. I have some grieving to do, I don't think I've fully grieved my first miscarriage and now I have to add to that. I am so grateful that I still have a healthy growing baby growing inside me or I'd be a complete mess. 3 pregnancies, one beautiful daughter, 2 losses, and still pregnant. Definitely feeling weird at the moment.

Oh So Tired......

I am Tired

Oh so tired
And I'm feeling a little frazzled

I've been overdoing it. To many busy days and late nights. Especially the weekends, when I should be catching up on sleep I am go go going and come Monday I feel hungover. With Payton teething and sleeping so poorly I haven't been able to catch up and my body is telling me it's done. My house is a disaster because cleaning is the last thing I feel like doing when I have a spare minute. But oh well, besides the embarrassment I feel when anyone sees my mess it's not really that important. Payton won't remember my mess. I am determined to start taking better care of myself, not only for me but for those around me as well. Not to mention the little one growing who needs me to be healthy. So if anyone sees me online late please heckle me. I just can't continue to push myself. I'll break down and that won't help anyone.

On a side note, we had a good weekend and I'll post pics sometime, I have many to catch up on. I have a midwife appointment today, I'm excited!! I've been dyeing to go but now that it's close I'm anxious. She should be able to find the heartbeat with Doppler today and I'm really hoping she will. I need to hear that little heartbeat beating away, the reassurance will be huge. Then I know we made it past the hard part and everything should be fine!!

I learnt something at the mall today.

Yes, today was a learning experience. Kaylyn and I ended up at Coquitlam Centre today with the kids. We had a good time everybody behaved fairly well, actually I change that our kids were really well behaved.

We let them play in the play area they have for the kids for the first time today. And as I watched and interacted with many kids I realized something important. Payton is a really well behaved kid. She has moments and is definitely into pushing boundaries but she's only 2 and everything is a learning experience for both of us. I think I must be doing something right because she's been so well behaved in public lately(pushes me more at home but I'm sure that will come). She's respectful of the other kids and tries even to help them. She mostly waits her turn for things, she doesn't scream, or push, or bully her way in. She listened right away to me and I even had people telling me how well she listens!! Watching her today I was really proud of her. I needed that, to see that even though we have moments and days where she's wild and I'm fustrated, that she's a sweet kid who loves people. One who says please and thank you(even without prompting sometimes).

She's bright, spirited, and curious which is going to get her into trouble but she's going to do just great. I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing because I've finally seen results and I'm so relieved to see that we've been doing right by her.

This parenting thing is such a wild experience!! Just had to share that even though I complain about my kid that she's wonderful and I'm not sure I say that enough. I love her so much she is the BEST thing I have EVER done in my life.

MY KID IS WONDERFUL!!!

What is this?? A full moon maybe?

I'm feeling rather insane today, I've even changed my MSN name to Beware of raging hormones!!

I feel like I'm coming down with a cold, Payton is wild today, I'm stressed about everything I need to get accomplished before sun(family BBQ for Payton). My grandparents are coming out on Sat, We're taking Dad out for his birthday lunch sat(his birthday is today) and I want to make Payton a cake this year.

Mix all that with the overly hormonal pregnant state I'm in this morning(or every morning) and I'm a mess. I've cried multiple times this morning already over things that usually wouldn't phase me. ARGH!! I even had to separate the kid and the dog(yes I still have the dog) for the dog's own protection. I'm tired and my house is a disaster. I don't even like being here at the moment but I really don't feel like going anywhere either. And I need a shower....

I did discover Payton is sporting some new teeth which could explain the grumpy horrible nights we've had. She has 2 molars almost completely through on the top and 2 on the bottom that you can feel through the gums yet to push through(so we're not out of the woods yet). How many teeth do kids get? And why must mine get them all at once? Speaking of my kid, I've got to run as she's climbing all over me and making it very difficult to think let alone write.

So yeah, we're a little chaotic over here but we're surviving. Of course that leaves me wondering what's going to happen when number 2 arrives.......oh dear.....

Tired anyone?

Well we had one of THOSE nights. The ones where she's up 6+ times at night. Where if we got more than an hour at a time we were doing good. Rod and I are super tired this morning. It's usually not like that. She goes through occasionally but more often than not she's up once. I guess I'll have to start praying that she sleeps better before the baby gets here. That could be a deadly combination!!!

It just may be a nap when your toddler naps kind off day!!

Maybe it's time?

I guess it might be time to potty train when Payton takes off her diaper brings it to me and says she needs to poo on the potty. Then really does pee on the potty!!

I'm just not feeling that ambitious today. And I need to buy some more big girl underwear. But I think we need to give it a try, soon!!

One long weekend

3 busy days + 3 late nights = 1 fun weekend
3 busy days + 3 late nights = 1 tired kid
3 busy days + 3 late nights = 1 tired mom
3 busy days + 3 late nights = 1 cranky kid
3 busy days + 3 late nights = 1 cranky mom
3 busy days + 3 late nights = a messy house(which = 1 cranky mom)

I think we overdid it. We had good times(I'll post pics later) but this morning I'm left with an overtired grouch and feel like I have a hang over. Bring on the coffee!!

The debate

There's so much I want, I NEED to get done around my house. But today feels like a nap when she's napping kind of day. I'm so tired today, and that could be why I'm feeling down too. K, I've convinced myself, off for a sleep it is.....

Discipline and Deer

Payton turned 2. And oh my is she ever 2!! She's stubborn and strong willed(and wonderful). She pushes her boundaries almost constantly and some days lately I feel that all I'm doing is disciplining. We're trying time outs with her and feel sometimes that it's going to be a losing battle. For those of you with kids what is your experience with discipline? I know it's consistency but do some kids respond differently to different types of discipline??

I was at a friends house recently and Payton's behavior was horrible!! I just couldn't believe her. This friend is a strong advocate of spanking, says besides the fact that it works it's biblical. I have a hard time with that on many different levels. First being that someone else was trying to tell me how to discipline my kid, my back goes up and I get defensive. Payton was being naughty yes but your kids are no angels either(I didn't say it of course). I have a hard time with the idea of hitting my kid as well, at least for everyday naughtiness. I'm not dead set against spanking, there are certain times when it's definitely warranted and needed. I don't know. I'm just struggling with keeping on top of my active, spirited kid whose latest thing is testing me and my boundaries. I love my kid she's incredible, smart, vibrant, beautiful and loving. She's just been a handful lately, right when I haven't felt up to dealing with it. It's just a phase I know!! Thank goodness!! I just worry about adding another child to the mix when I'm struggling now.

Sigh. I'm so tired.

Emotionally I've been tired this week too. I was trying to figure out why(besides just being pregnant), I think it's because at this time in my last pregnancy I had had my Ultrasound and was waiting for my next to confirm the bad news. This sat coming up would have been the day I had my D&C. I know I shouldn't be focusing on that, worrying about it, and I wasn't consciously but it's always there. I've been trying to decide if my tummy's grown, if I still feel pregnant ect. I want to put up a pregnancy ticker on my blog but am afraid of having to take it right down again. I can't wait until the first trimester is over, then I will relax, well relax more anyways. I remember with Payton I loved it when I could finally feel her move on a daily basis, then I knew she was doing ok in there. Geez, this has gotten depressing, sorry about that just needed to spill my guts a little.

I'll leave on a good note. This morning has been good. Payton slept in, which means I slept in as well. In fact I'm still in my jammies, was still in my jammies when Carolyn dropped Andrew off(oops). When I did wake up(Payton was still sleeping) I went and got some coffee, and let the dog out(I'm dog sitting my mom's dog), and noticed a Doe with a Fawn eating leaves in the backyard. I had a few moments of quiet peacefulness watching the deer and sipping my coffee before I heard the patter of feet racing towards me. A little later after Payton woke Andrew was doing "tricks" with his stuffed dogs Snuffy and Mrs Snuffy. Payton was sitting on the couch watching, well more like cheering him on. It was SOOO cute. She would go ohhhh and ahhhh and exclaim "Yeah Woofs" while clapping enthusiastically. So if I manage to sneak a shower in and get a load or 2 of laundry done I'm going to call today a good day!! Hope everyone has a good day!!

Kay and I

Payton Pics

Carolyn has posted a neat blog about Payton at the wedding last night here.

It's late, and I'm tired

And I found this way too amusing!! Thanks Sue for the link!

This and That

I stayed up late last night because I wasn't feeling tired. What's wrong with me?? I know better. I was SO tired by this afternoon that I had the distinct feeling I shouldn't be driving home, but if I didn't who would?

I spent the day with Kaylyn and Brayden, it was nice. We went to coquitlam center and spent our gift cards at the Children's place. So Payton and Brayden will be sporting some new duds. You should see the hat my kid picked out, it's TOO cute. She has good taste.

I took Payton to the Health unit to get her 2 year stats. She now weighs 35lbs and is 35inches!! Which is still way over the 95%ile in weight(she has been above the 90%ile since she was a month old) and actually moved up above the 75%ile in height(she's varied between 50%-75%) I don't worry to much about it but I find it interesting and I think she will as well when she has babies of her own.

So I'm off to figure out what I'm going to wear to a wedding tomorrow and what I'm going to contribute to the potluck. Nothing like last minute decisions!!

No I'm not crazy, just pregnant...

The fatigue and cravings have been rampant the last few day. I fell asleep before 8 last night on the couch and must have been in a strange position because since I got off the couch my sciatica on left side has been acting up. :( I had some sciatica for the first time when I was pregnant with Payton. It never fully went away and I figured it was just one of those left over from pregnancy things that I would have to live with now. My midwife says that it shouldn't have been bothering me and I probably have something out of alignment and suggested going to a chiropractor before things get worse during this pregnancy. I hadn't really thought about it until last night when it flared up!! I'm only 9 weeks!! This could be a bad sign!!

So I already enlightened you the reason behind my Girl Guide cookie cravings. Let me introduce you to my other cravings of the last few days. Ravioli, yes ravioli, usually I'm not a great fan but right now it's oh so good!! And I've also discovered beefaroni(had some for breakfast..yum...), and it's very good as well. Tacos!! MMMMmmmmm......and not just any taco, a hard shelled taco wrapped up in a soft shelled taco.....mmmmm......and last but not least cream soup! I called Rod on the way home to ask him to stop and pick me up some clam chowder, which I ate for dinner!! MMMMmmmmm......food.......oh I almost forgot....Breyers real fruit ice cream bars....they are SO yummy!!! Oh yeah, almost forgot my longest running craving, since day one I couldn't get enough milk!! I switched to skim because I was drinking so much of it. I swear I'm going to turn into a cow! When nothing else sounds appetizing milk ALWAYS sounds good!!

Anyways enough about food. I woke up feeling gross this morning so Payton and I are packing up and going to find some sunshine to play in. I hope that improves my mood!! Have a good day all!!

What a good husband I have.

No he didn't find me Girl Guide cookies but he did go looking for something to appease me(it may have been just to shut me up, either way I'm happy). What he came home with are Mint Oreo's. They are very good, and a substitute of sorts. Of course they are not Girl Guide Chocolate Mint cookies but I guess I can deal!

I had a dream....

No it was nothing profound. I find that when I'm pregnant either I dream more or maybe just remember my dreams more. I don't know why but I have frequent, vivid, very strange dreams when expecting.












Well yesterday part of my dream included girl guides selling cookies?? What's with that? And it wasn't their original cookies it was the chocolate mint ones! MMMmmm.....so I woke up with a big craving! What a stupid craving!! It's not like I can just go out and get some. I looked it up on their website(I have issues I know) and found they will be selling them this year(YEAH) but not until Oct or Nov!! AAAHHHH!! That's much to far away. I found myself asking Rod yesterday if he thought anybody had froze some last year and would still have them.....he didn't think so.....





I might have to settle for some of these, If I can find them.













So anyways....Welcome to my pregnancy.

I'd like to introduce you to someone special.

Yup, you guessed it. We are expecting!! We were going to wait longer to announce it to the world but we had an Ultrasound last thursday and everything looked good(praise God!), so we have to have faith that things will continue to go well. So with that, we would like to introduce you to the littlest McLatchy!!

Sorry it's a little hard to make out, I wanted it bigger(it's hard to see the detail) and was playing with the html. I can't figure out how to get it bigger without the sidebar floating over it. Hope it's ok.



Obstructed word is Heartbeat, and lower it says FETAL HR 162 bpm.




CRL(crown rump length)= 2.09cm

Taco's...MMMMmmmmmmm........

I'm not sure if this is good or not

But I liked what it said so...

Congratulations, Michelle!
Your IQ score is 133

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Insightful Linguist. This means you are highly intelligent and have the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind.

Of course to get "a full report" I'd have to pay.


The Classic IQ Test

Happy 2nd Birthday baby girl

2 years ago today Rod and were blessed to add Payton to our family. I can't beleive she's already 2!!

IT'S STINKING HOT!!!

Some pics from our Cascade Falls adventure

Sitting so cute with Dad.

My hot husband!

Payton's version of hiking.

Look at me!! I'm so cute!!

Very cute

Pics of Payton and Cooper here.

Monday Monday.......

Comes all to fast. At least it comes with internet. It wasn't working again for most of yesterday, finally we got a new router(we share internet with upstairs') and all seems well!

So weekends are supposed to be restful right? I'm always just beat on Mon morn, then again by fri! hehe I guess I just can't win. One thing I did disgustingly little of this weekend was cleaning, mostly just wasn't feeling well. I will have to catch up over the week, the joy.

So, in less than a week my "baby" will be 2. AAAHHHHH!!! I can't believe the time has gone so fast. If life keeps moving at this pace I'm going to miss it altogether.

Sat we went up to Cascade falls. Payton thought it was great. I love how excited she gets about anything outside, it's all an adventure to her. As we were hiking up(she was on daddies shoulders) she kept pointing and urdging us to go faster, the girl getting the ride just couldn't move fast enough lol!! We played at the bottom some as well. but it was a little cold for her taste! She'd wade in a bit then move back out rapidly saying "owe owe owe owe owe owe owe" hehe, it was to cute. When I get ambitious later I'll post some pics.

I think it's working now.

Well internet was out for awhile again, looks like Rod has it up and running again. It feels really weird not to be able to check my email and check up on people....

Places peanut butter shouldn't go!!

This is too funny!! I could SO see my kid in this predicament!!

I'm back!!

Did you miss me? Probably didn't have time!! LOL!! We were experiencing technical difficulties this weekend and had no internet but am excited to be online again!!

At the moment I am wondering why I thought it was a good idea to let Payton feed herself yogurt after having a bath....She's got yogurt head to toe.......what FUN!!

So.....

Rod didn't get the job.....DOH!! I sure was hoping. And I know it obviously wasn't meant to be but it's still a let down. Lots of decisions to be made in the next little while, decisions decisions. I hate decisions, I'm just not a good decision maker. I think they scare me, I know I'm not a fan of the unknown so when I don't know if I'm making a good decision it drives me crazy.

Man I'm tired, can't think straight. Think maybe I'll go to bed when Payton does tonight.

Is it to much to ask??

When oh when will my almost 2 year old sleep through the night??????

I'm soooo tired.

I'm not sure what that was about..

I had to republish my blog to be able to see it, I didn't touch anything!! Weird, oh well, it semms to be back to normal again!!

The ever elusive sleep

This time my lack of sleep issue was entirely my fault, I just couldn't get my brain to stop. I had a migraine yesterday and slept 3 hours in the afternoon, then we started watching season 4 of Alias last night and a main character was killed.

I realize many of you out there have already seen the whole season and often dead people don't stay dead but please no spoilers!!!

So anyways, I'm laying in bed and start thinking about what I would do without Rod. One of my biggest fears is being widowed. So my brain keeps trucking along until I'm in tears, Rod is snoring by now so he's no comfort!! I looked up at the ceiling forever until I finally did fall asleep, then I had car and airplane accident dreams...geesh

So this morning I'm tired, and am sporting a huge headache, not to mention the housework that didn't get done this weekend to do, what a way to start the week. Is it fri yet?

For my friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MISTY!!!!!!

It seems like only yesterday......(((((sigh)))))......

With Payton's second birthday rapidly approaching I've been doing an awful lot of reminiscing. I came across this photo while browsing pics today and was reminded how much I love this photo. It's definitely not the prettiest one of me, I'm definitely not at my best. There's just something about the look, the happiness, the joy, the proudness. Look what we did!! I love it.

This n that

I was SO sure Rod would have today off. That today would be the beginning of my weekend. I was wrong, I found out last night that he has Monday off. Darn!! I'm feeling down about having one more day to go. I'll survive, I know, I was just mentally already on long weekend mode!!

We went to a BBQ at Liz's last night(thanks Liz!!) and Payton actually went in the pool with Rod!! YEAH!! She's just not a water baby, maybe there's hope for her yet!!

We are officially caught up on Lost!! It's so good!! Now just to wait the few months until next season....

We still haven't heard about the new job. I'm feeling bummed but maybe that's not bad news maybe they've not had their meeting yet or have been really busy, but maybe it's not meant to be. This weeks been hard and I think I was just hoping for some good news.

Signing off for now, it's time to find some breakfast!!

Wow, this one made me cry

I stumbled accross a song on Leah's blog. She used it in a beautiful video montage and I fell in love with it. I just started thinking about my baby and how fast time goes, and the tears flowed. It's beautiful.



It is sung by someone called Janelle ( I've never heard of her but some of you might have)


AMAZING
Words and music by Chris Janz

The morning cold and raining
Dark before the dawn could come
How long in twilight waiting
Longing for the rising sun
Oh, Oh
You came like crashing thunder
Breaking through these walls of stone
You came with wide eyed wonder
Into all this great unknown
Hush now don’t you be afraid
I promise you I’ll always stay
I’ll never be that far away
I’m right here with you

You’re so amazing
You shine like the stars
You’re so amazing
The beauty you are
You came blazing
Right into my heart
You’re so amazing
You are, You are

You came from Heaven shining
Breath of God still fresh on you
The beating heart inside me
Crumbled at this one so new
Oh, Oh
No matter where, how far you wander
For a thousand years or longer
I will always be there for you
Right here with you
I hope your tears are few and fast
I hope your dreams come true at last
I hope you find love that goes on and on and on and on and on
I hope you wish on every star
I hope you never fall too far
I hope this world can see how wonderful you are

The conspiracy continues

So now, it's 4am!!

Did all you out there realize that it's starting to get light by 4AM!!!! Or is most of the world sleeping at 4am as they should be? The birds of course take the rising sun as a sign to sing, preferably loud and right by my window. How do you explain to the little LOUD birdies that at 4am it is still bed time!! ARGH.

So the suns up, the birds are singing and of course, Payton wakes up. So after taking some time to convince her to go back to bed it was 4:30, and could I sleep?? No, I eventually placed a pillow firmly over my head a was able to doze, briefly before Rod got up, followed closely by Payton not to be outdone.....

So that's my whine for the day. I'm tired, and grumpy and soon to be hot. And I have an extra kid.......WAAAAAAAAAAAAA

K, my vent is done!! I'm going to have a WONDERFUL day!!

Remember this?

Rod found this and oh my goodness did it ever take me back. I had to post it.

Conspiracy

I have my suspicions that Payton, the sun, and the birds have combined forces to make sure I'm out of bed by 6. You may think me paranoid but I'm convinced it's true........

Is this a sign of what my week will be like???

I went to the washroom this morning(exciting I know) and as I was washing my hands I hear Payton in a very excited sing songy voice "Mama.....Mama.....MAMA". I'm thinking what has she gotten into?

The Aloe Vera.

Yup, she's climbed up on the bed and found the Aloe Vera bottle sitting beside it. There is Aloe everywhere. All over her, all over the bed spread. And she's very proud of herself.

All I could do was laugh, and laugh some more as she grins at me proudly displaying her green arms and legs.

We went to work rubbing it all in, and put the comforter in the wash.

Another day has begun!!

Update

Hello everyone!!

Thanks so much for your prayers.

So everything looked ok in his eye. They figure it was a retinal migraine, or one on the visual cortex. I didn't even know that was possible but you learn something everyday. The symptoms are the same between the retina detaching and the migraine so the only way to be sure which it is is to go and get it check out. They do have a couple more tests they want to do just in case, The good news is his vision is great, he thought he was going to need glasses but he doesn't. He used to have better than 20/20 vision and now he's down to 20/20 so that's what he's noticed.

So YEAH!!!! Everything worked out, and we saved the money we were going to pay for an eye exam!!

Thanks again!!

Prayer request (Update)

Rod's vision went really weird this afternoon to the point where he left work and went to the clinic. The clinic sent him straight to the emergancy, he has been transferred to short term care and is waiting for a retenal detachment test. I'm a little freaked out and would really appreciate your prayers.

Thanks so much, I'll let you know when I hear anything.

****Update****

Rod just called, on the machine they have at the hospital to check eyes the specialist couldn't see the retina detaching but said that what Rod described sounded like it. The machine isn't detailed enough to pinpoint what's wrong so he's supposed to call tomorrow morning to get into somewhere with the proper equipment. The Dr said it may be just starting to detach, he also said there may be a vein that's bleeding into his eye. They should be able to see what's going on tomorrow. He's on his way home now.

Thanks for your prayers, I'll let you know tomorrow what they say.

Interview

Rod has a job interview right now. It sounds like a good job that would actually pay him what he's worth. I pray that everything goes well and that it is God's will.

The extent of my vocabulary today

Payton please get down down.
Payton get down.
Payton get down now.
Payton stop.
Payton no.
Payton, what did mama say?
Payton, the books stay on the bookshelf.
Payton, please put the books back on the bookshelf.
Paytons don't belong on the bookshelf.
Payton, the water stays in the sink.
Payton, what did mama say?
Payton get down.
No, you can't have a freeze for lunch.
Payton don't throw your food.
Payton wait.
Payton please use your inside voice.
Payton use your inside voice.
Use your inside voice now.
Payton you can't sit in the front seat.
Payton you can't drive.
Payton we don't eat toothpaste.
Payton, I think it's naptime.....NOW.

Climbing to a whole new level....

Payton has been a climber for a long time now. Recently her interest turned to ladders but couldn't quite get up past the first rung, I was fine with that. Well, friday she firgured it out. She can now get into the play center out back....Mama's got some new grey hairs.....



Up.....

Almost there.....

Up all the way...and SO proud of ourself!!

Can everyone say................ARGH!!!!!!!

Really, I'm ok. Just fustrated. Same old Same old.

Why is it....

that some people think it's ok to run away and hide from their problems. Problems THEY'VE created? And leave others to deal with it???

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

A surprise visitor!!

My very cute Nephew stopped in for a surprise visit, he even brought his mom!! What a treat. Isn't he cute!!!

It goes so fast.

I've been pondering the last two years. What a monumental time. It's gone way to fast. It hasn't been a very productive time, I've muddled and struggled through most of it. I haven't accomplished the things I set out to accomplish and I haven't been the parent I envisioned. I've done my best and as we approach the 2 year milestone I am still amazed at the gift I was given, and that I am still sane.


Brand new Payton checking out the world. I can't believe she was so tiny.

Payton last weekend getting a ride with Phyllis(Phil's mom). Look at how big you've gotten!! Your amazing.

Why I use Neat Image.

Cute picture, cute baby, but the print would be nasty. The right side is original and the left was run through Neat Image. It's an easy program to use and best of all there is a free demo version(it will only let you save as JPEG)!! We just have the demo version, I was amazed when I started using it.

The washing machine runneth over.....

Have you ever stopped to think about how your washing machine seems to know when your load is full and automatically knows when to stop pouring water in? Well it doesn't always work...

This morning we witnessed a flood in our laundry/living/bath room....

We have spent the morning sopping up water, pulling everything out of the laundry room, finding places for things to dry out, and running fans to circulate air. My house is a DISASTER!!!

This is not how I wanted to spend my day.

Washing floors was on my to-do list though.

I got a little jealous of all the reno's going on so.....

We started some construction of our own, and what fun!!





I'm not sure what's up with the Rock star stance??


So, I've learned a little about structural integrity(Rod was impressed I used that term because he says isn't a "girl term") over the last couple days. Payton was also quite upset that the blanket didn't hold her weight as she attempted to walk off the coffee table on the blanket(twice!!) OUCH!! Of course the trauma was only temporary as the allure of playing in(or on) the fort was to strong!!

Yup, they did it.

They wrote off my car. It doesn't look so bad right? Well the front panel, bumper, and side panel would need replacing.What really did it though was a buckle in the frame. My poor baby. Just what we needed. More on this later.